Dog Shorts 2

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Scenario #1: Over the summer we had a flea problem. Not so much a problem as it was an infestation. I can recall a dozen times picking up the dogs and seeing the little buggers hop right off the dogs. It was nuts. I'd never seen anything like it in my life. Thank goodness the exterminator came but not before Female Boss demonstrated her quality.

This was before the magnitude of the problem was clear to us. The One had been biting and scratching pretty frequently. Female Boss really detested that behavior, I think it was more of a denial reflex by the way she reacted to it.

"Stop it! What the hell are you biting for?"

It continues.

"You better quit it!"

He bites again.

"That's it, you're going outside!"

Punishing The One for that!? Scratching an itch = bad. Crying like a bitch as soon as Female Boss is out of sight = good. I give up.

Scenario #2: Do you know my friend, Chakhtee? He came into the office the other day. The One was surveying the office from his usual territory, the bosom of Female Boss. Chakhtee says hi to me and goes over to say hello to Female Boss and The One. The One, and I quote from before, "is particularly attached to Female Boss. By attached I mean anchored with incorruptible fanaticism."

Using the adjective defensive in front of the judge would likely result in my incarceration for perjury. As soon as Chakhtee gets within a few feet he starts up with the growling. He sounds like a rusty chainsaw and his bite would probably cut about as cleanly as one. Chakhtee takes a step back, "Whoaa.."

"Oh, no," begins Female Boss, bathing The One in the light of innocence. "He's growling but I think he's playing."

Chakhtee, as smart in this scenario as he is repugnant, replies, "I don't think I'll take any chances."

Never trust a lunatic. Under any circumstances. Wise move, Chakhtee, wise move.

Scenario #3: I think I saw one of the most disgusting things I have seen in quite some time here at the investment property. I went outside to go play with the dogs the other day and over by the entrance door to the house, from the backyard, are three metal toolboxes. I think they belong to Chakhtee.. hell what do I know?

When I went outside to play with the dogs, I turn and focus in on these toolboxes. I am pretty sure I have never seen them accessed or even moved the whole time I have worked here. I took a closer look and see that they are covered in rust a few centimeters thick. The thing is that it isn't just rust from the elements. Well, unless you consider gallons and gallons of canine urine as elements.

I mean I was pretty impressed, three dogs have gone to work on these toolboxes and pretty soon they will be skeletal outlines of what they once were. There a problem? Yeah, I said three dogs. I know Puppy is a girl. Uh huh, Puppy doesn't pee like a female dog, she pees like a male dog. Leg lift and everything. So like I said, three dogs.