There was this one time...

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Scenario #1: There was this one time The One had an upset stomach so Female Boss kept him confined in the kitchen where he could squirt brown all over the place without suffocating the office with the putrid smell. Female Boss was being quite the diligent worker that day, being that she stayed at her desk for a few hours without getting up. This is extremely odd behavior for her, as her primitive brain requires reboot every few minutes or it will start to ooze from her ear canal. The reason for her impromptu work ethic is quickly revealed when Male Boss gets up from the leather couch to refill his beverage.

"Male Boss, you have to clean up after The One this time.. I can't take it anymore."

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Female Boss Buys a GPS

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My everyday scab picking and keyboard breaking grind is brought to a halt by Female Boss arriving at the office before 10:30 and even before Male Boss for once. With little more energy than a sleepy koala, Female Boss slumps in to the computer area with a glum look on her mug. Being the concerned citizen I can only hope that she has had a grief stricken weekend with nothing but despair to report. Instead, she starts off the dialogue with, "I bought a GPS over the weekend."

"Is that a fact?" I ask her.

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Male Boss-isms 2

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Are you kidding me? I have only used this as a title once!? This is a damn hell shame.. time to make up for lost stories then. Oh and before you guys start questioning my spelling or grammar, remember one thing, this is Male Boss talking.. I wouldn't dare mistype anything that he says.

First -ism: Male Boss is trying to give Female Boss a little taste of the back home life. They are in a discussion where Female Boss is being pessimistic and Male Boss chimes in with some old school wisdom.


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I Can Has Math

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No excuses for my absence, real life just gets hectic sometimes. I wade back into the thickest part of the swamp and go in neck deep to demonstrate how tortuously suffocating life has been at the office as of late. Female Boss continues to prove she is the festering carcass of a bullfrog in these parts giving off that unmistakable stink in the nose whenever you're close enough to spear her in the pancreas. Even wading through this bog on a daily basis am I never met with a dull, expected feat of idiocy. This time, Female Boss decides to show off her mathematical skills.

Scenario #1: Female Boss is on the line with one of the Plastics and no doubt there is gonna be some riveting conversation at hand. Beginning to listen about half way through the decent to the 3rd ring of Hell, I start jotting down what was said.

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Witness

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On my worst days, the days where I am just completely ill with the 105 fever and wishing that taste of last night's dinner wasn't lingering around in my maw, I tend to have the stupidest dreams known to man. Fever dreams some might call them, I prefer to use a string of profanities used as adjectives and hyperbole to label them what they are. These ridiculous dreams are usually completely nonsensical, irrelevant to any form of reality as we know it and on top of that are constantly repeated over and over again as I fight for sleep during a high fever. I hate it. That is the worst thing about being sick. It's not the shakes, the misery or the puking.. its those god damn dreams that I can't shake when all I want to do is rest.

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Dump Truck

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Since I have a stack of stories and have no clue where to begin, I decided to go ahead and pick items I have written down at random to start thinning through the pile until I get sick of sharing. This way, I can dish out a ton of content and start separating the jot downs from the truly absurd. Here goes.

The First: Alright, this first one lacks all sense. It makes zero. I was driving home and here's the scene. Stuck in traffic along a major street there's this dude on the right hand side of the road. This familiar is one of society's greatest achievements: the roadside human billboard.

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Chakhtee: The Downward Spiral

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The problem with taking off the majority of last year is both a tale of happiness and none of your god damn business. The effect on Angry Time and the loyal following is that when real life caught up is that I not only shed the habit of writing, at least fairly often, is that I haven't been able to chronicle a lot of things that I wish I would have as they have developed into major story lines for the blog and will now have to going through literally about 100 stories that have been jotted down and piecing together the relevant happenings that lead us down the trail of land mines and razor wire until we arrive at the feculent corpse that I wish to show you all. So hang tight, we will get there eventually, but first, how some things were revealed to me while at the office.

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