Quite the Pair

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

It would be time spent poorly for me to reiterate the chemistry we have here between Male and Female Boss. The two are quite possibly the most volatile individuals I have ever seen. For starters, when I came back from Christmas Vacation, Male Boss staggered in taking an extra day off from work. The day he was absent, Female Boss was quite pleased. She spent the day taking shots at him and arousing a few laughs out of me. Unfortunately, her underdeveloped wit is all to be laughed at and the jokes are really not worth me rehashing.

So the next morning, Female Boss beats me to work.. I walk into the office and she's buzzing around the office doing this and that. With a raised brow I head to my desk, turn on the computer and observe thru my periphery her level of energy.

"Good morning," I tells her.

"Mornin' Northe."

Female Boss finishes what she is doing and starts up again, "Well, Male Boss will be back in today."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he called me last night and said he would."

"Great."

"Yeah, great..."

"Ma'am?"

"I know he's going to be a bother to me. He always is when he skips a day of work."

I scan my memory for any truth to this. I come up empty. I don't know what she's talking about but whatever. If she's in a pissy mood it only means that there is more potential for a story once all is said and done. I'll just wait for him to arrive and watch the show.

Moments before Male Boss opens the front door, Female Boss has a premonition, "I know he's gonna ask if we have bread here. I forgot to pick up bread for him. Fuck.. that's gonna be the first thing he asks for. God damn it."

The dogs begin to bark, the door opens and slams, "Where's the bread?"

No hi, no welcome back, no happy new year.. nothing. Only the prediction of Female Boss echoing throughout the office cracking the universe ever so slightly, sending us that much closer to doom. I spend little time on this.

Male Boss makes a bee-line to the kitchen asking the question again, "Where's the bread?"

"I didn't get any!" screams Female Boss.

Screams. What the fuck is her deal? Is it that hard to use an inside voice?

"I don't believe that. You really forget it?" asks Male Boss.

Female Boss twists in her seat offering nothing back.

"Okay then. I am hungry. How the fuck I get this pepper grounded?"

"Step on it, asshole!" screams Female Boss again!

Jeezus Christ, what the fuck is she screeching for?

"You want me to broke this thing? I'll fucking broke it."

"Try twisting it you dumb fuck."

Male Boss pokes and prods the contraption and eventually figures it out.

"Okay, so what about wood spoon?"

"Whittle one."

Female Boss is quite ornery. No clue what her deal is. Who gives a doodle.

"How about you stop being the bitch to me? How's that? You're the one that forgets to buy bread and you takes it out at me? Stop being the bitch of our office."

"Up yours."

Then, the funniest shit I have ever heard comes out of Male Boss.

"It's haaard to beeee a womannnn," sings this crazy mother fucker.

Singing! Male Boss! I cannot do this proper justice. Remember that this guy has the worst accent ever, can hardly speak english and on top of that his normal voice ranks between squeaking car brakes and toddler's first tantrum on my list of pleasant sounds. Its like Balki from Perfect Strangers trying to sing a Brian McKnight song. It was terribly shocking and funny at the same time. The best is Male Boss continues to hum the tune! Fuckin great..

"You know that song, Northe?" he asks me.

"Why don't you leave him the hell alone and finish making your witch's brew," shouts Female Boss.

What the fuck is she even saying anymore? What pisses me off even more is that this shut Male Boss up. There was no further heckling at all. I am stuck with this little episode in my head with no explanation about why Female Boss made it her mission to be a complete jerkass to this clown for no apparent reason. Oh well, nothing makes sense in my life anyway. The up side is that I got to hear the mofo sing and I hope he does more often. I should really get a tape recorder up in here.

Born Anew

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

What better day to start a new Angry Time for the New Year than today. Today of days. The day that I go to the ol' company water cooler to pour myself a tall dixie cup of refreshment. Up it fills, just a tad more.. I don't wanna have to go to the water cooler again prematurely.. almost topped off.. annndd *plop!*

This is rather curious. Something is enjoying the coolness of my beverage before me. What kind of being has such audacity!? Upon closer inspection I see a familiar, friendly, wrinkled white mass that is already pruned from days, if not weeks, of bathing. I poke my beak closer to the rim of the cup, "Friend maggot, why must you insist I spend my hard earned money on bottled water from the local mart?"

Its tiny black head offers nay a response.. only the quiet bobbing Female Boss offers the world when posed with tasks beyond the capacity of my new little buddy. Rather than delve on the past 5 gallons of water I have consumed with this chum floating around into it, I instead look to him as inspiration.. the larval stage of a life. Much like the life of a maggot, I have taken the last three months to make sure my body has become extremely efficient in the eating and pooping department... casting to the wind my friends of the interweb! My shame makes my stomach bubble much like that morning.

With renewed inspiration, I decided it best that I fish out my bloated animal spirit and dump him out onto a neutral office chair. Whoever takes a seat in this here chair will bear the mark of my laziness and its gooification will only symbolize my moving past a period in my life that has been nothing less than disgraceful. For I am back Angry Timers! Back and angry, I'll have you know! Angry at the state of the office! Angry at the piles of stories I have neglected! And angry at the fact I was going to spend money on bottled water when I have eaten much fouler things than a water-logged maggot in my day only to give my peers stories to tell my girlfriends at inopportune times! So rejoice friends, for the maggot stage of my life has ended. I have budded into a beautiful fly and I'm ready to once again spew my filth across the internet for your pleasure!... well maybe not just a regular house fly.. more like a horse fly.. those things are like the king of flies.. and they pack a bite.. yess.. horse fly...

Anyway, Female Boss was lucky enuff to wear the albino mark of my laziness on her ass. It was visible for about 2 hours before it was ground into the fabric of her office chair or maybe rubbed off with an indiscreet ass scratch. Chalk one up for Northe and stay tuned for more quality posts my fellow Angry Timers!

Female Boss Shorts 6

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Since I have a lot of stories to catch up on and little gumption to make it happen I am bringing back the highly rated Female Boss Shorts for today's entry. Things at the office are as retarded as ever, I'm sure you can imagine so stay a while and listen. Here are some quick updates on some of the recent happenings.

Scenario #1: Female Boss landed the company a new Client. This is something new for her as its usually Male Boss' job and the Professional's job to get in the high class clientèle. Being that it is so unusual for Female Boss to score a new Client for us, you know that this was never meant to be. I am not sure how she met this women but her last name is Valdivia (Val-dee-vee-uh). Its a pretty difficult name to pronounce if you have no spanish influence around you. Female Boss, Angry Time's favorite New Jerseyite, is not the best at switching gears and turning on the spanish accent. In fact, she is so bad at it that she started calling our new client Mrs. Velveeta. That's right.. like the cheese.. while on the phone with her. The sad part is that she truly thought this was how to pronounce her name. It went on like this for about 2-3 weeks before the woman blew up on her. We are yet to get new assignments from her. Whether that is the reason for the falling out is still up for debate.

Scenario #2: Since Female Boss' splendid plan to get Demonseed a trainer things haven't been more hilarious. Recall that this man is a dog trainer, not a bird trainer. He does the training sessions, I use that term loosely, like he would a dog. Demonseed doesn't give a shit. All the bird knows is that attention is all the rave when Trainer steps in. Their latest teaching assignment for Demonseed? To throw debris out of its cage. Meaning that if you give Demonseed a sheet of paper, they are encouraging the bird to make a mess on the floor.. something that Female Boss and Male Boss have cursed to the high heavens about how many times a day they have to sweep under and around its cage! Something tells me that this bird is training the owners to accept the behavior, more like a reverse grooming. This is nothing new for Female Boss tho.. its what we have seen for years here. The owner bending to the will of the pet.. brilliant...

More updates to come.

Glad You're My Friend

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Lately, Female Boss has been nothing short of a recluse. I am talking about taking no calls from friends, not answering her cell phone and the social butterfly she sometimes can be has all but spun a cocoon of secrecy to hide in. Especially with the Plastics. The Plastics are her usual go-to girls for fun and excitement and she has been really stand-offish with them. It could be that she is finally learning to ignore the siren song of $150 dinners several nights a week that don't fill you up and the overall pretentious attitude that tends to make Female Boss that much more unbearable. Maybe its a good thing, maybe it will turn into a positive. Regardless of my unfounded and optimistic outlook for Female Boss' failing brain, I can tell you that her dodging The Plastics have resulted in her fucking up pretty royally.

For a couple weeks a particular Plastic was blowin up her cell phone and even the office line. I found it kind of odd cuz this particular Plastic isn't much on phone calls and stranger was that Female Boss would usually brush off her call saying that she didn't want to talk to her right now or that she would call her back. Way different, cuz 9 times outta 10 she'd have taken the phone call.. this is no longer the situation. Newly appointed as the office arbitrator, I am stuck with the task of getting rid of this whore and dealing with her nonstop questioning about why Female Boss is not calling her back. I grow weary of her pathetic assault on me and turn it around.

"She hasn't been returning your cell phone calls either, maybe you should get one of your other friends to call her and see if she calls back if you're so concerned."

This angers the Plastic. She thinks that a conspiracy is afoot yet does not adapt to the new challenge laid out in front of her by me. Nor does the Plastic have the smarts to tell me what the fuck she needs to communicate to Female Boss so we can get on with our lives. So, while I am caught between this terd sandwich.. and shut the fuck up idiots, I know how "turd" is spelled and it looks fuckin stupid so I spell it with an "e".. the way it should be spelled.. my world you bitches, deal with it.. and if you're coming here to study for the fuckin grammar rodeo or honing your skills for a spelling contest you came to the wrong fuckin website. Moving on.. being caught knee deep in the rotting brain matter of these two apes starts to enrage me further. Literally 3 weeks into the affair, the Plastic finally gives in to my demands and lets me know that she wanted to make sure that Female Boss was "attending" on Saturday, two weeks from then, as she has not heard from her.

Now that I have something a little more mucilaginous to hock at the gaping spitoon that is Female Boss' ability to process and act upon, I can only hope that it clings on for dear life long enuff for her to nip this shit in the bud. I regret to report that much like common sense, motor skills easily mastered by third graders, critical thinking, coherent thought, basic use and understanding of the english language and self respect.. Female Boss has failed to heed my call and it slips thru the grating to the void of her mind to be swallowed and further fuel her voracious appetite to fail in life. Female Boss even burps up a phrase I am able to understand:

"Probably another stupid party of hers."

No phone call back. No nothing. Just the continued avoidance of her Plastic cohort. So be it. I will play the game and I will play it according to my rules. Unfortunately, not much else is done over the next two weeks. I receive, maybe, a handful of calls from her to which I am forced to continue dodging and making excuses. Whatever. I give a fuck. Female Boss does to.. until the reveal the following Monday after the elusive Saturday!

I come into the office about 10 minutes early to get a jump start on some shit I did not finish the previous night. Female Boss is practically in tears on the phone making excuses for her pathetic existence to some chimp that likely has no clue what to do with the information spewing forth. Blubbering and writhing, Female Boss' display goes on for what seems to be an eternity. She must have received a dozen phone calls and made another dozen herself in the span of a couple hours. Slowly the pieces start to fall into place.

Turns out that Female Boss missed a fuckin wedding! Not just any wedding, the wedding of the Plastic that has been calling her for over a month! Correction.. not just the wedding of the Plastic that has been calling for over a month but the wedding of the Plastic that has been calling for over a month that Female Boss was supposed to be in!!! The stupid fuck Plastic was trying to communicate to Female Boss that she still hadn't picked up her dress, rehearsal dinner.. yadda yadda. Can you believe this shit? The best is that stupid fuckin whore never told me a thing. Never communicated to me the urgency of the whole dealy so I have no remorse.. she deserves nothing less than the cream of gene's pool she now wades in. Fuck her. The kicker is that Female Boss' friends had been leaving her messages on her cell too, in detail, about what was going on. Why did Female Boss not get any of the messages. Let me quote:

"I forgot my voicemail password and was too embarrassed to call my provider."

Hahaha. Wow. Well fuckin done, you idiot! I realize this one is another "close to home" post that if they ever stumble upon it will be my ass but some things are too good not to share. I put my life here at my job in the hands of fate. With the combined brain power of those I mock I would tend to put a healthy wager in my job security.

I Know a Guy Who Knows a Guy

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

One of the most ridiculous purchases of all time took place before I started working here. Male and Female Boss bought an authentic slot machine for the house. I guess they thought it would be a good idea to have in the house and pass time with. Initially it seems like a good idea but you'd be surprised to find out that if there's anything slightly more boring than work its fake gambling. Nothing says Lord, take my life like winning jackpot after jackpot on a machine that refuses to pay out. Terrible shit.

So, here's the deal. Female Boss thinks its a good time to retire this thing from the main room of the house to the corner of the den. The den is more like a dungeon. The den is windowless and appropriately has a light bulb with a pull string in the center of the room. The fate of the slot machine lies within the confines of that personal hell to become a dust collector and depreciate until it becomes something that Female Boss wishes to give away.

Here's the rub. The reason why I even bring this up is cuz the thing weighs a good 250lbs. Its a big clunky beast likely made in the late 50s from old WWII tank parts. Female Boss needs this thing moved and is scared to move it because she does not want to damage the marble flooring in the house. Ingeniously, Female Boss calls up the company or warehouse or whatever the fuck she bought it from trying to see if they can send over some guys to move it. They are more than willing to perform the task and kindly let Female Boss know that its gonna cost $175.

A little perspective here. This move is no more than about 25ft, if that. I tell Female Boss that I think that the cost is a little steep. Female Boss, rather than listening to the logic in my statement, boasts about how they are going to be arriving this afternoon. I decide to keep my mouth shut and get back to work. If she wants to spend $175 for 10 min of work then so be it. I just wish she'd pay me that well.

A team of three clown college graduates get to the house about two minutes before I walk out the door to go home. Female Boss makes no mention to their faces that they are a mere 4 hours late and starts putting them to work. I am in no mood to stick around and watch, so I leave.

The next morning I stroll in and ask Female Boss how everything went. Her face lights up as she begins to tell me how these guys were done in no time at all. She might as well be swooning.

"These guys knew exactly what they were doing. I mean they were great!! If you know anyone who needs a slot machine moved I recommend these guys with high marks. They're the best."

Now hold up, before you start in-mailing me, asking me what the phone number is to get your slot machines moved, lets figure out an orderly way to handle this. Okay, I got it. How about you in-mail me if you don't need a slot machine moved cuz it will save me a lot more time taking one or two people off my mailing list than checking on dozens and dozens of people that are in need of this valuable service. Fuck man, finally.. someone that can move that slot machine. Female Boss has the hook up, guys! We're in!

Time Well Spent

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Just when I thought I couldn't say What the fuck often enuff, Female Boss comes in with some more crap. I mean, what the fuck! I am not one to tell people how to spend their free time but this is just about the dumbest shit I have ever seen. You ready for this? I don't think you are. Jeezus fuck, this is so stupid!

Female Boss is sitting there on her lunch break. She decides to bring in a salad from home today and talking about how "fresh" it is. I hope so idiot, you brought that shit from home! Just when I am settling back in from my lunch break and starting to get my workload started, Female Boss starts rusting through some letters she brought from home.

"This is really interesting, Northe."

"What is?" which is my way of saying what now you, fuckin reject!?

"I am reading some of these ads I am getting in the mail," Female Boss pauses.

I would guess she is reading one or trying to get back that hiccup in her brain so it can start spewing forth further bullshit. Regardless, I take the chance to give her a quick jab, "You mean junk mail?"

"Well, I guess. No, not really. Kinda."

There goes that hiccup again. Her own stupidity is at war with itself. Its amazing!

"Well, I mean listen to this. They use words like exclusive and congratulations and this is an invitation. Then it goes on to tell me that I am part of a select few.

"Okay," I say waiting for her genius to reach its apex.

"Well, I mean isn't this interesting?"

"What is?" At this point I have to challenge her cuz she is fuckin nuts and I want to let her know. Does it work tho? No. Questions are only answered by those with the aptitude to perform that task. Female Boss is only able to put forth idiocy, not describe it. Fair enuff?

"I'm gonna call 'em."

So, here I sit listening to the stupidest conversation of my life between two festering hags that could very well team up to beat a baboon in a spelling contest and still lose. Female Boss is asking them all these questions about the words they use in their ad and then goes on to complement this pigeon on the other end of the phone.

"This is great!"

In the amount of time it would have taken me to hack off her limbs and quarter her torso, Female Boss finishes her conversation.

"Well, get this. They told me to keep the letter that I received if I find interest in using their services."

"Are you going to?"

"Sure, why not? I think they want to make me feel special. Call me crazy but I think they are going to enter me into a raffle." More excited now, "Wouldn't that be great! I mean that would really be something."

How the.. what in the fuckin hell is she talking about!? What raffle!? What anything!? No, I won't call you crazy.. I'll call you a dumb fuck! Do something.. ANYTHING more productive with your time then dreaming up this nonsensical bullshit! Fuck!

Double Cha-jee

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Back in the day a buncha my friends used to go grub sushi at this all-you-can-eat spot that was pretty good. The spot was definitely the place to grub down. It was like $25 for all the sushi you could muster in an hour and the quality, tho not top notch, was up there. The other plus about the place is that it was all-you-can-eat at the sushi bar only. So get the picture of some buffet style slopfest outta your head.

After a while of getting to know the sushi guys we started becoming revered patrons of the establishment. We'd walk in, get treated like kings and the fish would start heaping up in front of us. Even the manager would start talkin shit to us. We'd order certain things and he'd yell out with a thick accent, "Double cha-jee!" Which means double charge. It was funny ass shit and likely you had to be there to appreciate the humor. So, going on to what the day's latest brings at Angry Time..

Apparently Female Boss decided on getting a really nice care package for our top client for no specific reason. Essentially its a show of gratitude, something that will bring our two companies closer together. The gift is coming from a local eatery, Company. There are tons of different food items that she wants to give them. All fresh stuff, it would be a good amount for the employees to snack on all day when it arrives. Sounds like a plan from the heart to me.

The first problem that Company runs into is that Female Boss jotted down the wrong address to deliver the package to. Company calls up the office and I happen to pick up the line. They tell me the address Female Boss gave them. Its completely different than the company address we have in our database, different city and everything. I am now really confused. Its one of two things, either Female Boss is completely off her rocker or they have a corporate office or some such that she is wanting to deliver to. I don't want to make any assumptions so I take down the message for Female Boss and give it to her when she gets in.

"Oh okay. Yeah, I am sending it to their office location. The address we have is just their mailing address."

Fair enough. I'll just go ahead and pick up the phone to tell them the switch. What.. what am I doing? I thought she wanted the package to go out today. Female Boss leaves the office. Hmm.. that's completely outta the ordinary.. Female Boss is acting retarded.

To make a long story less exasperating I'll shorten things up. Over the next 8 work days I get 4 messages from Company complaining that the order was set for that particular day and that the contents of the package are no longer fit for consumption. Every single day they call I give Female Boss a verbal message along with a hand written note with their number and everything to make things very basic for her to understand.

As shocking as it may be, my efforts come to no avail. Female Boss still hasn't called up Company. Then, finally.. the golden opportunity surfaces. I receive a phone call from Company, again. Why these people are so persistent to begin with is beyond me. They have already been paid, what the fuck do they care at this point? Anyway, Female Boss is outside talking to the gardener when they call. I have to get her into the office. I am successful after a lot of hollering for her to get the phone. The best is how the conversation starts.

"Yes, hi," *pause* "Well I ordered that to be delivered like two weeks ago I don't understand why you guys' didn't deliver it," followed by the self-dissapointing "Oh."

Yeah that's right idiot. 'Oh' means you dropped the fuckin ball. After a few minutes on the phone I am happy to report: Comeuppence is at hand!!

"This is bullshit, Northe."

"What is?"

"They made me pay twice!"

"For the second package since you didn't call back and they couldn't deliver the first one?"

"They said I didn't call back in time. I had to pay the shipping cost again too!"

Yeah.. ignore me you jerkass.

"This is bullshit."

You're right. It is bullshit. Its bullshit cuz these people had to waste their fuckin time tracking your ass down. The best is that Female Boss is shocked and appalled cuz they accused her of not calling back in time. She never fuckin called! She was on the phone with them cuz they called her! Get a fuckin clue, idiot. For your insolence you get double cha-jee!

Continuation From Last Post

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

So with our last update on the Eighth Ring of Hell that is my workplace, Female Boss was busy becoming a bilingual prodigy. Unfortunately, Female Boss is likely to be stoned to death before any acclaim comes her way. The following is just another scenario among now, the 100s of stories, that keep me guessing and on my toes while at work:

Female Boss is on the line with Trainer. Hearken back to Trainer. A dog trainer that Female Boss hired to start training her bird. Jeezus Christ.. I can't even type that shit without wanting to spend the next three paragraphs excoriating her very, very slowly. Staying on task.. I catch her midstream, "Well Trainer, you know you're the expert and I don't know anything but I think we need to focus on Demonseed."

Yeah, that's right. Female Boss just said 'I don't know anything'.. well, sorta. I'll take it. So catching up I think, if I recall correctly, Trainer was starting to suggest more time with the other animals rather than on the bird. Trainer has dollar signs in his eyes and thats all well and good. Conan knows any change in this office is for the best.

So literally right after that last confession and suggestion by Female Boss she interrupts all train of thought and blurts out, "Oh! By the way. I have the cutest story!"

I have no clue what she's gonna say.

"I have started to call Pigfoot Gay now." .. "Uh huh.. like, 'come here, Gay!'"

My eyes squint in shrouded disbelief. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with this woman? Of course, it gets better.

"Isn't that funny? Oh! Then, if Pigfoot is being bad I'll call him Puto!" .. "Yeah, it means fag in Spanish. Hahahahaha." .. "Oh okay, well I don't want to keep you, bye."

Female Boss hangs up the line and I can feel the ripple in the atmosphere hit the back of my head as she wrinkles up her face. She's confused. She's trying to comprehend the situation.. wait for it.. wait for it.....

"I can't tell if Trainer thought it was funny or if he just wanted to get off the phone with me."

There it is. I hope it doesn't shock anyone that there was no self-realization at all. If that starts happening, Female Boss will start losing her luster. She must remain in her mentally challenged state. As for Trainer, I just hope he sticks around cuz this has all the makeup of a great relationship.

What Does One Say...?

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I always tell my daughter, if you make it out of high school with the knowledge of two languages you will be among the average; if you make it out of high school with the knowledge of three languages you will be above the fray of the average; if you make it out of high school with the knowledge of four languages you will have the advantage.

Language is key. Being multi-lingual is insane. Being able to communicate to more people will make you a force in life. Luckily, Female Boss has picked up on this even at her later years in life. Its never too late to start taking on the challenges of another language. Who knows, you may have a knack for it. If you do then you can start learning languages quicker than the next and really start expanding your horizons. Let's see what happens in Female Boss' latest caper..

"So Northe, I went out and asked the gardener how to say 'gay' in Spanish."

At least she is interrupting me while I have a phone up to my ear since I am on hold with a client, "Fascinating, what is it?"

"Well it depends, 'maricon' means gay and 'puto' is more derogatory."

I don't comment after that. I actually work instead. As for Female Boss, her wheels are spinning. Who knows what is going on within that dust storm of a brain. Before I know it an hour sails by. Female Boss has likely been in a catatonic state that entire time.

"Ok so, what did I say? Maricon? Is that it?"

"Yup. That and puto is what you said," I answer back.

"Punto like a point?"

"No bitch, puto!" said slightly more respectfully, of course.

"Ohhhhh. Puto. Well what does that mean?"

Arrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!! The best would be if Female Boss was so smart that she was trying to get a reaction out of me. Thing is I stay pretty stoic and just jot shit down. Inside I definitely am raging in complete of awe of her stupidity tho. The fact that someone can tell you what something means then an hour later ask you what the same thing means is frikkin crazy. Then come to find out later she wrote the word as "punto" on her monitor. About two weeks later she put an X over the N. Only in my world..

Brain Dead

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

"These websites.. I don't get it," starts Female Boss.

I can only imagine what kind of nonsense is gonna strike my medulla oblongota. Female Boss is fairly decent when it comes to computers and fairly retarded when it comes to them as well.. though I am sure you would agree that empirical evidence leans more towards the retardation of her computer skills than her know-how. Either way, I only know to expect the worst when she is bitching out loud about her computer. It is her way of getting my expert advice and more importantly my attention to stew in her anguish with her.

"Whats the problem?" I ask.

"Well its these stupid websites. I can never find anything when I use these search engines."

"Which one are you using?" as if it matters...

"I like Ask.com for the most part. It seems to be the easiest. I can just ask the guy what I want and he gives me the results from there but isn't there an easier way?"

Ok, I kinda gotta dissect this statement before I get to the question. "The guy" she is referring to is the cartoon image of a butler, as in, Ask Jeeves.. Mr. Jeeves, if you will. I really have no clue how far the metaphor goes, if it really is one, but for her to say that makes me question her ability to comprehend the internet at all. Female Boss is far too literal when it comes to certain things so it is a cause for concern to those around her that may care. I, for one, do not so we'll just move on.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, I ask Jeeves the question and he doesn't really understand what I mean."

"Give me an example of what you put in the search field."

"The what?" Jeezus....

"Just tell me what you type."

"Okay. Like this one for example. I want to find out about this store back in Jersey. I want to see if it still exists and what they sell now."

"Okay."

"So I type in the field, (roughly remembered by me) 'Does Store in City, New Jersey still sell Products and are they still at the same address?'"

I am dead ass serious. Female Boss is typing complete sentences into this shit with multiple questions as if someone is reading them and finding the information at the speed of light. I couldn't believe it.

Speechless at first, I finally came up with the right words, "What? Are you serious? Ask Jeeves isn't giving you the answer or website you're looking for with that specific of a question?"

"I know! I don't know why I have so much trouble with it sometimes."

I had to take deep breaths and take it easy. I am on the verge of laughing but I want to continue the conversation and see how absurd things get. I can't. I will crack. Bad poker face. Then, Female Boss speaks again:

"Well, I mean isn't there a website search engine that finds what I want without searching for it?"

I didn't say a word. I stood up from my desk and went straight to the restroom. I had to laugh and have some "me-time" to contemplate the hilarity and stupidity of the statement. A search engine that finds what you want without you physically doing anything to generate a search for it! What the hell does that even mean!? Are we talking about a mind reading website? Isn't that what it boils down to? What the fuck is she thinking!? I dunno, Mexi, maybe I need to hire a taxidermist...

Boss Warfare 3

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Sole Scenario: Its the middle of the day. I get back from my lunch break promptly at 1pm. Taco Bell was on the menu cuz I felt I needed to build up my immunity, it was during a flue outbreak and I wasn't gonna fall prey to that bullshit. Dining at Taco Bell made sure of it. More on that theory another time..

I take a seat in the office and Male Boss comes in from the rear portion of the house laughing hysterically. Female Boss follows a few steps behind telling Male Boss, "You're an asshole."

Male Boss laughs harder and louder.

"Want me to tell you why she's pissed, Northe?"

I know better than to ask questions that will give me negative faction to either Boss. I keep my nose in my keyboard and just wait for the gem. Its gonna come, no need to force it or make an unsavory play for it. Just give it a second..

Snickering the whole time, "Come on Female Boss, can I tell him?"

"Fuck off, you fucking bastard."

"Come on, can I tell him how you took a big shit?"

I can feel the heat coming from the sitting room where Female Boss is seated. She has to be bright red with fury and embarrassment. Male Boss knows no boundaries when it comes to decency, especially with me in the office. He tries to be the guy's guy and it comes off about as smooth as sodomy with a pine tree.

"Come on, don't be mad on me. Its funny. You took a huge shit. Stinks up the whole house and clogs the toilet. I got my hands wet helping the toilet to swallow the shit. Just for you. You're gonna be mad on me, Female Boss?"

Female Boss storms out of the house without saying a word. Male Boss is laughing his ass off still. I chuckle a little with him. Poor lass, she really didn't deserve that. You guys though, my Angry Timers.. you definitely deserve it.

Printer Problem

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Its early in the morning and I am just arriving at work. Female Boss is in the kitchen, I say hi. I head to the office and take a seat at my desk. Male Boss springs up from his TV watching and already starts things off. Its a bit early for him, this means he is gonna be cranky. Sure enuff, Male Boss starts barking about some bullshit regarding the printer connected to his computer and how its not working properly. This is a good time for me to grab my trusty pen and pad, so I do.

From the kitchen, Female Boss interrupts his rant by throwing gasoline on the fire, "It just needs to be plugged in, Northe. Don't listen to him. We both know how brilliant of a mind he has when it comes to computers."

I do not get up from my seat. I sit there, waiting for the comeback. Then.. right on queue:

"Hey Northe, I'm pretty sure she fucked it up."

"Okay. I'll check it," I say gratuitously still waiting at my desk with pen in hand.

Why am I still seated at my desk? Are you kidding? Male Boss is just getting started, "She always fucks it up.. don't you Female Boss? Can never let shit the way it stays. Always wants to fuck around, right? Isn't that how you do?"

"You better shut the fuck up right now! I'll fuckin leave!"

Male Boss goes into a mumbling state, "Well I'm pretty sure you fucked it up."

I get up at this point as the pot has slowed to a simmer. Female Boss was quite right, the printer was unplugged.. for what reason or another I have no fucking clue.. and why she didn't solve the problem before it fell into my lap is a totally different skull to crack. It wasn't to conserve power as the power cable was still connected. Even she would know to turn the power 'off' on the printer, wouldn't she? So why the fuck it was unplugged is not for me to guess. I will leave that up to you guys. Anyway, I plug the shit in and call it a job well done.

"What was it then, Northe?" asks Male Boss.

"Oh, just the cable was unplugged on it.. its fine now," I says.

Male Boss focuses his ire toward Female Boss again, "So tell me, Female Boss why the fuck you like to fuck around and unplug that shit? Why the fuck you doing it?"

"I swear to God, you better shut your fucking mouth," she hollers.

"Fuck you, don't ever touch my fucking printer. Never again!"

I coulda counted to 5 at that point. **SLAM!!!** The front door slams shut. Female Boss is gone. She did not return that day. Male Boss didn't give a shit. He sat on the couch most of the day anyway. Crazy fucks..

Grooming the Demonseed Part II

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I last left you with the seed firmly planted, that yes, Female Boss did indeed hire a dog trainer to train her bird, Demonseed. Skipping over the fact that it would take a complete moron to do that we'll go right into the introductory dialogue between the two. It began something like this..

"Just so you know I have never worked with a bird before," said Trainer.

"No, I know. You told me before. I just want to see if we can get anywhere with this training."

Sidebar: Just so you know this took about 2 minutes to communicate to one another. The screaming of Demonseed and barking of the dogs was so loud they moved into the office to where I can hear them no problem. Once they were in the actual office it was much easier for them to communicate and much easier for me to write down their conversation.

"So what do we want to accomplish with Demonseed?" asks Trainer.

"Well, I just want Demonseed to be happy and not screech so much."

"Okay, we'll try with things that keep the bird busy."

Female Boss goes over to the bookcase and grabs some paper. "Like this?" she asks.

"Sure, paper will do."

For one hour these two chimps fed Demonseed paper and Demonseed proceeded to shred it up. Over and over again. They shot the breeze about how stupid each of them is and how its a marvel that people with such untraceable levels of intelligence even possess opposable thumbs.. you know, stuff like that. I just nodded in agreement the entire time.

Before long the "bird training" was just the two of them standing next to the bird cage and talking about music.. and get this.. Female Boss starts going off on how she loves to play the mandolin! She has not touched it in seriously 6-8 months I think. Its just so stupid. Oh, Demonseed? The bird is just standing there on its perch staring and these two whistling every now and then and just enjoying the fact that people are standing next to her for such a long time. The dogs have been barking, not furiously, but enuff to give an average person a headache after this much time has passed.

"Well I should really get going," says Trainer.

"Oh ok, no problem. How much do I owe you? It was two hours right?"

"Yes, $180."

Money well spent if you ask me. Gives me enuff info to write a story about and keeps Female Boss outta the office for a couple hours. Plus there was a lot of progress made. Imagine handing paper to a bird and the bird shredding it up! I mean, its practically inconceivable. The question becomes whether or not this is going to be an ongoing relationship. I am answered shortly thereafter!

"I can't help but notice the dogs are a bit unruly. Perhaps one of these days I can work with them."

"Oh my god! I never thought of that! What a wonderful idea! I think we're gonna have to do it!"

Dog trainer.. dogs.. hmm, dog trainer.. dogs. Dog trainer.. and.. dogs.. dog, trainer.. dogs.. dogs... trainer of dogs.. dogs.. hmm.. no. Nope. I got nothing. Thank goodness Trainer was able to put that equation together cuz there's no chance I'd have even thought of it! I heard a line once.. Shake the nut tree and you're bound to have a few fall in close enuff proximity to drive you to the point of murderous rage. Something like that anyway...

Grooming the Demonseed

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

The more and more I write on this blog the more and more I realize how much I leave out of it due to the worry that one day someone unsavory will stumble upon this blog, report me to the proper authorities and I will be out of a job. Things that I would rather not comment on cuz the connecting of such dots will only make it that much easier to corroborate yours truly in a fiasco to end all fiascoes. The more and more I think about it the more and more I really don't give a fuck. Seeing as though that would spark an entirely new set of Angry Times and the gloves would come off I am likely satisfied with the outcome or with my current state of affairs. So how about I do some more intimate stories involving these Bosses and their antics, yes yes?

We'll go on some idiocy that only Female Boss would think about pioneering. Blazing the trail from the territory of stupidity to less traveled roads.. into the lands of extreme mental retardation. What do I mean by this? Well let's see. Knowing what limited tidbits you know about Demonseed it would be safe to say that either A) you shoot the bird in the face with a paintball gun until an autopsy would reveal a failed set of lungs beautifully coated with a bevy neon colors or B) try to regulate the bird's behavior to where its tolerable. One thing's for sure, these birds are very bright. So why not treat em like any other pet and see if you can train em?

We're now crossing into the lands of extreme mental retardation. If you look out the window to your right you will see a smiling marble bust of Female Boss. To your left, miles of lifeless plains that signify the airy, open space in her skull.

"You know what I'm gonna do, Northe?" asks Female Boss.

"Not yet I don't!"

"I'm gonna get Demonseed a trainer."

"Splendid!"

The following Monday is here in a flash. Female Boss is excited about the trainer headed in to the office today. I am a bit indifferent, knowing what I know all I know is to expect the unexpected. I have become a cheesy character in a poorly written sitcom it seems. I'll just act surprised or feign interest whenever I am called upon.

Around 2pm the trainer, Trainer, shows up. Trainer is greeted with the deluge of horror that greets everyone that enters this vile domain. He's a pigeon of a man. Small, meek and a noting stench coming from his body.. and the matted gel like organic material one would likely recognize as his hair, he is likely swimming with disease. My antibodies quiver in the excitement of fighting off new bacteria.. now would be the ideal time for my HIV to flare up again.

Sidebar: I guess I'll make this a two part post guys. There is far more information and I feel I am long-winded as it is. No sense in boring you before I get to the meat of the matter. However, before I do I'll give you the cliff hanger that will leave you begging for more!

As the pasty husk of this individual passed by the office heading over to Demonseed's cage he waves in my direction.

"Hey, how ya doin," I tell him.

"Fine. My name is Trainer from Woof Woof Training."

Woof Woof Training. Oh, hell no! Please tell me Female Boss didn't hire a dog trainer to train her bird... then again what'dya expect? If I can redirect your attention again to the vast, open, lifeless plains to your left that is the equal to that of Female Boss' mind. To be continued...

Female Boss Mutterings 5

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Indeed! The latest installation of what used to be an all time favorite among Angry Timers. There definitely hasn't been a lack of Mutterings just a lack of will to continually jot them down and sort thru the everyday mutterings and find the real gems. However, in my endless quest to win your favor I have a fresh dose of Female Boss Mutterings that will boggle the mind, make you nod in agreement and scratch your head in bewilderment! Here goes..

"I like mindless tasks." - Yes. So do maggots. Food goes in, poop goes out.

"I'm gonna start getting out of my car and cleaning up trash at red lights." - Great idea. Clean the environment a bit. Just remember to start with the opposite side of the street first, then work your way back to your car.

"A guy like that needs to run for mayor." - After muttering something about how she saw some guy sweeping up the street.. that's good enuff fer'me!

"I'm not like.. all there." - Hasn't she said something along these lines before?

"Another day gone and I haven't done a thing. Oh well." - What? Are we keeping some sort of record now? Cuz up until this point I haven't questioned it being par for the course.

Well that'll do it for this post, friends. I'll do my utmost to keep the mutterings coming. Get the beers in!

Some Peoples' Kids

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I'm just gonna go off on a basic rant today. Nothing work related, just something that inspired a bit of anger from both ends of the spectrum.. as you'll see. Some people's kids are more frustrating to me than others and then the other half of the time I really don't give enuff of a shit to even bother commenting or caring beyond the moment.

The topic of discussion is what some peoples' kids eat. We're talkin crazy ass shit that people eat. Some people might think that sushi is crazy to eat. Those people are met only with a pike to the gullet when they say that to your ol' pal Northey. I personally think that mushrooms are repugnant. Why you'd want to eat fungus is beyond me but hey, I really don't give a shit either way.

The other day fellow Angry Timer, deBACLe, took a video from a wedding over the weekend of what was served to the guests for dinner. Jellied meat. Ever heard of this shit? No? Well, you're probably better off for it. Believe it or not it is served warm like a regular cut of meat. The key is to eat the dinosaur snot, I mean jellied meat, before it gets cold lest ye wish to eat a coagulated tapioca style slurry that is meat flavored. Sound appetizing yet? Have a gander at the video that deBACLe took --> Mmm, just like mom used to make.

That's some fucked up shit. I mean come on. Some breasts don't even shake like that. Its absurd. Cheers, deBACLe, cheers.

So then, the other day, Female Boss was gasping at some garbage in-mail that talked about how horses are bought in the United States, shipped over the great blue seas where they are butchered like.. well, animals.. and fit for human consumption. Female Boss was outraged. Sure, I can understand the whole majesty behind horses. I can understand that horses are considered an elegant beast and far more intelligent than most. People from India think we are sick fucks for eating cows, which they think are godly beyond all else. The bottom line is, when you're fuckin hungry you're gonna eat what you can get your hands and you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

Hell, if you're starving I bet you anything you'll eat some shit that you never thought you'd eat. Its all about survival. How else do you think some bloke (<-- my tribute to the Crocodile Hunter may he rest in peace) in Russia sat there one day and somehow made a gelatinous cube outta meat remnants and pan drippings, served it to his family and the fuckin family looked at the mother fucker and said, "Hey dad, this is some good shit."

Hunger bitches! That's how. I say if you like the way it tastes and you're excited about grubbing down on some foul shit, Do it! Cuz at the end of the day, all the bitching and moaning coming from either end of the ocean about who eats what and what not doesn't amount for shit cuz neither culture is gonna change the other. Wow, that sounded like a PSA. My next post will be much angrier. Sorry :(

Chakhtee Strikes Again

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

You know my friend, Chakhtee? This mother fucker man. What a champion. I mean I know for a fact this guy isn't the brightest and I guarantee you he isn't gonna win any beauty contests but his luck is also a terrible, terrible shit storm. I don't think I have seen anything go his way ever. Plus, I haven't seen the son of a bitch in a while. Ever since he gifted us with Dunkirt he's been a ghost. This would all change and I bet that Female Boss wishes he had stayed a ghost.

A little background on this latest happening came about a little while ago. Basically Male Boss had the seed planted into his head that he should spend a few bucks and renovate the exterior of the Investment Property. He put in a few new planters out front, some new sod and was gonna pour a brand new driveway. The old concrete was kinda cracked and pretty badly stained. He had planned on putting in some brick trim to accent it and everything. A little curb appeal.. why not..

Without getting into the details of the project, after a few days the concrete is poured, smoothed out and ready to cure. They poured it down in the a.m. and I suppose they said after a handful of days the driveway will be good to go for all use. Its now late afternoon, the same day the crew poured the new driveway. Both Male and Female Boss are happy to finally be at the end of the project. Its gonna work out nicely and everything was handled within a week. Not bad at all.

Oh shits.

I'm sitting at my desk writing up some paperwork and hear Female Boss shrieking like a baboon. I get up from my desk and run over to her, I have no clue what's going on. For all I know she fell and broke her hip or something. Then, I see it..

Chakhtee.. ankle deep in concrete, but that's not all. Tire tracks carved into the driveway by Chakhtee's truck. Apparently he had no clue they were doing work on the driveway.. apparently those 6 inch stakes with the red twine marking off the driveway meant nothing to him.. apparently he didn't feel any drag on his vehicle when he hit the wet concrete.. and apparently he got out of his car so quickly he took four or five steps in the wet concrete before realizing the gravity of the situation.

Now I am to deal with the absolute horror of Female Boss going more ballistic than I have ever seen. She is not only screaming but she is cursing like a longshoreman and Male Boss is doing nothing to calm her down. I need you to picture this situation. Front door wide open. Chakhtee kinda stuck mid-stride in wet concrete, Female Boss screaming if he is insured to cover the damage, Chakhtee insuring her that he will repair the driveway and Male Boss telling Female Boss that its not a big deal.

Amazingly, within the tumult of the situation the dogs and Demonseed are about as dumbfounded as I am.. they're completely dead silent. They couldn't compete anyway, not against Female Boss, not today. Before a hobbit could eat a cupcake, a light goes on in Chakhtee's head. He starts retracing his footsteps in the driveway back to his truck, print by print. Chakhtee reaches into his car and grabs a squeegee from his front seat and starts smoothing out the footsteps one by one.

This does nothing to the demeanor of Female Boss. She storms away from the doorway into the main room ranting about how Chakhtee "has the nerve to say that it will look the same as before by the time he's done." I am trying to lighten the mood a little bit but Female Boss isn't having it. Before all is said and done, Male Boss is able to get in touch with the contractor and he sends out a couple guys to fix the damage. What a mess.

Everything turned out fine, the driveway is more than better and there's no remnants of the disaster that took place that day. Good thing too, cuz I've never seen Female Boss go that nuts. What a sight.. Oh, the reason Chakhtee came over.. he was so happy he landed a job at the local Smart and Final and wanted to share his excitement with all of us. Poor guy. I felt really sorry for him after hearing that.

Idiocy Knows No Bounds

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I may have mentioned in passing previously.. Female Boss does have a genuinely good heart but its that brain of hers that seems to be the problem. Empirical evidence definitely backs that statement up so I don't think I will go into it any further and just skip forward to the latest demonstration of stupidity. Even I had a hard time believing this one..

It was all revealed to me while eavesdropping on a phone conversation between Female Boss and some friend of hers. On its surface it seemed to me Female Boss was wasting more company time making random calls to unimportant entities. This went on for a good week or two. I really didn't pay much attention while they were going on but when I heard the recent news it all came together.

The conversation went something like this:

Female Boss started it off, "Hey Friend, I have great news! You know how I was commenting on your beautiful garden when I came by the other day? Well guess what!? I booked a wedding ceremony at your place two months from now!"

Angry Timers.. I am not kidding here. This was not a planned thing, this wasn't even something that was mentioned in passing. This was an outright surprise, if you will, planned by Female Boss that apparently, in her arid desert of a brain, didn't require any clearing with Friend or Friend's husband prior to making phone calls to fucking wedding planners!

Shockingly, Friend wasn't too enthusiastic of putting her house up for complete destruction within the two month period. Female Boss did her best to try and convince her that it was going to be great exposure for the property. This did not go over well either considering when she got off the phone Female Boss commented, "I guess they don't want their property shared with strangers."

I think my favorite selling point that Female Boss presented to Friend was:

"It'll be great. They said you can have all the leftover food!"

I'm really at a wall when it comes to this type of commentary. How someone could wake up in the morning and plan the life of two other people without consulting them first is beyond me. Sure, she's trying to be helpful, maybe get them some additional income.. fame.. anything.. but for fuck's sake when you don't communicate don't be shocked when people really dislike your fuckin meddling.

Let's Talk About Mars

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Aside from the fact that you people are the dumbest ever listening to the hype over the Mars, guess what else you stupid fucks? Just bcuz being 2 miles closer than its ever been, and the heap of dung that the internet tried to tell you that Mars is gonna be the size of the fuckin moon, doesn't mean shit. Now I know my Angry Timers aren't that fuckin stupid to believe that shit are you? Idiots. I bet a shit ton of you thought you were gonna see it. Even tho for the lead up weeks there was NO visible sign of it. Yeah.. that makes sense you titmouse. Cuz whenever things travel they appear instantly! Jeezus christ you idiots piss me off. The level of stupidity is off the charts. However, I will offer you some hope, cuz Female Boss has one-upped the shit outta all you with her latest in bout of stupidity.

Here's the conversation damn near word for word that I had with her a few days back:

Female Boss starts it off, "I think this whole Mars thing plays havoc on people's brain."

I lift my head up using the strength of my eyeballs. You know what I'm talking about.. when you are so fed up with life that you can just roll your eyes up into the back of your head and your chin follows suit. Try it if you don't believe me, shit head.

"How?" I ask, opening the mental retardation satchel that would be most equivalent to what we know as Pandora's Box.

"I don't know."

So not only has Female Boss evolved to the point where she can answer a follow up question without exhausting her entire body in the process but her insight is just unbelievable. Taken aback by such powerful words I slink back into my work.. thinking to myself Please, shut up. Please, shut up. Please, shut up.

"Maybe it depresses people."

The more and more time I spend here the more I feel like Female Boss works for the media. Her laziness and ability to say shit that no one gives a fuck about is astonishing. She really has a gift that mainly members of the media are blessed with. Irrelevant discussion coupled with mindless drivel. This conversation is only doomed to get better.

"I mean look at all the things that happened in the last two weeks with the hurricanes and stuff."

Two completely different thoughts that have nothing to do with each other and I imagine that she confused hurricanes for tornadoes considering thats pretty much whats been in the news. Unless she is that dumb. Hmm, ok. After further review, its a coin flip, so get it over with and move on. Then the hobo ramblings begin..

"Thing is everyone is acting really strange."

Oh, really? I haven't noticed, you whore! Unless you're talking about people going out of their way to waste my fucking time with mindless conversation! That must be what you're talking about..

"Shouldn't NASA be telling us? I mean, they can detect waves of energy. I'm pretty sure they can measure it."

Hoping to end the stupidity from impregnating me I just concur with her.

"Yeah, I'd imagine they can."

Measuring the waves of energy that depress people! NASA is much further advanced than I thought! The problem is that they aren't telling us. Those erudite fucks!! I hope Female Boss really follows up on this breaking story.. and then shares with me her findings...

Boss Warfare 2

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I thought I'd go ahead and resurrect this series again. See if I can't bring the numbered stuff back into the blog. I am finding a bit more time to post now so maybe I can get these 40-some stories written that I have on deck. Irrational reactions abound in this here series of shorts.

Scenario #1: Male Boss is in a rather punchy mood today. He has been screwing around with Female Boss, verbally, all afternoon. Female Boss is in no mood for it which forces Male Boss to continue berating her. Now, the lot of us would assume that in order to get another human being peeved it would take some harsh shit; however, Male Boss plays Female Boss like a fiddle. The simplest of things can send Female Boss through the roof. Such as:

"Wow, the dining room is smelling like shit!" says Male Boss coming into the office.

Female Boss ignores him.

"You let the dogs back there to shit? It smells like shit all in the lunch area."

"Please!!!" screams Female Boss slamming her hands down on her keyboard. She hit the damn thing so hard that some of the keys popped out.. which I had to put back into place. Bright red, Female Boss couldn't do any more work until I fixed her keyboard.. she might have realized she's a bit nuts.. might have..

Scenario #2: This one was rather odd. Female Boss has a friend, a Plastic, that she rarely ever hangs out with but she talks to all the time over the phone. I have never met the lady but we talk like we have met cuz she calls so often. Apparently Female Boss is going out with her for the evening and Male Boss doesn't like her. We'll call her Jamba cuz she has brought up smoothies all week with me on the phone for some reason.

Shocked, Male Boss asks, "You're going out with Jamba!?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen her in a while and I want to catch up with her," says Female Boss.

"You don't know what you're talking about. She has AIDS!"

I have no clue what that means but Female Boss got so pissed off she stormed out of the office for the rest of the day. It might be true or Female Boss might be psychotic. Possibly.. err rather, likely, both. Oh life..