Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Chakhtee Strikes Again

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

You know my friend, Chakhtee? This mother fucker man. What a champion. I mean I know for a fact this guy isn't the brightest and I guarantee you he isn't gonna win any beauty contests but his luck is also a terrible, terrible shit storm. I don't think I have seen anything go his way ever. Plus, I haven't seen the son of a bitch in a while. Ever since he gifted us with Dunkirt he's been a ghost. This would all change and I bet that Female Boss wishes he had stayed a ghost.

A little background on this latest happening came about a little while ago. Basically Male Boss had the seed planted into his head that he should spend a few bucks and renovate the exterior of the Investment Property. He put in a few new planters out front, some new sod and was gonna pour a brand new driveway. The old concrete was kinda cracked and pretty badly stained. He had planned on putting in some brick trim to accent it and everything. A little curb appeal.. why not..

Without getting into the details of the project, after a few days the concrete is poured, smoothed out and ready to cure. They poured it down in the a.m. and I suppose they said after a handful of days the driveway will be good to go for all use. Its now late afternoon, the same day the crew poured the new driveway. Both Male and Female Boss are happy to finally be at the end of the project. Its gonna work out nicely and everything was handled within a week. Not bad at all.

Oh shits.

I'm sitting at my desk writing up some paperwork and hear Female Boss shrieking like a baboon. I get up from my desk and run over to her, I have no clue what's going on. For all I know she fell and broke her hip or something. Then, I see it..

Chakhtee.. ankle deep in concrete, but that's not all. Tire tracks carved into the driveway by Chakhtee's truck. Apparently he had no clue they were doing work on the driveway.. apparently those 6 inch stakes with the red twine marking off the driveway meant nothing to him.. apparently he didn't feel any drag on his vehicle when he hit the wet concrete.. and apparently he got out of his car so quickly he took four or five steps in the wet concrete before realizing the gravity of the situation.

Now I am to deal with the absolute horror of Female Boss going more ballistic than I have ever seen. She is not only screaming but she is cursing like a longshoreman and Male Boss is doing nothing to calm her down. I need you to picture this situation. Front door wide open. Chakhtee kinda stuck mid-stride in wet concrete, Female Boss screaming if he is insured to cover the damage, Chakhtee insuring her that he will repair the driveway and Male Boss telling Female Boss that its not a big deal.

Amazingly, within the tumult of the situation the dogs and Demonseed are about as dumbfounded as I am.. they're completely dead silent. They couldn't compete anyway, not against Female Boss, not today. Before a hobbit could eat a cupcake, a light goes on in Chakhtee's head. He starts retracing his footsteps in the driveway back to his truck, print by print. Chakhtee reaches into his car and grabs a squeegee from his front seat and starts smoothing out the footsteps one by one.

This does nothing to the demeanor of Female Boss. She storms away from the doorway into the main room ranting about how Chakhtee "has the nerve to say that it will look the same as before by the time he's done." I am trying to lighten the mood a little bit but Female Boss isn't having it. Before all is said and done, Male Boss is able to get in touch with the contractor and he sends out a couple guys to fix the damage. What a mess.

Everything turned out fine, the driveway is more than better and there's no remnants of the disaster that took place that day. Good thing too, cuz I've never seen Female Boss go that nuts. What a sight.. Oh, the reason Chakhtee came over.. he was so happy he landed a job at the local Smart and Final and wanted to share his excitement with all of us. Poor guy. I felt really sorry for him after hearing that.

4 comments:

Mexigogue said...

They should have left the driveway like that. I would be willing to relocate to live in the house with Chakhtee-prints in the driveway. He should have just tried to cover it up with a baseball cap.

Northe said...

The baseball cap mighta worked. I'll suggest it to him next time I see him.. just in case it ever happens again.

Phelps said...

It would almost be worth it to keep tearing out the driveway every night and repouring it every morning just to get him again.

Northe said...

The things I'd do if I won the Lotto, sir..