New Car Blues

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Since I took my hiatus last month I have a lot of catching up to do. This one happened a ways back. Male Boss bought a new car this year. Pretty monumental thing since his last car he bought I think 8 months prior. No joke. However, his latest splurge in greenbacks has not only given Female Boss a dose of jealousy but also inspired her to keep up with Male Boss. So wouldn't you know it, not but 4 days later, Female Boss traded in her car of formerly 6 years for a brand spankin new car. Ever since the purchases the two have been competing with their cars. Constantly trying to get little custom crap and what not. Frivolous nonsense I say but to each their own.

The reality of it is, we all know that when you buy a new car you are gonna be hit with some bad luck, right? I have seen it too many times, an accident, a ding, a paint chipping, a rock flying up and cracking a windshield. All the time, its the worst. Its what makes buying new cars fulfilling and enraging at the same time but we always do it and comeuppence is always had. The only question now is how this effects both Male and Female Boss having bought cars within a short period of time? Let me answer it for ya.

Flat, asphalt paved, concrete sidewalk, easy-does-it neighborhood. That's where the Investment Propety is located. Male Boss, for a couple months before getting his new car, has parked in the driveway of the Investment Property, Female Boss has been parking on the street. If you're facing the house, Female Boss parks on the right hand side of the driveway. This trend does not stop. The next week after Female Boss gets her new car, Male Boss backs out the driveway and dings her car. Nothing big but still hits it. Female Boss freaks out on him.. rightfully so. My reaction is pretty puzzled, not really as he has done it before, but still.. I mean, come on. Its a fuckin stationary obstacle. How do you manage to clip it?

Literally a week and change later, Male Boss again backing out of the driveway dings her car again. These are both brand new automobiles, both sustaining damage, both times by Male Boss and both times in stupid ass situations. Female Boss flips out and starts telling him that he is gonna have to pay for the damage now. Male Boss tells her to eat it and business continues as usual. My reaction is now jaw dropping and mind boggling to the lack of attention it requires to hit a parked car.. twice.

I would say in about the same time frame, Male Boss hits Female Boss' car again! In the process, he spilled a paper cup of cream of broccoli all over his new interior. The best part is that he called up absolutely furious at Female Boss while still in the driveway. Why mad at her I have no clue. Probably just needed to vent his frustration that he wasn't given a fully evolved brain.

Now for the best part ever. That next morning Female Boss comes in to the office at about a quarter to twelve. Female Boss comes in and tells Male Boss that she parked on the opposite side of the driveway. That would be the left hand side now if you're facing the house. So apparently he backed out and in his words, "The god damn steering failed" and he hit the car AGAIN! Two days in a row, no less. Just insane. The kicker is that he refuses to pay for any damage and both of their cars have paint rubs, dings, chips and scratches on their front and back ends. Just unbelievable. I fuckin love it.