Coffee Talk

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I have a feeling that I have mentioned this before on Angry Time; however, I have neither the gumption to look it up nor the long-term memory to recall how in depth I got into this particular behavior of Male Boss.. Coffee Days for Male Boss. Its filthy.. and I'm not just talking about the hot, filthy, bean water part of it all. I am talking about the ritual. Whenever this clod feels like making some coffee he doesn't go for the coffee maker, nay! He goes for this fuckin crazy ass contraption. I guess its his wannabe turkish side comin' out. Who knows. I don't pretend to understand this beverage nor do I give two shits, I'm just here to share. Cuz its one thing for you turtle neck wearing, iMac fruitcups to go for your $5 cup of fuckin bean water but its another thing to heat up your mud cocktail in one of those absurd looking, ornate, turkish coffee pots (thats hand painted like this by the way!) it just becomes embarrassing. You want a fuckin doily with that, you priss? Is a regular coffee pot not good enuff for you? Is Krups not up to your standards on pouring hot water over your granules? Is the coffee that much different tasting brewed in some wannabe 18th century vase? Jeezus christ you people piss me off..

So whenever he wants his fill of caffeine laden, brown slurry, Male Boss goes through this ritual every single time. Every.. single.. time.. and realize, its not so much the process of brewing the coffee in that Barbie-time coffee maker thingamajig that's the problem its what happens in the process of brewing it. There is no exception. I suppose its part of his coffee making experience. All I know is that he sets himself up for failure consistently. Once he starts the brewing he'll head into the office area or start watching TV in the sitting room. Either way, he forgets about the coffee. This is what I don't get. If I want something, if I going to make something, if I in any way am preparing something for any fucking reason, I remember that I want it! But no, not Male Boss!

For Male boss its brew and brew and brew till the fuckin' thing overflows. Hell, overflow is putting it lightly. The shit cascades down for a good few minutes caking the entire stove in this wretched, dark brown char that requires a chisel to put a dent in. Now let me reiterate. This happens every time this fuck wants a cup of coffee. Trust me, if I had a camera in that mug I'd have pictures of the devastation for you guys. Its flat out disgusting. It smells, its dirty and its just absurd that we have to go thru the same thing several times a week.. fortunately, sometimes only once a week.

Female Boss' reaction to this is complete rage. However, its the same shit. Its the same fuckin speech about how irresponsible he is, how he has his head up his ass and how he needs his mother to clean up after him. On the heels of this grand chastising ritual the other portion of the madness is that Female Boss consistently cleans up after him! She bitches to the high heavens about his stupid ass yet cleans up after him like a whore maid!

Its just dumb. I mean if yer gonna make a ruckus over shit at least pretend like you have a spine and don't clean it up so immediately. Perhaps grab him by his wind pipe and lead him into the kitchen to clean up after his own mess? Nope.. instead its bitch, rinse and repeat... for countless times.. over and over again.

Sidebar: Wouldn't you know it, the week of deciding to post this story the consistency comes to an end. Instead of boiling over his coffee, this time Male Boss totally forgot about the coffee.. for who knows how long. I come in to work at normal time. No one is there.. either they hired a new interior decorator that thought a thin layer of white smoke across the ceiling is the new "in" thing or something is on fire. I rush into the kitchen and his Faberge coffee pot is pumping out more smoke than Krakatoa. No more than 3 seconds after I turn off the stove does Male Boss rush in to the Investment Property from outside.

"Fuck! I forgot the coffee!"

Needless to say the place is completely doused with that smoke-fresh scent. Female Boss was yet to arrive.. she's really gonna love this. Male Boss mentioned she'd likely be coming in sometime after noonish. Makes me want to run down to the store on my lunch break and pick up a few bottles of Febreeze.