200th Post

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Can you believe it, friends? 200 posts in and literally another 3 dozen sitting on my desk here to be written and scores to come I am sure. The 200th post should be something pretty extraordinary but rather than hype up anything that will likely fall short of expectations I'll just take a few of my favorite Male Boss moments over the course of the last few months and turn them into a synopsis..

I give you, Male Boss:

Scenario #1: Male Boss has his head up his ass. I know this sounds like it is more of a state of normalcy but it truly isn't. For the most part Male Boss is locked in to what he is doing but today he is off his game. He is mumbling and muttering shit that I haven't the slightest clue about. His computer is giving him problems and he is constantly asking me what to click and what to do. I help him as minimally as possible to see the pent up rage run wild. In the midst of one of his spasms he turns to me and asks, "Hey Northe, have you ever worked as a waiter?"

"No, sir."

"Female Boss was a waiter. She fucking sucked. That's what her old boss tells it. Damn it. This fucking computer. Oh well, I'm gonna go take a shit and see what happens."

What does that even mean?

Scenario #2: Male Boss seems bored. Usually when he is bored he'll crack open a bag of his favorite potato chips and turn his shirt into a giant grease stain. Well friends, today is different. He goes for the sliding glass door and grabs Puppy from outside.

"Hey Northe, check out this girl. She's a party girl."

Clearly mesmerized by the importance of his revelation I respond, "Neat."

"Check it out. She's a party girl. Parrrtyy girl. Parrrrrrtyyyy girl," he says rolling his r's.

I turn to look at him just in time.

"Parrrrrrrtyy girl!"

*Snap*

"You mother fucker!"

*Thud*

Puppy is thrown to the ground. Shockingly, Puppy bit his finger. Unheard of I know. Nothing I have ever written before would have ever pointed to that conclusion.

Scenario #3: Male Boss comes storming into the office. Its about noonish. He is flustered.

"Fuck Northe, I am late."

"What's up?" I ask him.

"I gotta meet that Client at his office for that meeting you scheduled for me at 12:30."

"Want me to tell him that you're running late?"

"No, I can make it. Okay, I gotta go."

The phone rings and I answer it, that's the last I see of him. The day turns out to be pretty busy for me. I get up from my desk at about 2:30 for my lunch break. What the fuck?

I see Male Boss in the sitting room knocked the fuck out. I never heard him come back in to the house. There's no way he never left to that appointment... In comes Female Boss. She sees him sleeping.

She starts off with a roll of the eyes and a mutter under her breath, "Unbelievable..." then lowers the boom, "Hey jackass! Client called me asking where the fuck you were!"

"Oh fuck!" Male Boss is startled and clearly has no clue what the hell he is doing.

"Yeah, 'oh fuck' is right. You better think up a better excuse than that shit as you go in there three hours late. I don't know what the hell you are thinking. We land a new client and you treat him like shit."

The whole time Male Boss is in a daze. He's looking up blankly at her from the couch trying to focus. He starts to rub his eyes.

"Well get your lazy ass up! They are still waiting for you!"

"Fuck you, you're wasting my time! Listening to your shit. I have shit coming out of my ears!"

Male Boss forces himself to his feet. He stumbles around like a drunk, bouncing himself off the couch with his hand a couple times before gaining balance.

"I'm getting the fuck outta here," and out the door he goes.

Wow..