Leave The Guy Be

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

You know my friend Chakhtee? Well if you do, you know that he is the token pinata here at Angry Time. He takes it from all sides and keeps coming back for more. Tho, his latest criticism by Female Boss is wayyy over the top.. even for her.

Female Boss is at the office before me for once.. sonderbar. She waves me over while on the telephone. When I get within arm's length, or what I like to call "slashing distance" she hangs up the phone.

"Oh.. my.. god! You have to listen to Chakhtee's voicemail message. He is blubbering like a little girl that skinned her knee!"

"Hmm, okay, "Dial away."

Female Boss hits redial and hands me the phone. After a few rings I hear Chakhtee's voicemail message. Nothing strikes me as odd. In fact, he sounds much more professional than normal. As I listen, I can see Female Boss' eyes widening along with a shit-faced grin bobbing her head up and down much like it would do if I were to mount it on a bamboo pike and placed it outside facing a stiff wind. Oh, the sweet visuals. Back on track I decide to take that smile off her face.

"I don't know. He sounds normal to me."

"Come on! Listen to it again!"

I decide, against my better judgment, to go ahead and listen to his voicemail a second time. This time before it starts I put it on speaker phone so that she can hear it and I can point out that there is no change in tone or pitch and merely Chakhtee's normal voice with a professional voicemail greeting. This doesn't work as intended.

After walking her through it, Female Boss still disagrees and starts to mimic the voicemail message while pretending to rub the side of her right eye, sniffing and sulking like a true fuckin' idiot. I tell her that she is totally exaggerating and say, "Its not at all that bad."

"So you hear it then!" she booms.

This is a statement, not a question. Essentially, Female Boss interprets my words as, "Its not at all that bad." rather than "Listen dumb shit, he sounds normal and you're a boob."

So I tell her, "I could see if he was sniffing or whimpering in the greeting but he's talking like normal the entire time."

"You know what, you're probably right. I just never noticed that he sounds like he's crying whenever he speaks."

One might assume that Female Boss is speaking with sarcasm but she isn't. She truly believes that one can sound like they are crying without making the noises, the sniffing, the crack in one's voice that typical crying tends to do to one's speech. The truth behind this all, methinks, is that she disdains this poor sap so much that she is obsessing over anything that he does to make him out to be worse and worse in her mind. Hell, why not? I am sure there are plenty of people out there that can testify to this little episode as being a sign of fantastic mental health for our friend Female Boss. Keep on truckin' lady.