Another Dose of Crazy

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Sigh. Just when I think that showing off the dogs to neighbors would be enuff to stop Female Boss' irrational thought process that the animals are well behaved and exceptional, this happens:

Female Boss is on the phone with another Friend. Female Boss is fawning over her perfectly behaved trio of canines as if they were the hallmark of decency. Don't ask me about that link, I typed "hallmark of decency" into Google Images and its the only picture that came up, complain to Google.. or India. As if my jaw can use, yet another unhinging, I listen to Female Boss spewing this crap about how well-behaved they have been. This on the heels of Pigfoot's latest creation and The One's case of the "Oops Poops", see Scenario #3.

Who the fuck does she think she is kidding here!? Obviously she is fooling Friend, but how can you tell straight up lies to someone when a different someone, fuckin Northe that's who, that knows all is sitting right next to you!? Is it a lie tho, or is it something deeper, like a blocking of reality? Female Boss is partaking on a journey of complete refusal to admit that she had to crawl on her hands and knees to clean up shit that took on the form of mustard water! Seriously! Someone throw me a fuckin bone here cuz I haven't the slightest clue.

Then the conversation turns to vomit inducing levels.

"Oh I know, I know. They're just adorable! Well, to be honest, I have been looking on the internet to see how I can start them on the path to becoming Show Dogs."

In cartoon land, I think my head would have snapped back, off my neck and rolled across the room. In real life, I clenched my jaw so tightly the enamel on my teeth turned into a residue one would liken to pixie dust.

Assignment: If anyone can come up with a line that expresses both shock and infuriation better than "Holy fucking shit" that I actually like, I will use it often here.

So, wait up, let's get a visual here. Out comes The One, a nine year old dog that when put down by Female Boss cries like a baby. No wait, I am looking at the bad side of The One. Out comes The One, that when grabbed by the Judge for the complementary molestation and nuts check, attacks the Judge with unforgiving wrath. Or how about, The One comes out and is to follow Female Boss around the judging ring but since he's nine and has no idea how to follow a command, does whatever the fuck he wants! Hows that!?

Then Pigfoot comes out and jerks free from the Judge's hands to go dry hump the nearest male dog. Or how about, Pigfoot decides that its his time to take over the world and attacks everyone that gets near him. Quite the Show Dog!

Then Puppy, the dog that is so frikkin insecure she can't even walk with a collar on. You heard me, when Female Boss puts her collar on, she stands frozen until it is taken off! Tug all you want, the dog will be dragged across glass and hot coals before she walks with a collar around her neck. So fuckin stupid..

Yeah Female Boss, great fuckin' call! Show Dogs! Your rabble of unknowing, paragons of incivility would be fantastic candidates for Best in Show! Its a wonder that Crufts isn't knocking down the door to plop your dogs into a trophy! Brilliant!