Just Plain Wrong

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Every season is an event for the fashionistas. Its time to wear whats "in" and toss away whats "out." Fortunately, no one that works at the office is one of these trendy lunatics that seek self-esteem in praise form by those that see through the green eyes of envy and live in the shallowness of anorexic movie stardom. Unfortunately, the one's that have no say in the office, the victims of experimentation and exploitation, become fashionistas by design. I speak of the dogs.

With the extended stay of Old Man Winter comes the undying quest to one-up the other pet owners on the block. I know some of you may think that dressing up your dog is cute and on a good day I might even side with you in that opinion.. where I depart company and unsheathe a pointy stick to make sure you keep your distance is when male dogs are dressed up in female dog winter-ware. This is where I draw the line, all is fun and games until the defenseless becomes the focus of ridicule. You can't lampoon someone that doesn't know he is being lampooned! A mockery I say!

To what end do I owe this outrage? Let me tell ya. Female Boss comes in to work after supposedly being on an appointment all day. She didn't bring the dogs in this morning, which is highly abnormal. Instead, after her lunch break I guess she went home brought them in for the last 2 hours of the day. All of them are normal, so it would seem. I have assumed too soon, Female Boss parades in with The One in hand.

He's got on a new coat. Its white, with white fur and pink embroidery all around it. On The One's spineless back it reads: "Spoiled Princess"

What the fuck! To make matters worse she starts telling The One that he looks like a girl dog. Giggling about how "pretty" he looked. This wasn't enuff to make me post it on Angry Time when it happened. As queasy as it makes me, there needed to be more for it to be worthy of a posting and the other day that additional nudge to push this bitch over the cliff happened. In her self-aggrandizing state of mind, long after I had left work, Female Boss took pictures of The One in the coat and in-mailed them to everyone.

The only response tendered by morning was from one of Female Boss' friends that was received by Female Boss with complete disdain. Boy was Female Boss pissed. I opened the in-mail and copied the entire thing verbatim:

"The One looks like a fag."

Concise, clear and succinct. I couldn't have said it better myself. Clearly someone after my own heart.

Chakhtee, Master of Deception

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

**There won't be another post 'till Monday, the 28th. Happy Thanksgiving, Angry Timers. Get the turkey and gravy in. If you eat tofurkey.. a pox on you.

Do you know my friend, Chakhtee? Chances are, when he was in his late 20s, when Dungeons & Dragons was just becoming popular in the 70s, Chakhtee played a Rogue. Roleplaying such a mysterious character, my best guess is that Chakhtee fancied the arts of deceit and prestidigitation. In fact, now probably in his mid 50s, Chakhtee relives his days of skullduggery in today's storytime.

Chakhtee came to the investment property some Friday a while back with his brand new piglet on a leash! Yes, a piglet, fuckin awesome! Its name is probably the best name ever too. Dunkirt! I mean come on, you can't help but love the piglet already. On top of that, he's as energetic as a puppy and twice as smart. Talk about a rift in the monotony. Well done Chakhtee, but the story isn't about the young Squire Dunkirt.

Chakhtee is experiencing calamities of the fiduciary kind and came asking Male Boss, the other Friday, for any work he can do for him around the house. Male Boss is really good about taking care of this guy. Much like my own take on life, Male Boss gives Chakhtee a hand up and not a hand out. Score one for a little old-fashioned elbow grease! Sure, Male Boss could fork over a few hundred bucks to the guy but why not bring the guy around the office to make him feel human and earn it instead? Sounds good to me.

The deal was for Chakhtee to do some touch up work on some tiles and grout in the bathrooms and on some of the marble. Whatever, no big deal. He comes in, day one, Wednesday, day two, Thursday, and then came day three, Friday, where Chakhtee earns the ridicule from the beginning of this story.

Reiterating, its now Friday morning, Chakhtee is already in the house, when I get to work, doing his thing. Considering that he has a bald spot that is no longer a spot, per se, but of helmet size Chakhtee rarely does anything to cover it up.. to each their own. Yet today, he had on a ball cap. I did a slight double-take but pressed on to the humdrum of the office. After sitting down at my computer for about 20 minutes, it hit me. What the fuck happened to Chakhtee?

I went out to the kitchen to grab a Powerade from the fridge and took a good, hard look at this poor man. What Chakhtee was being plagued by was unlike anything I had ever seen before. His melon-shaped head had morphed, overnight, into something of a gourd. His hat was on but careful examination revealed that it was unclasped. It was pretty frikkin bad. It looked like someone took a sledge to the side of his face. I don't really talk to the guy so rather than taking on the role of a concerned citizen, I took on the task of replenishing my electrolytes via ingesting my tasty Powerade. Though, as callous as I wish I was, I didn't leave this leaf unturned.

When Female Boss emerged from her shopping spree in the afternoon I asked her what the hell happened to Chakhtee. She tells me that he said he has had a tooth ache for the past few weeks and somehow he agitated it last night.

Now let me put things into a little perspective here. Get the image of a honeydew, cut in half, in your mind's eye. Are we there? Now put that halved honeydew up against the side of your face. That's about how insane Chakhtee looked. Except that his cheek bulged out with Chris Kringle-like ferocity. The swelling was so severe that it followed up his jawbone into the temple area. The hat he "wore" no longer fit on his head, rather it lay there, balanced by the steady posture of Chakhtee. Female Boss said that he can barely talk on top of all that and that he had to have a rag in his pocket to wipe away the puss! Fucking puss! A toothache can do this!?

What's worse is I never received closure on this one. That was the last time he worked on the house and I didn't see him for another month. Female Boss never asked him what ultimately happened; if a team of surgeons had to drain his bulbous, puss-filled face or what. Talk about disappointing but talk about a pathetic attempt to disguise what could possibly have been the most grotesque disfiguring I have seen in my life! So FYI Angry Timers, next time your head swells up to almost double its normal size, a baseball cap doesn't help. More than likely it draws more attention to the problem than not.

Easily Amused

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Female Boss comes in almost 3 hours late to work. I have several messages for her posted on her computer but this isn't important. What is important is checking her in-mail. Its nonsense time during my watch but I have to be Serious Business while she is impressed by internet parlor tricks circa 1991. Like this fuckin daisy of an in-mail: Random jackass friend of yours sends you an in-mail with some title that is supposed to spark your interest. Instead of doing that, the only reason you open the in-mail is bcuz you hope that the asshat isn't trying to expose you to more nonsensical spam. Every time you open that stupid in-mail and every time you are wrong yet you keep doing it. Pieces of shit and their spam.

Sorry, sorry but fuck this.. I am ranting so try to keep up with me here. The stupid title of the in-mail says "Clean your monitor from inside." God damn it, I know some of you jerkasses are sitting there laughing cuz you've seen this stupid shit before. Yeah, you have. You open the attachment and there is a cat, dazzling to a newborn child, "licking" the computer screen from "inside" of the monitor. Northe's response: Har, har, har. Great fuckin' gag, close the in-mail. Don't send it to anyone. Don't waste anyone's time. Delete. But that's not the response shared by Female Boss, instead I get, "Incredible!!"

My interest isn't so much sparked as it is my programmed reaction to a) pretend to care about what Female Boss is talking about and b) perhaps this emotional outburst will yield a story for Angry Time. I see the kitten licking the screen and turn my head squeezing my eyes as tightly as I can as if that will help me escape this horrific world.

"Oh my goodness! This is the best!" she squeals.

Did I mention the movie loops itself. That's right, its never-ending.. the entertainment doesn't stop. Ever.

"You can't beat this one!"

Looped, a three second loop. Same shit, over and over again. The average person cannot possibly watch this for more than 15 seconds.

"I am enthralled by this! This is the best!"

No matter how much I will this scene to end it keeps going. At this point even God is shaking his head. Then, He looks over at me and starts to laugh.

"Would you get a load of this!" she continues.

Ignoring her does nothing but prolong the situation. I cannot bring myself to feign interest or contribute to her wallowing in cheap humor. I just sit there and stare at my monitor and think maybe, just maybe, that cat will be as enthusiastic licking the blood off of her screen one day.

"I'm gonna have to send this to everyone!" says the idiot.

Thus, the cycle continues. When that jackass in-mail hits you, you now know how its propagated. You know how the madness doesn't cease. You know the means by which the worm bores into your brain, infects, then eats away. All in a matter of 5 minutes. Be wary and do us all a favor by not forwarding any of these bullshit in-mails. Please!

Dog Shorts

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Eh, why not start up another series. All these short stories make for having to expound and expound with filler to make it worthy of a single post, so I have decided to just bunch a couple together every now and again to get em on Angry Time. Quality over quantity.. a direct example that shows that I care about the reader! We'll start off with a healthy subject: dog shit. The first two scenarios will answer any questions regarding Pigfoot's and Puppy's bowel movement tendencies.. by popular demand of course. Hey, I'm just lookin' out for you guys.. its been a good month.

Scenario #1: One thing about Pigfoot, aside from being an unstoppable force in the canine world, is that he knows how to get under people's skin. Female Boss rarely lets him out into the house. Reason being is that he is destructive. However, this doesn't deter Female Boss from testing the ever-boiling waters, that is Pigfoot, to be scalded. This happens at least 84.6% of the time:

Pigfoot starts getting grumpy and starts barking to get into the house. Female Boss can't take it and eventually lets Pigfoot in. Anywhere within the first 30-60 secs of not being watched, Pigfoot takes a giant shit in the middle of the dining room. Sweet, sweet Pigfoot.. he must like taking shit on the cold tile.

Scenario #2: Puppy has been the favored pet of the trio lately. Female Boss caters to her every whim and lets Puppy stroll around the house almost the entire day now. I don't mind it cuz even with how brain dead Puppy can be, she still provides some good company during downtime. Such as, calling her over to then ignore her and watching Female Boss trying to train her with different commands everyday. Inconsistency doesn't work well apparently, just so you know. Who'da thunk it?

So the other day, Puppy is out and wandering around. Female Boss gets up to head out for lunch. Turns out Puppy took a shit by the front door. My best guess would be that Puppy was trying to get out, couldn't hold it any longer and dumped closest to where she was supposed to.

Then came the question for the ages by Female Boss, "God damn it, Puppy. Can't you do that outside?"

/sigh

Scenario #3: I am pretty sure that I have mentioned in passing that The One and Pigfoot hate Puppy. They literally, in my professional pet behavioral analysis, want to kill Puppy multiple times a day. In fact, here's a bit of Angry Time trivia for when Angry Time: The Board Game hits the shelves --> Female Boss generally leaves one or two dogs at the investment property every night bcuz when she takes them home with her they, in her words, "Fight all night."

So, whenever the aggression sparks up you hear the low growls and then as their fill of Puppy starts to steep they do a combination of barks and growls. This type of behavior is not good in the animal kingdom, folks. I think Commissioner Phelps would concur on this, since he has shared his expertise on the subject in the past, as well.

In a desperate plunge to become a more responsible pet owner, Female Boss believes that intervening during this type of behavior is the best thing to do. Hey give the woman credit, only took about 10 months to unearth this solution. The way she attempts to stop Pigfoot and The One from tearing the soft flesh from Puppy's skeletal frame by shouting, "Hey!"

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but its the justification for her screaming that makes this noteworthy. Typical scenario, dogs getting ready to attack and Female Boss screaming, "Hey!" After excessive ignoring of her cries Female Boss switches it up with a loud clap and a, "Hey!" shout. It works, they stop.

Female Boss, drunk on her own pride comments, "Sorry for shouting, I just have to stop their brain thing."

Uhh yeah, if only someone would come over and start your "brain thing."

Female Boss Shorts 5

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

**I know I know, Friday means Sensei Clause conclusion posts. I need some inspiration tho. I'll try to get another up next Friday.**

Sometimes I get dizzy thinking how amazing it is that this series is already on #5 then I look at the heap of stories I have sitting in front of me on my legal ledger and know that I have enuff for another 5 more. What can I say, she's an interesting lady this Female Boss and she consistently brings inconsistent levels of intelligence to the table. Well, here's to another set of Shorts. These are pertaining to food oddly enuff.

Scenario #1: Chow time for the dogs. Female Boss heads for the kitchen while she simultaneously puts some ham on the frier to make one of her patented fried ham sandwiches, yargh. None for me today thank you very much. I happen to have the other half of my chicken parmesan sandwich sittin in front of me and there's very little that sounds better to me than this right here.

Before too long I hear the clank of the dog food being poured into the stainless steel dog trough built for three. I dive into my sandwich and cut the strings of cheese coming off of the chicken with my teeth. Female Boss takes a bite into her sandwich and gives off her typical moan and comment at how delectable it is. Everyone is on cloud 9.. well, not so much.

With a concerned edge to her voice, Female Boss asks, "Why aren't you eating honey?"

A few seconds pass.

Female Boss laughing now, "Oh crap, instead of buying dog food this morning I bought guinea pig food."

Northe = speechless.

Scenario #2: Female Boss is rummaging thru the fridge in search of something tasty. Chances are there isn't much as the shopping has been at a stand still for restocking the investment property. I am wise tho, I know this and brought myself a little Taco Bell to keep the belly full.

Female Boss starts thinking out loud from the kitchen, "Oh, here we go, smoked salmon."

A sound somewhat like, "Eaurgh," comes from the kitchen.

"You ok?" I ask.

"The expiration date on this is 8/30/04. I can't believe how quickly this expires."

8/30/04 I'm thinking to myself.. if it was quickly that means you bought it around summertime last year, if its slow to expire that means you bought it in '03 or earlier. My stomach turns at the thought of it then glee takes my heart as I hear more thoughts spoken out loud.

"You know, I kept it around for when guests came."

It went on, "Wow, I've been snacking on this all year... well, I'm glad I looked."

A small voice inside my head tells me not to share my happiness with her.

Scenario #3: Nearing the end of the day Female Boss is looking for an early dinner at the investment property rather than heading home to eat. I can't blame her, easy alternatives satisfy that much more. Then, a synapse in Female Boss' head fires, "Hey Northe, have you ever eaten cream cheese with turkey?"

Sounds odd, but basically you make a turkey sandwich on a bagel, add a slice of tomato and instead of using a slice of cheese put a little shmear of cream cheese on it, big whoop, its good tho. I find it troubling she is asking me this as she is the one that introduced me to it! I guess forgetfulness and idiocy go hand in hand, so I'll play along.

"Yes," I answer.

"Oh, well have you had it on a bagel with tomato before?"

Fending off the urge to get up from my seat to perform terrible deeds, I answer in the exact same way as the first time, "Yes."

"Really? Where have you tried a sandwich like that before?"

My voice reeks of condescension, like I give a fuck, "Here."

"Oh."

Yeah, oh. Oh, my brain fails to function 90% of the time I attempt to use it, or, oh, I was thinking Northe, maybe when you find the free time you can take this butter knife I used to spread the cream cheese on my sandwich and saw away at the major artery of your liking? Which one? Cuz that "oh" couldn't mean anything other than those two options. This is one of those times when eeny-meeny-miney-mo can be used to pick a solution without catching ridicule.

Another Dose of Crazy

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Sigh. Just when I think that showing off the dogs to neighbors would be enuff to stop Female Boss' irrational thought process that the animals are well behaved and exceptional, this happens:

Female Boss is on the phone with another Friend. Female Boss is fawning over her perfectly behaved trio of canines as if they were the hallmark of decency. Don't ask me about that link, I typed "hallmark of decency" into Google Images and its the only picture that came up, complain to Google.. or India. As if my jaw can use, yet another unhinging, I listen to Female Boss spewing this crap about how well-behaved they have been. This on the heels of Pigfoot's latest creation and The One's case of the "Oops Poops", see Scenario #3.

Who the fuck does she think she is kidding here!? Obviously she is fooling Friend, but how can you tell straight up lies to someone when a different someone, fuckin Northe that's who, that knows all is sitting right next to you!? Is it a lie tho, or is it something deeper, like a blocking of reality? Female Boss is partaking on a journey of complete refusal to admit that she had to crawl on her hands and knees to clean up shit that took on the form of mustard water! Seriously! Someone throw me a fuckin bone here cuz I haven't the slightest clue.

Then the conversation turns to vomit inducing levels.

"Oh I know, I know. They're just adorable! Well, to be honest, I have been looking on the internet to see how I can start them on the path to becoming Show Dogs."

In cartoon land, I think my head would have snapped back, off my neck and rolled across the room. In real life, I clenched my jaw so tightly the enamel on my teeth turned into a residue one would liken to pixie dust.

Assignment: If anyone can come up with a line that expresses both shock and infuriation better than "Holy fucking shit" that I actually like, I will use it often here.

So, wait up, let's get a visual here. Out comes The One, a nine year old dog that when put down by Female Boss cries like a baby. No wait, I am looking at the bad side of The One. Out comes The One, that when grabbed by the Judge for the complementary molestation and nuts check, attacks the Judge with unforgiving wrath. Or how about, The One comes out and is to follow Female Boss around the judging ring but since he's nine and has no idea how to follow a command, does whatever the fuck he wants! Hows that!?

Then Pigfoot comes out and jerks free from the Judge's hands to go dry hump the nearest male dog. Or how about, Pigfoot decides that its his time to take over the world and attacks everyone that gets near him. Quite the Show Dog!

Then Puppy, the dog that is so frikkin insecure she can't even walk with a collar on. You heard me, when Female Boss puts her collar on, she stands frozen until it is taken off! Tug all you want, the dog will be dragged across glass and hot coals before she walks with a collar around her neck. So fuckin stupid..

Yeah Female Boss, great fuckin' call! Show Dogs! Your rabble of unknowing, paragons of incivility would be fantastic candidates for Best in Show! Its a wonder that Crufts isn't knocking down the door to plop your dogs into a trophy! Brilliant!

Cooking Time!

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I was pretty excited coming into work today. Yesterday, rumor had it that Male Boss was going to be cooking up some classic dishes from the mother country today for lunch. This excites me cuz as nutty as it sounds, Male Boss can throw down in the kitchen. The guy makes some fucked up shit you can't pronounce and you would never think of as putting together as a meal but hot damn if it isn't tasty bird. I mooch off them nonstop and a change of pace is welcome thing when it comes to lunchtime.

My hopes were dashed about one hour after I arrived at the office. Male Boss had an urgent meeting to attend to and would be gone the majority of the day. Such is life, looks like the basic will do. Then, a ray of light is sent through the clouds. Female Boss steps up to the plate and says she'll cook something in his stead. Eh, I'll take it. She has grilled up some stuff on her little hibachi grill out back before and it wasn't bad at all. Its pretty hard to fuck things up when you just throw meat on fire. Things are looking up.

Female Boss takes off an hour later to hit up the local grocery store, I get a chance to fuck around on the internet while getting paid and I am looking forward to a hearty meal. Female Boss comes back, starts cooking up a bunch of stuff. She tells me what she is making. Pretty basic but, hell, who cares? Grilled pork chops, some veggies and some lime concoction she likes to dip her pork chops in. Sounds fantastic.

Just when everything was coming together, Female Boss puts on a masterful display of intelligence.

"Ah fuck, these aren't limes."

What a daisy. Surely this couldn't be, as most children know the difference between the numerous citrus fruits we have in our grocery stores nowadays. Then came the back story on it all.

"While I was in the store looking for the limes I came across these huge ones. They were the biggest limes I had ever seen. It was just so silly because they were marked as oranges but look, Northe. They are as green as can be."

"But they were marked as oranges?" I ask.

"Yeah, they had them in the orange section. I thought they made an error on the signs."

"You didn't squeeze em a bit and smell em to double check?" I probe further.

"Noooo," she says completely insulted by my question. "Why would I?" Then trailing off, "Damn it, I can't believe they aren't fucking limes."

So, for future reference, items marked are definitely not what the sign says, just ask Female Boss.

Female Boss Mutterings 3

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

More under the breath, nonsensical rantings from the mindless.

"You know, maybe that's the.. maybe that's the ummm... ahahaha hahah." - What the fuck..

"Someone should design a bird handling glove." - I forgot those don't exist..

"Well, I think you can get in a rut in this weather, can't you?" - I don't know how to answer that.

"Excedrin is not for tooth decay." - If that's not on the label it should be.

"Gonna have to ask the vet about the blood in Puppy's stool." - I don't know about you but I love the word "stool."

"Shlomo, shlomo. Sounds like slow motion." - What do you want from me that hasn't already been sufficient with her own stupidity?

"Seems like everyone has June Gloom." - In October..

"He looks like Robin Hood." - While looking at a fax with nothing but text on it.

"Where did the day go!?" - While the clock reads 11:40am.

We'll end with what has to be the quote of the year:

"Sometimes it helps not knowing anything."

Yes. I swear on my life. I think she had an epiphany. The chances of her having an epiphany considering that the statement was said some time last week and I already have 11 new drafts on deck for the blog, chances are the answer is a resounding no. Eh, oh well, more fun for us.

Stress Apportioning

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Whenever Female Boss is stressed about something she does her damnedest to make sure that someone else is feeling the same way she is. I touched on this slightly in paragraph two of the first Master of Analogy post. Its her need to seek, then dump and finally, commiserate with someone else bcuz, clearly, it eats away at her brain.. literally and figuratively.. what's left of the acorn size nub anyway.

For the time I have worked here I never really noticed that it is more than just sharing an opinion or feeling on a subject. Its the actual attempt at getting the listener to become as stressed out as she is. For the most part Female Boss only behaves this way when it comes to stress. Disturbingly so, it is a pattern.

It never really struck a chord with me until recently. Being as unamused as I am while at the office, all of her sharing with me reaps nothing but unemotional responses and replies. Before long, I doubt she will ever speak to me about anything aside from work cuz I am not giving her what she wants from a conversation (read as: bitching session). I guess one can always hope.

The conversation happened about a week before today. Female Boss' Friend is planning on going on a cruise for a week. Friend has a cat that Female Boss is fond of. I recall her stress building up since then regarding the matter. A week's worth of conversation on the topic can be summed up with this:

"I just don't think its right for her to leave her cat behind for a full week," she tells me.

"She's taking it to someone's house, leaving it at home or what?" I ask.

"No, she's taking it to a pet motel."

"Oh, that's not bad.. we used to call them kennels in my day," I quip.

"I just think its wrong. I mean so many bad things can happen there. Fleas, ticks.. she could get sick. What if she doesn't eat?"

Female Boss' irrational thought process is fertilized with bullshit that comes out of anyone's mouth that just wants to carry on a conversation with her. I want no part in growing this crap crop, so I hang up my Mantis and enjoy a cup of shut the fuck up. Come on, reap.. fertilize.. crop.. oh the punnery!

Its the day before the trip and talking to me only leaves a dissatisfied taste in Female Boss' mouth. Instead of bothering me further, Female Boss turns to ye olde (with an E) telephone. She calls up Friend to let her know how concerned she is. Before long, Female Boss is describing some of the worst case scenarios that could ever happen at a kennel. I jotted down a few things that she said. The four things she already mentioned before were said along with:

a) What if there's an earthquake?
b) What if there's a fire at the kennel?
c) What if the other animals really don't like your cat?

Let it be known, this conversation was a good 15-20 minutes of Female Boss just harping on this shit to Friend non stop. Every time Friend would come up with some sort of rationalization Female Boss would throw another one on the table in hopes to drag her down into her morose. Then, like storm clouds suddenly parting, Female Boss tries to hem everything up by saying, "I mean I don't want to make you worry while on your trip, I am sure the cruise will be a blast."

Gee, thanks. Fill my head with bombastic, horrifying scenarios for my pet but yeah, I'll have a great fucking time on my trip! No worries at all! Thanks for the concern and making sure I know how my animal could possibly suffer while I eat my weight in shellfish! Thanks tons.. whore..

IMing

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Divert Your Eyes: Take a look over there ---->
There's some new content and links. Be sure to pay your respects to the "Angry Time Suggests" links and the brand new, infinitely helpful and extremely underrated "Angry Time Gift Ideas" link inspired by the silent, yet stirringly angry, Liq. You go! You go now!

The Story: The age of the internet beast has brought along a slew of conveniences and awe inspiring possibilities. Female Boss is probably the most interested in what technology has to offer between the two Bosses. Before I acquired employment at the office, the place was without in-mail and any connection to the internet. So imagine their satisfaction when I came in and absolutely revolutionized the office by brining them into the late 1900s.

Without binging on my own feats of genius lets re-focus on the story. Female Boss has recently discovered that programs, like ICQ, can be used to instantly message (IM) people all over the world, well.. instantaneously. This is her new thing. She loves the fact that she can talk to anyone whenever they are online. What's better is, now, her brother's son, about age 6 or so I would imagine, is starting to use IMing to talk to family members every so often.

Most of these conversations are the typical run of the mill, brain liquifying excrement. The only difference is that it happens to be with a young kid, which makes it an ass hair's width more forgivable. Truly, its not necessarily Nephew that makes these communications pathetic either. More likely, its the moronic tangents and questions that Female Boss loves to bring up when speaking to anyone that is a child. (ie. Scenario #1 : "What are you doing for St. Patrick's Day?")

To the point. Nephew, becoming more and more internet savvy by the day, has now discovered how to send sound files through his IM program to Female Boss. This is absolutely astounding to the mind of Female Boss. A little perspective here. Female Boss manages her online portfolio, shops, pays bills and does internet banking via the internet. This all pales in comparison to the fact that one can send sound from one computer to another.

Nephew has chosen to send this old man cackle of a sound file and send it often. Its hilarious. "Hahaha ha." If this post goes up without a link to hear it, it is bcuz I looked everywhere and have been completely unsuccessful in locating the exact sound file. Just about every 5 seconds during the conversation he is pumping the sound through the speakers. Kinda reminds me of the AOL commercial with the frog that says, "Hiya!" and the little blonde-haired kid that says, "Do it again!"

So Female Boss is cracking up and so am I. Unfortunately, like most beatings administered on carcasses, it gets old fast. Within 15 minutes Female Boss is starting to mutter evil thoughts under her breath. "Okayyyy, thats enough already."

"Hahaha ha," goes the cackle, over and over again.

What I thought was getting old fast was actually becoming more interesting by the second. Intrigued I start documenting. Its like a cacophony of berating laughter haunting Female Boss and shattering her will to live. Invading her very soul, Female Boss turns flustered. Reality hits her, dead center, in her solar plexus: Her new favorite sound has spiraled from novelty to devilry within minutes.

"I wish he would shut the hell up with that now."

Telling him would not only be too easy but also too logical.. you know this. This option would never be explored by Female Boss. Turn down the volume or turn off the speakers? If this thought is even crossing your mind, you need to start reading from The Primer and continue from there cuz you didn't pay attention to the first thing written on Angry Time and have no clue what makes Female Boss tick (Hint: Its not rational thinking.) Her frustration is getting the better of her as Female Boss resorts to physical writhing and sighing. I arrive at the self-realization that I am now a Zen Master when it comes to being able to laugh on the inside and remain stoic like a DragonLord on the outside.

"Hahaha ha. Hahaha ha. Hahaha ha."

"Fuckin' quit it!" yells Female Boss at her monitor.

I nearly crack. Then, as if a miracle was bestowed upon Female Boss, the laugh stops. Nephew has gone offline. Relaxation pours over Female Boss and all is well. However, this is not the end nor will it be. Every single time Nephew gets online, he bombards Female Boss relentlessly with the cackle. It drives her up a wall only after hearing it a few times. Any parent would be proud to have such a child.

To date, and this has been ongoing for weeks now, Female Boss is yet to be able to counter Nephew's assault.

Showing Off the Dogs

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Its really harrowing how these dogs just aren't trained. I mean come on, The One is an everyday candidate for the Dr. Phil show; Hannibal Lecter could be hired to make Pigfoot become a more rational animal and as for Puppy.. well, she just needs a trip to Oz where she can hopefully pick up an essential organ for her noggin. As everyday goes by they become more and more comfortable with their unacceptable behavior (ie. this, this and this to name a few of the many written and to come).

For lack of a better word, it all just sucks. Dogs shouldn't be this dumb. They crave boundaries, knowledge and pleasing their masters. A little perspective on where I'm coming from and why it irks me so badly is bcuz every dog that I have had has been incredible. They were all trained, obedient and just awesome pets. Those that know me know this to be true and for the most part every dog that anyone I have known, until now, has been fine if not outstanding. Its like seeing all the incredible talent in the NFL yet someone like Vinnie Testaverde still gets playing time. Its a fuckin travesty.

The worst part is that Female Boss pretends like she doesn't care but deep down she does, yet refuses to do anything about it. She wants the dogs to behave and be good and smart but does jack shit about it. How you can have the intent but not the drive to do something is beyond me.

Here's the story. A neighbor came into the house the other day, out of the blue, for reasons unknown to me. Female Boss takes this opportunity to show off the animals to Neighbor. The exhibition starts off with testing Neighbor's tolerance to withstand 100 decibels for an extended period of time (read as: all dogs and Demonseed going apeshit).

Once they die down, Female Boss lets out Puppy. I figure I am getting ready to see Puppy clamp on a finger, I am wrong. Instead, Female Boss wants to show off how intelligent Puppy is, "She's really, really bright. Watch."

My face twists on impact of the lie hitting my eardrums. Female Boss sets down Puppy and Puppy starts running all over the place in spastic fashion. Female Boss is snapping her finger and whistling for her. Puppy is dashing to and fro not paying any attention to whatever the hell it is that Female Boss thinks she is doing.

"She's just a little excited bcuz you're new here," comments Female Boss with a smile.

Female Boss regains her composure and shouts, "Puppy, come!"

Puppy comes over to me for petting. I pick up the poor canine and hand her to Female Boss. The curtain is drawn again, take two. Female Boss sets Puppy down on the ground. Puppy seems a bit more attentive. Alright, maybe she does have something up her sleeve, I think to myself. Female Boss takes a few steps back.

"Puppy, come!" commands Female Boss.

Puppy gets up and walks away from her.

"Stop! Puppy, stop! Come!"

Puppy looks back at Female Boss.

Female Boss smiles at Neighbor quickly and goes back to her display, "Puppy, come!"

Puppy makes a mad dash toward Female Boss but goes well past her back into the office where I am.

"No! Come! Puppy, come!"

Puppy goes into the sitting room and hops on the couch.

"Stop! Come! Argh, she's usually so good." Female Boss lets out a whimper, "Pupppyyyy."

Neighbor loses interest and walks toward the kitchen, "You mind if I grab a glass of water?"

It really is pathetic. I feel bad but then again I really don't. You embarrassed yourself in front of your neighbor bcuz you didn't train your dog. Where Female Boss comes off thinking that the dog knows english is beyond me. Not once have I ever seen her practice commands with any of the dogs, yet she expects some miracle to happen just cuz she wants to look like a good owner. You fucked up, not the dog, you.

Do You Know My Friend...?

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Do you know my friend, Chakhtee (chock-tee, but if you can, make that throat clearing chhhh where the ck is)? This guy has been coming around for as long as I can remember. Chakhtee is a good friend of Male Boss and interjects himself into our lives fairly often. Most of the time Chakhtee is hard-up for cash and needs some sort of work. Male Boss, being the compassionate man that he is, often times lends him a helping hand. The guy is Armenian, speaks english pretty well, has the typical accent and his staying power for comedy has proven to be gold and will therefore now become a cameo star much like The Professional.

I'll start off with an old story about Chakhtee, most likely all the stories will be from the past and we'll work our way up to the present. This happened to be when I first started working here at the office. I was not too savvy about the inner-workings of the office, who Female Boss hates and likes to be blunt with.. even in the beginning I never picked up on her hatred for Chakhtee until a few months ago.

Apparently, the bad blood between Female Boss and Chakhtee goes back to when she was engaged a decade or so ago with some guy. When the wedding was called off due to reasons that are not only none of your business but are also none of mine, Chakhtee decided to barge into her life.

Physical description of Chakhtee is something of a hobbit being cross-bred with this thing over here on the left of Brando from the Island of Dr. Moreau. No joke. He's maybe 5' tall and has a nice rounded belly. So you can imagine Female Boss' excitement at having someone like Chakhtee pursue her. The twist in this tale is that Chakhtee did not do the usual song and dance of most men to entice a mate. Instead, Chakhtee walked along the road less traveled. Told to me by Female Boss the story went something like this:

Chakhtee makes a phone call to Female Boss a day after he hears of the break-up. She thanks him for his concern. Chakhtee calls every day to make sure she is fine. She says she is.

Around day 8 or so, Female Boss tells Chakhtee that there is no need for him to call anymore, that everything is fine and that she will contact him in the future if she needs anything. Chakhtee reluctantly accepts and plays it off like it was only in her best interest that he calls her, nothing more than that. As one can imagine, Female Boss is creeped out regardless of what he says.

Two days pass and Chakhtee calls Female Boss again.

"I thought I told you that I would call you and that I am fine," says Female Boss.

"No, no, no I understand. It is not regarding you it is regarding me," answers Chakthee.

"Oh, and?"

"Well, ever since the last time I spoke with you I have a sty in my eye and its becoming irritable," he says.

What the fuck was going through this guy's head is another issue but to reach out and touch someone only to risk complete revulsion on top of the fact that you look like the henchman from the Island of Dr. Moreau screams lack of tact and critical thinking. Needless to say, Female Boss is pretty disgusted and asks why the hell is he telling her this. He says that he may have to see a doctor over it. I think we all know his good friend, the Doctor, right? Parumph! If you don't get it look up a few sentences, retard.. and no, I am not that funny.

The conversation is furthered by Chakhtee asking her to come over and check out the sty within the comfort of his own home! Playa, playa! I mean what the hell? How come the crazy looking guys from the cream of gene's pool are the bold ones? We, normal folk that do not resemble fictional characters from novels know our limits, perhaps we are the dumb ones.. who knows. Obviously, Female Boss refuses. She hangs up the phone and says he can stop by the office the next day.

He does. Chakhtee shows up first thing in the morning and he does in fact have a nasty sty in his eye that is so swollen his eye is damn near shut. If this isn't enuff, he wants her to take a look at it under a light. When she does, he pretends to slip and fall into her arms, at this point in the re-telling of the story I am in tears. A hobbit of a man falling into the arms of Female Boss just sends me rolling. God he's truly disgusting.. if you could only see him.. poor man.

So if this isn't awkward enuff, after Female Boss relieves herself from being within kissing distance of Chakhtee, he looks in her eyes and tells her, "Your fiancee treated you bad, he did not know how to treat a woman. I on the other hand, would treat you like a queen."

Female Boss feels the bile creep up her esophagus and forces it back down to muster the strength to tell Chakhtee, "Thanks, but no thanks."

So ends the tale of love between the two. Chakhtee never left neither Male Boss nor Female Boss' lives and continues to be a spectacle whenever he comes around. So let's give a warm Angry Time welcome to our newest addition, Chakhtee.

California Propositions

Disclaimer: If you don't want to know Northe's California politics bcuz you're too big of a hippy that is offended easily and think Socialism is the end-all-be-all get the fuck off the site and check back for the next regular Angry Time update on Wednesday 11/9/05.

Primer: This is an unrelated post to the theme of the site. It may not be a work-related story, but if you think you've seen Northe really going off on Angry Time, you are dead wrong. Bottom line is this is going to be long and cumbersome especially if you aren't from California. If you are from California, you need to read this and you need to step up to the plate if you differ from my take on what the king of earth, The Governator, wants to do to get California away from the Socialist grasp that has been constricting us for far too long. You have two options on reading this, read everything I have written which will be extremely time consuming or scroll down to the Propositions reading only the Un-Angry Analyses and Zero Hour to save time. You can even read one Proposition a day to save yourself time, it will be up until this Wednesday. I ofcourse would press for the first option to recognize the method to my madness but its on you. This will take you a while to read, you have been fore-warned.

Angry Time and California: First off, I claim no party. I am an Independent. I don't give a fuck about party loyalty, I don't give a fuck about politicians and I give less of a fuck about their power. Their power is what they want. They don't want to work for the people, they work to achieve more power and, more importantly, maintain that power. When the shit storm clouds gather overhead, they don't want to be held accountable, they control the damage done to their power base. That's all they give a fuck about. Period. Got it? The only thing every politician agrees upon is once the finger pointing and blame gets shifted in their face, only then is it time to stop pointing fingers and attempt to solve the problem. Get off your my party is better than your party bullshit, cease sucking off the propaganda of your party and take off the nose plug that prevents you from realizing that your party's shit stinks just as bad, if not worse, than the other's. Your lack of critical thinking is what corodes this country's integrity. That whole mindset is worthless.

What your obligation, as a citizen of the United States, is to define your set of morals and stick to them, regardless of what any party thinks your morals should or should not be. You fight for what you believe in, regardless of what any party thinks you should be interested in or fighting for. You keep an open mind to every rational voice that comes forward, regardless of how close-minded any party wants you to be. Keyword being rational, you don't listen to a Nazi, you don't listen to a Black Panther and most of all you don't listen to a gaggle of hippies.. ever.

That being said, let's walk down the path of history here in California to the Recall Election. The election that all of a sudden this state has completely forgotten why it even happened. Let's get shit straight here.. ex-Governor Gray Davis, a Socialist among dozens and dozens of Socialists in the California legislature and government, wraps himself in the banner of the Democrat party, making a complete mockery of it, and you fuckin idiots vote for him cuz you can't possibly vote for an (R). Then, once the facts started coming out about the administration and how insanely corrupt and poorly managed it was, California said, "FUCK YOU."

What led California to saying, "fuck you?" Obviously, we can't remember something that happened so recently and that was so relevant to our lives in this state and this country. We especially can't remember this when we are just finding out that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston were seen kissing! That's how little I think of the likes of you until you prove otherwise. Californians said, "Fuck you" to the government of California bcuz over the course of the half eight years prior to the Recall Election California's Revenue was up, as in made more money, by some 20-25% or so. The problem is that spending, under Socialist Governor Gray Davis, increased by 36%. Then the reports come out that California is some $10 Ba-ba-ba-Billion in debt. How the fuck does this happen? You made MORE money but you spent astronomically MORE than what you took in!? What in the shit!?

Angry Timers, this is what happens when you have Socialists that only want to see more and more of the working man's dollars go into the coffers of the government. YOU don't know the best way to spend the money you earned, THEY know the best way to spend your money. Case in point, to remedy the excessive spending done by the socialist governor and legislature, these fucking idiots in the state legislature had the nerve to say, "You know what, we overspent. In order to fix our bloated debt, we're going to have to raise taxes."

Now hold the fuck up, when I feel like going out and buying a new Jaguar and a 50" LCD screen, I can just go up to my boss and say, "You know what, I overspent. In order to fix my bloated debt, we're going to have to give me a raise." Are you fucking kidding me? They threaten us, the one's that hold the key to their power, with fiscal ramifications!? They threatened us and then the Socialist Governor, with the blessing of the Socialist legislature of California, illegally tripled the motor vehicle tax on us to increase revenues. They treat us like their fuckin cash cow and I don't know about you, but no one squeezes my nipples looking for milk without getting their windpipe's physical integrity checked. This is why the Recall happened. This is why California was pissed. This is why, for once in my life, I saw a state come together, Democrats, Republicans and Independents, do exactly what we should always do: Look out for one another and chin check the shit out of corrupt, piece of shit politicians that don't give a crap about us. We held those worthless assholes accountable for the first time in their careers and feces leaked onto their fancy wingtips.

That doing anything for you? That jogging your memory? Cuz for fuck's sake I look at this state now and the propaganda machines are churning full force and like maggots to rotting flesh you guys can't get your fill of lies, bullshit and distortions. Arnold was elected bcuz he worked for a living and through that work earned his place in his careers. Arnold was elected bcuz he didn't float to the rim of the toilet bowl and become top terd for a political party and get shoved out to become a candidate for Governor. Arnold was elected bcuz he was the only rational voice in a sea of fucking bureaucrats that only wanted to practice the fine arts of cronyism, inventing new government positions to spend more money, overspending on pet projects and finding new ways to tax the public. You see it everywhere and you let it slide, day in and day out, you let it slide. You do. I fuckin don't. Someone is doing it and it sure ain't me. For one fucking day, Californians stood up to those that are OUR bitches. Our bitches, yes, regardless of their elitist attitude and seeming so fuckin brilliant, politicians are owned by us. California won that day and now we are back to business and politics as usual. Wake the fuck up and let's go over these Propositions introduced by the Governator one by one.

Proposition 74: Public School Teachers. Waiting Period for Permanent Status. Dismissal. Initiative Statute.

Increases length of time required before a teacher may become a permanent employee from two complete consecutive school years to five complete consecutive school years; measure applies to teachers whose probationary period commenced during or after the 2003-2004 fiscal year. Authorizes school boards to dismiss a permanent teaching employee who receives two consecutive unsatisfactory performance evaluations.

Un-Angry Analysis: The government sector of employment is necessary but to excessive levels deteriorates to irrelevance. The private sector, from the service industry of small business to the corporations of the state, fund the public employees of our state. In the real world, the private sector, there is no "permanent employee" status. There is no guaranteed job and there are tons of evaluations on job performance that someone in the private sector will undergo in the course of their life. No job, under any circumstance, should be so giving without being critical. Critical, not unfair, critical. This Proposition merely brings the untouchable jobs of the government that happen to be teachers, fulfilled by a small percentage of inept lemmings, closer to the reality of our lives where our job performance is held accountable day in and day out. Especially for the sake of our childrens' educations and futures we need the best, brightest and most hard-working fulfilling these teacher positions and I think this is a start on the right track to securing this expectation every American should have.

Angry Time Analysis: Twofold Proposition. I don't know about your experience with teachers or friends in life that have become teachers but let me tell you mine. I have 5 friends that are teachers now. Only one of them gives a fuck about teaching and he happens to be invested into the school bcuz he is also the defensive line football coach for my highschool. A hell of a football program and a hell of a guy.

That being said, I have heard these types of things come out of the mouths of the others. Regarding worthless, piece of shit students with no drive in life, "I can't fail all of them, I just end up giving most of them D's."

Now I don't know, maybe I am too entrenched in real life to see the sound judgement of this complete separation of reality, logic and consequences. Since when did we start practicing the art of pushing kids out the door marked "Qualified" when they aren't fucking qualified!? No wonder our society is becoming more and more dependent on the government. There is NOTHING gained from an action like this, nothing at all. We might as well be giving kids their high school degrees at age 7, cutting our overhead and calling it a day.

Regarding their job, "I have the whole thing planned out, tenure for this, move in to a house over here, retire in 20 years, 80% pension and I'm pretty much set."

Well holy shit, you sound like you have our children's success on that list of priorities! I don't think you guys get it, I have an 11 year old daughter, if I come across a teacher that even gives off the slightest scent of this type of attitude, I'm raising hell. Out of sheer principle I raise hell. You do remember what principles are don't you? Now I know there are a few dozen of you out there pulling up and biting on your skirt. Wanna know something, I don't give a FUCK how people view me. I fight for principle. I don't care if all of my daughter's friends' parents think I am a fucking lunatic. I fight for it bcuz I know am I right. I don't climb up a hill with a bayonet gutting people, getting their worthless entrails on my fancy new shirt unless there's a reason. I expect a certain amount of professionalism and interest from our teachers and if I don't see it, I am making sure I am heard. You can reap the benefits of my actions if you're too fuckin lazy yourself, that's what I would expect from 98% of the population. Fuck you if you're in that 98%. One more thing, if I can instill these principles into my daughter then I succeed as a parent. Just like a teacher, if they can instill algebra comprehension into my daughter then they succeeded as an algebra teacher.

Everything in life is performance based, not emotional based not feeling based, life is not a popularity contest. Its fucking performance based, if you don't give a shit enuff to perform or you simply don't perform, you don't deserve to be on the team and you sure don't deserve to become a permanent employee with tenured status after two fucking years with this mindset. Period. I can go on, but I think you might understand where I am coming from and will be going. If not, you must be a hippy.

Verdict on Prop 74:

YES!

Proposition 75: Public Employee Union Dues. Required Employee Consent for Political Contributions. Initiative Statute.

Prohibits public employee labor organizations from using dues or fees for political contributions unless the employee provides prior consent each year on a specified written form. Prohibition does not apply to dues or fees collected for charitable organizations, health care insurance, or other purposes directly benefiting the public employee. Requires labor organizations to maintain and submit to the Fair Political Practices Commission records concerning individual employees’ and organizations’ political contributions; those records are not subject to public disclosure.

Un-Angry Analysis: Members of unions should not be bound by the political mentality of the hierarchy. Think about this for a moment, would you agree that the bigwigs at companies such as IBM or Johnson & Johnson share the same values as you? Then think of this in terms of unions. Same deal, hierarchical entities have different political objectives than the folks that work for them. There should be freedom in thought and action while being able to abide by the rules and regulations provided by the well-intentioned bulwark of the union. This Proposition does exactly that, it exonerates any unfair fee extracted from a union employee's paycheck that is not authorized by the union employee. This is opposite to what is currently happening, as of now, until you decline this action you are having fees extracted from your paycheck and used for political purposes whether or not you are aware. This union practice is extremely unfair. The reason the unions are fighting this so hard, and have spent over $100,000,000,000 yes thats $100 million, is bcuz they would rather reap benefit from the apathy and busy lives of employees while their agenda and power is maintained and grown rather than depend on the gumption and assertiveness of their employees to maintain and grow their power.

Wrapping up, union employees are not losing political power from this Proposition. They can donate as much money as they want independently or through their union. Just like you or I. I am not a member of a union and I can donate to whomever, whatever amount I wish. The only reason a specific union would be weakened is if, in fact, a great percentage of employees don't agree with their political views. In such a case, the right thing has been the affect of a just cause and Proposition.

Angry Time Analysis: Ho ho ho, the unions. The latch on, leech and equal pay for everyone mindset that perversed a once noble cause. Yes, there was a time that I would have been a fan of unions. Unfortunately, that would have been decades ago. Now, unions have become kings of cronyism, servers of propoganda and proliferators of excuse-based labor. I mean let's put a union in perspective, people. Sure they do good things, but pay really close attention to what I am about to say in this sentence: Angry Time doesn't give a fuck about the good that is done, if good isn't expected from organizations then what is the point?

Fuckin tell me what the point is of organizations, companies and people in general if that's not the point! I give a fuck where they are doing a swell job, good for them, they are meeting expectations. I give a fuck when its time to kick people back into line when they do something wrong. So as I was saying, let's take a class of students, you have the A students and the flunkies.. why not give them all the same grade? That's what most unions do. They grant equal pay that is based on nothing more than the fact that you show up. Want me to keep going? Caltrans anyone? Should I continue? The 10 guys there, of only which two are actually working and the other 8 are staring, supervising, drinking, talking and staring at the people supervising, drinking and talking. Yet all these fuckers are being paid a healthy wage and performance, there's that pesky word again, has nothing to do with it. Everything is performance based, everything. No matter how many man-hours Caltrans logs, they suck, from top to bottom, fucking suck. For over a year I have had the same potholes on the same streets I travel. Fuck Caltrans. Oh and the best part about unions, its hard as hell to get fired even when you are the worst employee ever.

What does this type of hive mentality give birth to? It gives birth to corruption, laziness, a non-competitive work environment and worst of all pressure to assimilate. Assimilation in an already plagued environment is a bad, bad thing. This is the way I see political parties. Assimilation instead of challenging, competing and revolutionizing is the way to become stagnant as a body and as a person. Stagnant bodies make good chum in my opinion, for anything else they are worthless.

What does this have to do with Proposition 75? Because when there is a groupthink culture and when the money you dish into said group of people only serves the cause of what the hierarchy sees fit, power is taken from either a minority or a majority. This is the practice of the most disdainful people that both sides of the political spectrum gripe about. The unions will tell you that Prop 75 is useless, that people in unions can opt out of payment to political causes if they wish. Now if this were the case, then why would passing a Proposition that makes this more clear be a problem? Why would unions be spending $10s of millions on negative ads regarding this Proposition? The teacher's union raised millions and millions of dollars in extra "fees" from the paychecks of teachers to stop this Proposition from happening. Its not just that, its that they outright lie about the Governor and what the Proposition will do. They lie non-stop. The union heads are no friend to the union employees in my opinion and definitely not to me, someone that seeks the truth in issues. The union employees are merely a means by which they can raise the funds to give the union heads to maintain and/or gain more power. Taking more money from an already underpaid profession, such as teachers, to fight for their own political fight is disgusting. A fight that a fair percentage does not want to participate in. This is a completely unfair practice, I suppose why the Fair Political Practices Commission is going to have to be sifting thru the horseshit and making things right again.

From listening to a dozen debates regarding this Proposition I have heard anything from people being bullied into not opting out from political union dues to being physical threats made by union employees to those that speak out in favor of this Proposition. I mean are we serious here? Let's wander down that path for a second, would a teacher from the teachers' union teach students that when an opposition voice is heard you shout them down and make physical threats? You fuckin think about that one cuz you aren't gonna hear this kind of reality anywhere else. Is this the type of behavior you would want your child to partake in? Fuckin hypocrites, hang them upside down and flay em all.

This Proposition places every member of the unions into the "No" category for contributing their union dues to political causes. Those that care enuff to place their money in the hands of the unions for political causes need to fill out a form once a year. They have to show gumption, effort. There is no loss of power here for the union employees. The problem is that this is a terrible thing in the minds of the union powerplayers bcuz its no longer automatic and they are fighting tooth and frikkin nail to make sure this Proposition doesn't pass. Whenever any insane amount of money, topping over $100 million in this case, is dumped into fighting against a certain movement without actually taking the issue head on, be wary.

The very actions that unions fought for back when they were formed, protecting people from being bullied, pressured and abused, is exactly what is being conducted by the unions now. Only that now, the shoe is on the other foot and its okay bcuz they know what is best. Are we coming full circle yet? Do you guys see the dots being connected in my disjointed, bloviated rambling?

No person should have a monetary obligation to something they don't believe in. No person should have to feel social, political or employment ramifications based on this scenario. If this Proposition passes, if things are right with the world, alternate unions, that actually keep the interest of the people/workers in mind, will rise again and dissolve the corrupt unions of today.

Verdict on Prop 75:

YES!

Proposition 76: School Funding. State Spending. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.

Changes state minimum school funding requirements (Proposition 98), permitting suspension of minimum funding, but terminating repayment requirement, and eliminating authority to reduce funding when state revenues decrease. Excludes above-minimum appropriations from schools’ funding base. Limits state spending to prior year total plus revenue growth. Shifts excess revenues from schools/tax relief to budget reserve, specified construction, debt repayment. Requires Governor to reduce state appropriations, under specified circumstances, including employee compensation, state contracts. Continues prior year appropriations if new state budget delayed. Prohibits state special funds borrowing. Requires payment of local government mandates.

Un-Angry Analysis: The most important issue in this Proposition is that it "limits the state spending to prior year total plus revenue growth. Shifts excess revenues from schools/tax relief to budget reserve, specified construction, debt repayment." This is an extremely sound fiscal practice and is exactly how the state of California, hell every state, should be run. It eliminates spending excessive amounts of money based on last year's revenue and it also forms a state savings account if you will or a means to pay off debt during a year when money is left over. This Proposition ensures there is no stall during budget disagreements. This Proposition also takes away the state's oppportunity to overspend under the guise of borrowing money (read as: using a credit card to increase debt rather than conventional spending measures).

Regarding schools, do not believe the lies of the unions. The current lie being spread via propoganda is that Arnold has cut the education budget and will continue to do so. This does not cut school budgets. This slows the rate of increase during years of fiscal duress. Arnold has not cut school budgets, he decreased the rate of spending bcuz we don't have the money. Another reason that makes this sound fiscal practice and should be voted on to become part of the state constitution. If fiscal responsibility has to be written into law for it to actually become part of the status quo, then so be it. Either way, its a wise decision.

Angry Time Analysis: Two lines. Took two lines to come up with my opinion on this one. "Limits state spending to prior year total plus revenue growth. Shifts excess revenues from schools/tax relief to budget reserve, specified construction, debt repayment." So basically, until now, as demonstrated by Socialist Governor Gray Davis and his underlings in the Socialist Legislature, state spending would never be found anywhere near the word "limit" and state revenue would never go anywhere near the word "reserve." Fiscal responsibility and limits matched with a state savings account is a good thing. Making it in writing to where a Socialist governor, when elected again bcuz of you fucking idiots, cannot deviate from the Constitution of California is an even better thing.

I mean can you imagine? Having to come up with a Proposition to impose on politicians that my daughter learned in kindergarten mathematics! You cannot spend more than what you have. Since our state lacks honest and responsible politicians, Arnold is ensuring that they can no longer abuse the system which leads to them wanting to tax successful people more to make up for their wrong doing. Two years ago the world's, yes world's, 5th largest economy was on the brink of bankruptcy due to fiscal mismanagement! Not revenue problems, it was mismanagement! Its absolutely pathetic that something like this has to even be introduced to our Socialist Legislature but you know what, its the only way its gonna stop. Its the only way that our state can reign in the debt. If this doesn't pass, you will see the same shit and mark my words, you will see tax increases on the state tax and income tax levels. And you know what, if that goes over with no problem, they'll just spend more cuz you fucking idiots are the ones making it possible with your hard earned money and it will embolden them by seeing this Proposition fail to do it again and again.

The Governator threw in a few more daisies as well. Such as continuing the prior year's budget during delays rather than bottlenecking. If there is anything a politician is good at, its delaying, filibustering and waffling. This lets them do it all day without effecting we the people. Another is prohibiting special funds borrowing, read as: interest accumulated debt. You cannot only not overspend but you cannot over-borrow either! Genius! Why the fuck this is some revelation in the year 2005 is beyond me. I guess it just goes to show you and support what I have been saying all along, they don't give a fuck about you. They want power and most of the time power comes in money form.

Do you seriously not get this!? We all have to deal with this reality, every company on the face of the earth has to deal with this reality. Period. This is not armageddon, this is sound fiscal practice. Fuck, its so frustrating to see stupid fucking lemmings follow the lead of these complete asshat liars. Fucking liars the lot of them! They are getting away with murder here and making the population shift in its judgement for this Proposition cuz they have the money to afford thousands of propaganda ads. All the shit I heard you Democrats complaining about how Bush had money during '04 and thats the only reason he is winning the election. Well guess the fuck what, now its being done by your side of the political spectrum. You gonna sit there and point at bad behavior to justify your side's bad behavior or are you going to stand up for what is right!?

And lets get shit real fuckin straight here while I'm about the right mode of pissed off to do it. California spends $50 Billion on education. Education accounts for more than half of our state's budget. HALF! You know what we have to show for it? Fucked up grades and under achieving kids. Seriously, we have been absolutely terrible in grades nationwide. With that kind of money being spent our kids should be coming out of there smarter than us! But these fucking union bureaucrats just spend it on administrative costs, not the kids! Think I'm talking out of my ass, you fuck? Then why, for the past 3 years my daughter has been in Public Schools do I have to buy paper, crayons, pencils, paper towels, staples, paper clips, markers and plastic utensils along with other parents to make up for the short comings of our schools!? Why!? The government of California is wasting this money. We have upped spending on schools every fucking year, this year being another record high spending year on education and we are getting negative results. Reign it in fuckers, reign it in! Bottom line is this is all no brainer stuff. This is not revolutionary, this is common sense. Something that is rarely seen in politics nowadays bcuz people like yourselves just let it happen and watch. You still gonna watch?

Verdict on Prop 76:

YES!

Proposition 77: Reapportionment. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.

Amends state Constitution’s process for redistricting California’s Senate, Assembly, Congressional and Board of Equalization districts. Requires three-member panel of retired judges, selected by legislative leaders, to adopt new redistricting plan if measure passes and again after each national census. Panel must consider legislative, public proposals/comments and hold public hearings. Redistricting plan becomes effective immediately when adopted by judges’ panel and filed with Secretary of State. If voters subsequently reject redistricting plan, process repeats. Specifies time for judicial review of adopted redistricting plan; if plan fails to conform to requirements, court may order new plan.

Un-Angry Analysis: This Proposition makes life harder for entrenched politicians. Essentially districts in California, 153 districts, where not a single encumbant political party lost power in the last election, will once again be up for grabs and the politicians will have to run on issues rather than a letter by their name. This has the potential to be huge for those of us who actually care about California and want to see politicians held to the fire and held accountable for what they say versus what they do. If you subscribe to the belief that any political party held completely uncontested and unaccountable for their job performance solely bcuz of the (R) or (D) in front of their name for years and years is not a good thing, then you want to vote in favor of this Proposition.

Angry Time Analysis: I saw a very entertaining ad on television the other day on this Proposition. It shows three bumbling, white, old judges cutting apart a map of California while some idiot spoke nonsense. Bumbling bcuz apparently now judges are old codgers but when they are fighting for ultra-liberal principles their shit doesn't stink. White bcuz in '04 after Bush won again, the white man became the new leper of American society. I should really get around to informing my Nicaraguan mom about my dad of Scottish decent lacking credibility since he's white. Old bcuz there is nothing more enfuriating than watching an elderly person do something you can do much quicker. Oh and hey, you fuckin wise-ass that's thinking in the back of your head, "Derrr, Northe, ummm, derrr how do three white men represent the diversity that errr, umm California has nowadays?" Hey idiot savant, they did redistricting in the early 90s using the same concept, three retired judges that happened to be white, back then and it went over with flying fucking colors. Oh wait, no you're right that was when "your guys" were in power, so therefore it was okay. Since Arnold is in power, its not okay. I get it. Way to block that punch with your face.

Sorry, I enjoy digressing, the end result of the commercial is the judges redistricted California to match the map of Texas. Hahahah, holy shit! Basically, if California does this we'll become Texas, a Red state. An over the top Blue state will become Texas. Fuck I hate everyone. I guess they wouldn't do it unless idiots like yourselves wouldn't be such suckers for it. Oh and the funder for this commercial, Fabian Nunez. If you don't know him let me explain to you what I hate more than a Socialist, its a Socialist that thinks that his job is to represent people from another country, his being Mexico, rather than look out for those that elected him into power, legal citizens from the state of California. Eat a deep-fried dick covered in cinammon sugar, Fabian.

The best part is that the voice in the commercial sits there and says things like, "retired appointed judges that are unable to be held accountable for their decisions," and "districts will be formed to create new powerful districts for a single political party." I don't even know where to start. "Judges not being held accountable," lets start there. Judges are never held accountable, judges are appointed and not elected so that they cannot be punished for upholding the law. They cannot be voted out, they cannot be fired. This is both good and bad but thats not important, what is important is that the commercial is fulla shit and should be turned on its ear which I love to point out and do.

Next statement about "creating new powerful districts for a single political party." Holy fuckin shit! This is the saddest shit ever. You have to understand, special interest propogandists depend on the public not knowing shit. You guys are too busy to know that not one district in California switched power in the last election. Not one single district went from (D) to (R) or vice versa. I mean who are we kidding here, this is a political system that Saddam Hussein woulda been proud of: No competition and power is maintained. Absolutely fucking crazy that this happens in the United States. Can you comprehend being absolutely untouchable as a politician? Do you understand the fiscal damage they can do bcuz people are so fucking dumb they vote based on an (R) or a (D)? Gray Davis thought he knew, he did what he thought he could get away with and he got crane beaked in his pasty white titty for it thanks to those in this state that stood up for what's right.

What this Proposition could possibly do is throw a curve ball to these fuckin politicians that are so extremely comfortable in the positions they have. Their power cannot be fucked with; therefore, they hate the idea of losing that foundation of power. Now, honestly, this may not help for anything but you know what, if it makes politicians sweat and have to actually earn their keep in this world Angry Time says fuckin do it. For mere symbolism, which is probably at best what this Proposition stands for, do it.

Verdict on Prop 77:

Yes, for symbolic purposes.

Zero Hour: One thing that I realize that I, nor the power of Angry Time, can instill in people is the passion, anger and desire to want to change something for the better. So many factors etched into our brains create fervent support or adamant hatred for revolution, or on a more literal level hatred for "the other" political party. I can only hope that you can see through the eyes of what the Governator is trying to do here. There is no sinister power grab here, it is a series of commom sense initiatives to prevent the mistakes of the past from recurring. Mistakes that have been visited and revisited and, if California was personified, probably has reservations to go back for yearly vacations to come. Something must be done to stop the cycle of idiocy.

Don't fall prey to the emotional tactics the lying propagandists use to persuade you to feel that this election is a waste of time. That spending some $50 million on a special election is a display of vulgar power by Arnold. We drop $50 million in California at the drop of a hat, people. They tried that during the Recall Election and spending that $50 million on the election saved taxpayers billions of dollars in tax hikes. Use logic, use common sense, listen with apprehension.

Understand that the opponents to these measures are the same people that have been running things and running this state into the ground. Understand that with a healthy California economy there are no steps taken to secure fiscal stability by our state government, instead our state was plunged into a heap of debt. Understand that the California Legislature has failed us time and time again over the years and the last Socialist Governor kept on signing the budgets with no problem. Understand that making the Governator out to be some dumb twit, they are exercising damage control and ignoring the issues at hand. They are spending hard earned money to lie and manipulate and don't think twice about it bcuz if they can spend $10s of millions of dollars to secure their power it is worth it.

The problem is that I write this on the news that the Governator's support on his Propositions is waning. I write this knowing that you impressionable, lazy, unknowing individuals are being seduced by the lies that the entrenched politicians, unions and Socialists are winning the propoganda war, the folks are losing. I write this knowing that if it happens to change one vote to a "yes" on any of these Propositions then it was worth spending my time writing this hate-filled speech.

One thing that I have learned in my short life is that you stand and fight for what you believe in. No matter what the odds, no matter what the risk, no matter what the potential outcome, you die for what you know is right. You do everything that you can, you pull no punches and you win or fail knowing that one truth... that in the end of the day, you stood for something just. If the sane, hard-working, honest people of California do not wage war in the name of bettering the state, then I ask you: What hope does California have for its future?

Dojo Poker Nights

You gotta read the last handful of Friday posts to be up to speed on this series of tales on fisticuffs if you haven't yet. Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5 and Week 6.

Sidebar: This is typically a Friday post but it is being swapped out for a more important, less hilarious but equally enraging issue. Tune in tomorrow. For now, enjoy.

Back before the World Series of Poker was a TV sensation, HMT and I used to hit a local apartment with Sensei Clause and other members of our dojo for a little poker. The games were tense: Texas Hold 'Em, 5 Card Draw and Guts to name a few. The stakes were high: Minimum $10 Buy-in with a certain exception and $.25 bets. Make no mistake, even with a friendly game of poker among fellow students and random friends, Sensei Clause's integrity still bursts forth like the bosom of The Kissing Bandit.

As you recall from last week, the man we come to know as Sweet Petersen would come along to the games as well. However, this particular Poker Night was to be graced with a special treat. If anyone was to let me in on this wonder of the world I would have never been able to concoct a more brilliant role for this individual. Friends, Sweet Petersen has a brother that was not only coming to Poker Night, but Sweet Petersen happened to be the more suave and debonair of the two.

From here on out Sweet Petersen's brother will be known as Stoic Resolve, you'll find out why later. For starters, to tickle the palate, Stoic Resolve one-upped Sweet Petersen in the category of fashion sense. Sweet Petersen thought he was king shit with his bomber jacket until Stoic Resolve showed up with brown pants and a forest green shirt and his forest green faced watch to match. Holy fuckin shit, HMT and I about fell out. This wasn't some subtle green tinge around the rim of the watch, it was as bold as the shirt itself. A true ladies' man. Stoic Resolve also wore a pair of glasses that might even give the gift of sight to Mr. Magoo were he to put 'em on. His physical shape could only be considered one if he were placed into a gelatin mold and to top things off he was about as outspoken as Chris Tucker minus the wittiness and any shred of evidence that he had a personality. The guy said what he meant and meant what he said.. there's your 30 second brief on Stoic Resolve.

Now, Dojo Poker Nights was the one night every week or every other week that the older gents from the dojo could get together, have a good time and relax. We played for peanuts bcuz it wasn't about making money, it was about camaraderie and building up morale within the "higher" ranks in the dojo. As Dojo Poker Nights became more of a buzz, this code was broken and the riff-raff of the dojo was allowed to come partake in the festivities. I took an opportunity to bring in this guy named, Juan. Juan was a kid from the wrong side of the tracks, I met him at college and he didn't have much money. He was extremely interested in martial arts and I hooked him up, with Sensei Clause's blessing of course, to be on a payment plan that would allow him to come practice a couple nights a week for a discounted fee. He was dedicated, smart and loved the art. He was one of my favorite students and one of the first guys I signed up for classes once I became an assistant instructor. When I would invite him to play poker he would opt out of most but was able to scrounge up a good $5 from time to time.

On with it! We are at the apartment champing it up. Tonight is no different than any night, the deck goes clockwise and whoever's "turn" it is, they pick the game we play. In the meantime, Sensei Clause shuffles the other deck in between plays. This has been the way for about 2 months now I would say. We pretty much have our normal repertoire of what games we all like to deal out, rarely do we deviate from the games we pick. All of a sudden I get a nudge under the table by HMT. I give him a nod and he points, I see Sensei Clause shuffling the cards on his lap, per the norm, but glancing down at his lap very sinister-like every now and then. My stomach turns, the hand is done and I get up to take a break.

HMT follows me out to the balcony. I am furious, all medical knowledge would have jets of steam coming out of my ears, but for some reason this wasn't happening. With a clenched fist ready to be shook, I expressed my disgust for Sensei Clause but we also weren't absolutely sure yet. HMT and I both wanted to believe otherwise.. nothing bad was happening, not till we had more proof.

HMT and I return to the table and we keep our eyes locked on Sensei Clause as inconspicuously as possible. Before we know it, three games shuffled and three games typical to what we usually pick when it comes our turn, Sensei Clause has pulled out three amazing hands. I'm talkin either one or two royal flushes and probably a four of a kind or some such. Either way, there was some lucky shit going on. Enter the horse whisperer.. Stoic Resolve.

Up to this point in the night, I haven't paid too much attention to Stoic Resolve. Between his nervous fidgeting and those dabs of saliva on the sides of his mouth that have morphed into a white paste and are slowly crusting over, I can't seem to look him in the eyes past his glasses that could very well be a meter thick. One thing that's for sure about Stoic Resolve is that he knows no fear and knows less finesse. Poise and subtlety are mere words without meaning to this man, for after such insane hands won by Sensei Clause the gears in his head have turned toward conspiracy.

Stoic Resolve eases into Sweet Petersen like Tiger Woods into a birdie putt. With the keen eyes of a cat burglar, Stoic Resolve glances from side to side all along the table to ensure secrecy. He licks his lips like a gunslinger ready to draw his pistol for the duel of his life and whispers as silent as a marshmallow hitting a pile of feathers, "I think your Sensei is cheating."

Only, he didn't whisper. Not only did he not whisper, he forgot to use his indoor voice. From across the table HMT and I hear him as if he was addressing us! Every time I picture this in my head I cannot help but think of the time Homer Simpson was going under the Witness Protection Program. The cops are conditioning him to begin responding to his new alias, "Mr. Thompson." Hours and hours pass as they keep telling him, "Hello Mr. Thompson." Homer never responds to them as they surely aren't speaking to him. With pit stains on their starched button up dress shirts, sleeves rolled up and cigarette butts piled in the ash tray one of the cops tells him, "Listen, Homer, when I stomp on your foot and say 'Hello Mr. Thompson' you respond!" Homer nods in compliance and when this is done, Homer leans in to the cop next to him, much like Stoic Resolve into Sweet Petersen and says, "I think he's talking to you." Bottom line, Stoic Resolve's delivery of this secretive comment was so undisguised but he thought his delivery, had he been in McCarthy's shoes, would have made his stand on Communism look duplicitous.

At this point, Stoic Resolve's cover is blown but he doesn't know it. There is an awkward pause at the table, Sweet Petersen's forehead beads up with sweat and turns red but Stoic Resolve adjusts himself in his seat like Al Bundy and holds his ground as if nothing happened.. much like an assassin that has blocked his adrenaline flow after
a fresh kill. Staring death in the eyes and too slow to realize it, Stoic Resolve has confirmed HMT's and my worst fear.. that Sensei Clause is a complete and utter piece of shit.

Yup. Our frikkin Sensei Clause, cheating. Cheating all of us out of our lousy $10-20 week in and week out. Sure we won some weeks and lost others, the bottom line is the games were manipulated. Clause would predict hands every now and again and whenever he did he would always get them right. When he wanted you in the game he would deal you the winning hand or a strong hand that would bait you into betting more. It was just all too revolting.. repugnant, if I may be so bold. Needless to say, that was the last night I went to Dojo Poker Nights and one of the last times I saw Juan. To know that the poor guy would come out with literally $5 and get cheated out of it more often than not, absolutely crushed him and me.

HMT kept it under our belts and away from his doting followers. The games eventually dissolved but fuck were we pissed. This was the beginning of the end. That fuckin' punk ass Sensei Clause. As the stories of the dojo wind down to the last few and final what will happen to Sensei Clause? What will happen to HMT and Northe? Next week's episode is finally Sensei Clause's comeuppence.. or is it?

"Seems like you need two gardeners."

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Its one of those days where I am just looking at Female Boss and my mind races about how she's survived, I guess on some level some might say successfully, for this long. I haven't figured out if its the fact that her brain is part tapioca pudding and part slug mucus or if she's just one of those women that are so utterly insane only punches to the face can get the sense in. I don't try to dwell on this for too long, madness would indeed consume me and Angry Time would end. We can't have that.. well I can't.. I give a shit what you think. Not really, I think my e-peen has grown a few inches since starting this blog. Thanks everyone!

So here's the latest. The investment property is not rinky-dink but nothing that would be considered large. Female Boss hires a gardener to come once a week to do some basic bullshit around the garden, the lawn and the pathetic flower bed in the front that looks like shit. The tasks given to Gardener and his crew take less than an hour.. there's literally nothing to do.

The best part is, like most gardeners, no matter the size of the job the leaf blower gets thrown over the shoulder for some good ol' Mexican Style gardening. I for one am a leaf blower advocate but on a property this size its really, really stupid. A rake would be handier but hey, its Angry Time and my buddy Mr. Logic quit coming to work years ago.

Every single frikkin time the leaf blower strikes up we get the same response from Female Boss: "I can't believe they are using the leaf blower again! Its just lazy!"

Every time I get to hear it, without fail.. same thing.. every fuckin time. Female Boss' opinion of Gardener has been complete shit, at best, for the entire time I have been working here.

Question of the day: Does Female Boss do anything about it?

That's right Angry Timers, just like the dogs, Female Boss has no need for discipline, confrontation or even some helpful criticism. But hey, you knew this and I am wasting my time explaining the details of that train wreck time and time again.. in this post anyway.

Yet today, something in the air was different. The trusty leaf blower did not spark up. Something was amiss. The dogs were barking like mad at the gardeners and I hear a rake being used along the front lawn. The job is done and Gardener leaves. Holy crap, I don't get to hear bullshit come out of Female Boss' mouth today!

To quote Charlie Murphy, "Wrong! Wrong!"

First fuckin thing outta her mouth as soon as they back out the driveway, "What the hell, that stupid gardener didn't use the leaf blower!?"

Then peering through the living room window, "Its a fucking mess out there."

Now I am pretty sure if a slab of pure steel was in front of me I could have pinched it with my thumb and index finger by unleashing the pent up rage wrenching through my body after hearing these idiotic, blatantly hypocritical words. Yes, fucking steel.. pinched. As in a rippled seam in the slab. Murderous. Hate.

As I walk over to strangle Female Boss thinking the deed could be no sweeter than if I was performing a shoddy impersonation of Kermit the Frog's "Rainbow Connection" while watching her life force drain into my very hands, I glance out the front window. Hmm, seems to me that there is nothing wrong with the looks of the front yard. In fact, I don't think I saw one leaf on the ground.

Female Boss, sucking her teeth and shaking her head says to me, "Can you believe it? Seems like you need two gardeners. Well, I guess I am going to head outside and do the job they were supposed to do."

I reached for her throat at that point but she had already moved toward the front door. Gumption, opportunity and blood lust left my limbs as her being out of the office will suffice for now. I just can't get a handle on how big of a headcase Female Boss is. I mean, I can no longer come up with the words to describe how baffled I am, multiple times a day. My only solace is that I can still sing softly and imagine..... "Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection.. the lovers, the dreamers and me."