Dog Shorts

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Eh, why not start up another series. All these short stories make for having to expound and expound with filler to make it worthy of a single post, so I have decided to just bunch a couple together every now and again to get em on Angry Time. Quality over quantity.. a direct example that shows that I care about the reader! We'll start off with a healthy subject: dog shit. The first two scenarios will answer any questions regarding Pigfoot's and Puppy's bowel movement tendencies.. by popular demand of course. Hey, I'm just lookin' out for you guys.. its been a good month.

Scenario #1: One thing about Pigfoot, aside from being an unstoppable force in the canine world, is that he knows how to get under people's skin. Female Boss rarely lets him out into the house. Reason being is that he is destructive. However, this doesn't deter Female Boss from testing the ever-boiling waters, that is Pigfoot, to be scalded. This happens at least 84.6% of the time:

Pigfoot starts getting grumpy and starts barking to get into the house. Female Boss can't take it and eventually lets Pigfoot in. Anywhere within the first 30-60 secs of not being watched, Pigfoot takes a giant shit in the middle of the dining room. Sweet, sweet Pigfoot.. he must like taking shit on the cold tile.

Scenario #2: Puppy has been the favored pet of the trio lately. Female Boss caters to her every whim and lets Puppy stroll around the house almost the entire day now. I don't mind it cuz even with how brain dead Puppy can be, she still provides some good company during downtime. Such as, calling her over to then ignore her and watching Female Boss trying to train her with different commands everyday. Inconsistency doesn't work well apparently, just so you know. Who'da thunk it?

So the other day, Puppy is out and wandering around. Female Boss gets up to head out for lunch. Turns out Puppy took a shit by the front door. My best guess would be that Puppy was trying to get out, couldn't hold it any longer and dumped closest to where she was supposed to.

Then came the question for the ages by Female Boss, "God damn it, Puppy. Can't you do that outside?"

/sigh

Scenario #3: I am pretty sure that I have mentioned in passing that The One and Pigfoot hate Puppy. They literally, in my professional pet behavioral analysis, want to kill Puppy multiple times a day. In fact, here's a bit of Angry Time trivia for when Angry Time: The Board Game hits the shelves --> Female Boss generally leaves one or two dogs at the investment property every night bcuz when she takes them home with her they, in her words, "Fight all night."

So, whenever the aggression sparks up you hear the low growls and then as their fill of Puppy starts to steep they do a combination of barks and growls. This type of behavior is not good in the animal kingdom, folks. I think Commissioner Phelps would concur on this, since he has shared his expertise on the subject in the past, as well.

In a desperate plunge to become a more responsible pet owner, Female Boss believes that intervening during this type of behavior is the best thing to do. Hey give the woman credit, only took about 10 months to unearth this solution. The way she attempts to stop Pigfoot and The One from tearing the soft flesh from Puppy's skeletal frame by shouting, "Hey!"

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but its the justification for her screaming that makes this noteworthy. Typical scenario, dogs getting ready to attack and Female Boss screaming, "Hey!" After excessive ignoring of her cries Female Boss switches it up with a loud clap and a, "Hey!" shout. It works, they stop.

Female Boss, drunk on her own pride comments, "Sorry for shouting, I just have to stop their brain thing."

Uhh yeah, if only someone would come over and start your "brain thing."