Un-Professional

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I'm getting ready to go home, 20 minutes left in the work day and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. All of a sudden, The Professional storms into the office hopping mad. His bow tie is undone on his tux and his top two buttons are undone on his shirt. His coat is disheveled and the look on his face is of fury incarnate.

"This stupid mother fucker!" he says slamming some files down on the desk.

Rewind, let's start at the beginning of the day. The Professional comes in looking sharp, as usual. He's supposedly got some super hot client meet today.

"Let me explain to you, Northe. Today is going to be a great day. Let me tell you, this lady is one piece of ass. Nice, round ass, tan skin, healthy, big tits," The Professional stops short to make a kissie face while thinking of this woman.

"I can't wait to hear the end result," I say to him.

"You know how it will end," he makes a fist by his mouth and moves it back and forth pressing his tongue against his cheek in rhythm.

So now imagine my dismay when The Professional comes back to the office with the type of reaction above. I'm wondering what the hell could have happened. Hopefully he didn't get rejected by her or worse yet get into a very bad situation. My mind races.

"What the hell?" I blurt out.

"This fucking asshole. You know what, I need more business cards because I cannot deal with these mother fuckers anymore."

"What happened?"

"You know, I am taking the lady back to her beautiful house. She is very attractive and nice all afternoon. Everything is great, I look sharp and clean. Very neat. We get to the house, I have a glass of wine. Time passes, we talk, nothing big.

The lady wants to show me her garden. So I follow her out to the garden, finding the flowers and everything very relaxing. I still have my glass of wine. She goes into the house to refresh her glass. I am out in front. Some mother fucker pulls up to the house asking me what the fuck am I doing here.

'Excuse me?' I tell him. I mean what the fuck, who is this guy?

'Who the fuck are you, you are fucking my wife?'

'With respect my friend, I am not here for..'

'I am not your friend, who the fuck are you!?' he says to me.

'Listen, I am here on business, I don't know who you are, please leave me alone.'

And this guy is screaming and yelling and cussing. The lady comes out and tells me to get the fuck out of there. I can't believe it, I look at her not knowing what the hell is happened. She tells me again, 'get the fuck out.'

So I left.

Stupid pussy-whore. Unbelievable. I don't understand what the hell is going on, I can't get in touch with our business contact for this woman and I could be fucked."

I can't stop laughing, The Professional is pretty pissed off. I tell him to relax and make a few phone calls trying to get the Contact on the phone. Turns out this lady and her husband have one of the most screwed up relationships on the planet. Everything is fine, its typical for these people to make crazy scenes and speak down to liaisons. We happen to be this couple's third company and obviously not the last.

"You need to tell Male Boss about this crap, I will not deal with these type of people again. He is lucky I did not strangle him to the ground."

I say he shoulda.