I'm a Helper

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

If or when you have kids you'll better understand this. I guess you don't even need kids to relate. You just need to be that fed up with spoon feeding your brainless peers, inferiors or even superiors to get the gist of this. However, the way I look at it is trying to get a young person to figure out the answer by themselves. All that is required is a gentle nudging in the right direction and their little eyes light up as the solution or whatever it is pops in their head. Its a win win cuz they learn and you don't have to go about wasting much time trying to explain something that you already find pretty simple to begin with.

I have taken this approach with Female Boss a couple times with disastrous result. There is nothing in her poor brain that can click. Nothing that can muster the power of logic and make her feel good about herself, on her own.. with or without help from outsiders. Well, enough about that, gather around and I'll tell you a tale.

I had a great opportunity not too long ago to assist Female Boss in a little brain work. I was in the kitchen grabbing a drink and the phone began to ring. I have no phone in there with me so Female Boss is gonna have to answer it. Clearly, life couldn't be that easy.

Instead its, "XXX-XXX-XXXX... Who the hell is that?"

The phone is on its 4th ring and getting ready to be rocketed to voicemail if she doesn't grab it. Still ringing. Is she gonna answer that shit or is she awaiting a response from me?

The phone stops ringing. Female Boss never picked it up. Jeezus, what a reject. I decide that I am going to extend my break and have a snack. I stay in the kitchen. A few moments later the phone rings again.

"Same number. Who the fuck is calling?"

I decide to give Female Boss an answer, "No clue."

"Well, I'm not getting it."

"Heh, you're not gonna answer?"

"Nope."

Great. Why answer your own question by figuring it out yourself? Why would you do that? That would make sense and that has no place within these walls. My threshold for such stupidity is non-existent yet somehow while I am at work I can grin and bear it, I guess its bcuz I know the situation will continue to revisit and revisit and revisit until there is some sort of satisfaction. The gods deliver no longer than a minute later. Ringy ding ding, grab the fuckin phone you idiot.

"Its them again. Do you know who it is?"

Hmm, in the last 60 seconds I gave a fuck enuff to browse my memory to set your fuckin nerves free from being hassled. I don't think so. Try answering the phone your damn self. The phone call again goes to voicemail. So dumb.

Less then 10 seconds go by this time. *Ring*

"They're calling again!"

"You gonna grab it?" I ask.

"No, I'm not answering it!" she says with her arms crossed and staring at the phone.

You have to understand when the dumb don't understand something they lash out against it in one form or another, be it thru fear or anger. Female Boss has taken the anger route. This phone caller is becoming a threat and she is taking it personal now.

I have finished what I was doing in the kitchen and I head back to my seat. Amazing, the phone is ringing again. Oh, and looky here, same number! Couldn't have guessed that was coming.

"Do you want to answer it to solve the mystery or is the pleasure all mine?" I ask.

"I'm not picking it up," answers Female Boss with a salty look on her face.

I grab the phone. Mystery solved, "Female Boss, your best friend is on the line."

"Oh yeah!!! I thought I knew that number!"

Hey I tried to help the clown. I tried to coax her into falling into the tiger trap of answering the phone but the conversation blasts off into the ether and nothing that would transpire between normal humans takes place. When Female Boss got on the line with her best friend, it was as if her brain was properly supplied with oxygen the entire time.. likely priming the gears for a good talk about keeping eggs warm.. totally amazing to me. This woman calls about 10 times a week and she doesn't recognize the phone number instantly? Who's up for a neck stabbing?