I'll Shut Up Now

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

As you can probably tell my sense of humor isn't for everyone. I come off as quite the asshole most of the time and the rest of the time I come off as sarcastic or arrogant. Winning combinations, as they may be, they have invited their fair share of trouble throughout the course of my life. I usually counter these scenarios with increased sarcasm but every now and then I do know when to keep my mouth shut.

A good example of this was the other day when Female Boss was on the phone with one of The Plastics. Female Boss was doing her usual Rolodex tour of all her friends repeating the same story over and over again and never finding it dull. Female Boss usually spends her time on the phone to share gossip. Any details she gets on other Plastics, Romans or friends and family, in general, Female Boss feels that the information should be spread as quickly as possible.

Today's topic was not so much the reason of the call but likely the fact that The Plastic she was on the line with decided to flip the script on the conversation. I like to think that anyway. Just maybe one of these deranged clowns can have a normal streak and not want any more mind numbing information. The subject gets swapped for a little Pigfoot rundown. My attention is officially grabbed with the mention of his name.

Female Boss then says, "Well I am not sure what it is but Pigfoot has a weight problem."

Being the idiot that I am I say nice and audibly, "Yeah, the problem is he can't wait (weight) to eat." Pa-rumph! Oh, the wit..

I don't think I have ever received a dirty look from Female Boss before. She was definitely pissed tho and the best part was as soon as I said it the room had that eerie silence and I could hear her friend laughing through the speaker end of the phone. Female Boss actually gave me attitude for the next couple days after that if you can believe it. At least The Plastic found it funny. Oh well, fuck it.