Life Lessons

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I know I come off as an asshole here. Like my shit doesn't stink. Like I am some braniac guru on life. Like I make no mistakes and can very well be perfect. Now this may not necessarily be true, you have to understand that on a daily basis I compare myself to those that surround me. More often than not, the comparison is myself vs. Male Boss or Female Boss. So you can at least appreciate my arrogance.

Seriously tho, I have made a lot of mistakes in life. Some that some know, some that most don't know and none that I will be sharing with the likes of strangers. Eat it. However, this doesn't stop me from observing and criticizing for the sake of you, my beloved Angry Timers. One thing that I will say about the mistakes I have made in my life, is that I have learned from them. Meaning, I will next to never make the same mistake twice. I make it a point to learn, correct and adapt.

This is not the way of Female Boss. The As Seen On TV post is one in a long line of purchases Female Boss has made over the television. That particular story just happened to rise above the fray and hit the bigtime. As you can imagine, there are a dozen or so items purchased that were opened, used once and never used again. Some even Female Boss attempted to pawn off on to me. There is nothing learned in these purchases, impulse buying happens to be a trait of Female Boss and that only adds to blog content.

The last purchase she made was a $20, 28 in. diameter, "professional grade" wok. Now if you know anything about woks, you know that a professional grade wok is no where near the realm of costing two-digits of American Dolla. Especially one of this size. Hell, I'm sure with a bit of investigation you can probably find 12 in. woks costing over $100.

Its not the action but the justification that I always find amusing. One can justify any course of action if you're willing to do it. Hers went something like this:

"Hey, Northe?"

"Yo."

"I like non-stick cooking ware, do you?"

"Uhh, sure. As opposed to the kind you have to use a lot of fat to make sure things don't stick when you cook?"

"Yeah. I mean, its just practical."

"Uh huh."

"I mean, I saw this great buy over the weekend on TV."

"What'd you get?"

"A professional wok. I think I want to start cooking more Chinese food."

More Chinese food? How about any Chinese food? Better yet, how about cooking. Better yet even still, how about grocery shopping? Male Boss and Female Boss are the take out kings and queens of the country, hands down. However, she wants to start doing more Chinese cooking.

"That sounds good," I tell her.

"Yeah. I mean the value on this thing has to be incredible, 20 bucks!"

"For a wok?"

"I know what you're thinking but its top notch, the best quality out there is what the guy was saying."

What "the guy" was saying? Yeah, I know some guys that would convince you that "A History of Violence" is a good movie too.. even tho they were too weak to challenge me on it. Who listens to the infomercial jackasses anyway? They have the energy of hobos on PCP with grins plastered on their faces like fat kids eyeing a three-tiered cake and deliver their lines worse than Steven Segal. You have to be drunk, bored or having thoughts of suicide to give these things the time of day. Or maybe you have too much money, I dunno.

"They were selling dozens by the second! The counter just kept going down and down and down on the number they had left."

For all we know, these could be fancy tricks of the silver screen. Like I said, you trust these fuckin people you got problems. Justification tho, quite possibly the most powerful tool created by man.

"Sometimes you have to bite the bullet ya know?"

Biting the bullet? Doesn't the damn thing cost only $20? Isn't that why its such a great value? Actually hold up, if she's including shipping then she might have a point, cuz that usually costs three times what the item you're purchasing does. The thing I find funny is that she shares information to me that she very well doesn't have to, then does her best to dance around her obvious regret about the purchase and make her case to me that it was in sound judgment. Like I give a shit. Learn from your past mistakes and you won't ever have to crawl out of a hole that no one cares you are in to begin with.

Happy fuckin Friday!