Pigfoot's Not That Bright

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I think this has to be one of the grandest displays of stupidity I have seen in years. The sad fact is that it involves Lord Pigfoot. Definitely not one to to be underestimated; however, with great regret I must say my standing with him has slipped quite a bit after this one.

In a related story that will be written on the New Year, I am feeding Pigfoot a shit ton of treats. Why is not important, like I said, it will be written later. Pigfoot is on his 5th treat. I am holding another ten or so in my hand. All of a sudden the guy stops, holds the treat in his mouth and stares at my hand.

"What the fuck are you doing? Eat," I says.

Pigfoot stares at me while drool builds up and drips off his mouth.

"Asshat, eat that and you get these."

This isn't working. Pigfoot sees many and doesn't want the one he has. Idiot. I hide the treats behind my back.

"Ok Pigfoot, eat."

Pigfoot stares, he can't see the treats anymore. His interest fades and Oh, what's this? He can taste the treat in his mouth. His attention turns back toward it.

He starts lowering himself to lie down and finish it off. In the process, he drops the treat. Now that he is on his belly all he has to do is pick up the treat and there are more to come. Hark, there is a dilemma. Pigfoot looks about, no treat in sight. When he dropped the treat it went under his body, he is lying on it and can't feel the fuckin thing.

"You fuckin idiot," I say shaking my head in disbelief.

Pigfoot's head is twitching every which direction, he doesn't want to get up but he can't see his treat. Then it starts. He stares at me and starts to growl. Jackass thinks that I took it from him! I start cracking up. He stands up, looking at me angrily.

"Wow, you fuckin clown, look beneath you!"

He doesn't he keeps looking around.

"For fuck's sake, its right there."

All the commotion has brought The One out from hibernation. He walks over briskly seeing the treat under Pigfoot, nudges him aside and wins the prize. I can't believe what I am seeing. Do you not smell it? You fuckin dumb dog. It was there the whole time. I said fuck it, walked away with treats in hand and went back to work. He doesn't deserve to eat his weight in treats if he is that dumb.