Awkward Times

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Male Boss purchased a new display case for a couple pieces of art (fag ass figurines). He purchased these a while back but never got around to showing the world how homosexual he really is by putting them in a lighted display case with a satin backdrop. For those wondering, red satin.. what else? Its all really uncomfortable, the good part is that they are putting the display case in the dining room area where I never am since its on the other side of the house.

In order to accomplish this task, Male Boss hired a delivery man and installer to get it moved into position and to hook up all the electrical wiring. No sweat. However, Male Boss is going to a lunch meeting with a big Client of ours and Female Boss will be in the office. As fate would have it, predictably if I may be so bold, the potentially 20 min job of moving in a piece of furniture and hooking up some electrical wires turns into a fiasco.

Delivery Man comes to the place around a quarter to two. I just got back in the office from my late lunch and Delivery Man trails me in a few minutes later. Female Boss is busy picking up shit with her pooper scooper out back. As soon as Delivery Man gets in the joint to move any obstructions and lay down some mangy ass quilted runway carpet, the dogs and Demonseed spark it up. Party time.

Delivery Man can't hear his own thoughts let alone hear anything Female Boss is trying to instruct him on what to do. This usually gives me the opportunity to laugh nice and loud without being heard. I do. Time passes and the shelling starts to die down. The only casualties are Female Boss' frail pride and Delivery Man's anvil bone in his inner ear. Not too shabby.

So the guy sets his shit up and starts to head for the door. Female Boss decides its a good time to get to know this individual that she will likely never see again in her life for the following reasons A) he'll never want to be back in this house and B) for there is no more money to make here. Pick your poison, the outcome is the same but Female Boss is a persistent one.

"So yeah, this is Pigfoot and his girlfriend Puppy," she says making no reference to the dogs that she is talking about.

Delivery Man obviously had no clue what she was talking about not only bcuz he doesn't know she's talking about the dogs but also bcuz he's busy finishing up his job, "Excuse me?"

"The dogs. Those two right there," she points. "Pigfoot and Puppy."

"Oh, nice. They are quite the barkers."

"They are just very protective," she smiles.

Delivery Man kinda shrugs her off and puts some twine around the roll of runway he layed out.

That's when Female Boss pulls out her Trump card for making everyday situations awkward, annoying and just odd, "You're acting as if you want to get out of here."

The guy kinda stops in his tracks, looks up at her and has no words to offer. I would imagine he was raised in the school of If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Poor guy.

"Okay that will do it," he says.

"Do you want some water, a banana?"

"No thanks, I have another appointment to go to."

"Oh I see, thanks for stopping by. Don't forget to say goodbye to Puppy and Pigfoot."

He doesn't. He leaves. Rightly so. What the fuck? I dunno, maybe I am harsh. Maybe Female Boss is just trying to be friendly. That, or I could understand if she was fucking with the guy, like after he leaves she turns to me and starts laughing like, "Ha ha I really made him feel awkward." I just think that when a guy isn't chatting it up to begin with you don't force him into conversation. You let him leave and go finish up his fuckin day. The reason she is trying to impress him or whatever word you wanna choose is cuz she is trying to recoup from how pathetic the behavior of the animals are whenever anyone comes in. Lady, ya can't. Just leave the guy alone. Oh and offering him a banana too, that just made her look fuckin crazy in my opinion. Reason being, the bananas are brown.. dark brown.. all over. I really hope he saw them. Great idea, idiot.