Boss Warfare

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Sidebar: No post tomorrow guys, last post of the year will be Friday. So don't in-mail me. Jerks.

In the hopes that the verbal sparring that has been happening of late between these two warriors of mental prowess, Male and Female Boss are getting a new series. Similar to that of the 'Shorts you have grown to love these will take on the same form. Enjoy.

Scenario #1: Male Boss is in a great mood. Female Boss.. not so much. Male Boss knows this and loves to prey upon her. Call it a little well-to-do ribbing. Female Boss would call it something else but thats not important.

"Hey, Female Boss you want to help me with some sandwich?"

"Oh God," she cries out. "Just stop trying to speak English, its not working."

"Why you like to give a hard time on me? I just want you to help me make a salad."

"Sandwich or salad? You don't even know what the word is you are looking for."

"Fuck it, I am going to order some pizza. Do you want?"

"I don't give a fuck what you do."

His tone turns to mocking, "Oh, you don't give a fuck? You don't give a fuck. You will give a fuck when I am licked the grease from my fingers. That's right, pizza! Northe, we are getting pizza, three of them. Lets go!"

Male Boss wins this in my book. I love it when hes happy.

Scenario #2: Female Boss is in need of some Male Boss assistance. A typical everyday scenario for you or I, turns into an atypical fiasco. Here goes:

Female Boss, "Can you help me write a proposal letter to a client to expand our workload with them?

Male Boss, "No way. No way, I think its a lunch hour and it can wait."

"I am not talking about this very moment, later on today."

"I don't know. Its a lot of work and I am not thinking of this client like you do. All the time trying to make them happy, they do very little for us."

"Which is why I want to write a proposal letter to them."

"I said it. Not now, I am not thinking of this client like you do."

"Why do I even bother? You don't even know what you are trying to say."

"Would you let me eat!"

"You are so stupid, look at what you eat. It sure isn't brain food."

"Fuck you."

For those interested, he was eating a bag of potato chips and crackers with butter. That's a pretty basic lunch for him unless he orders take out. I think she got him on that one.

Scenario #3: Female Boss is trying to claw at something that, in some circles, could be mistaken for a sense of humor. It turns out, with a sense of humor like hers, she could have been a star on shows like Small Wonder, Full House and well I really can't think of worse shows than that growing up. Oh well.

"Hey, Male Boss, what do you call a lazy slob that hates to do work?"

Sharp like a ginsu, Male Boss answers the way she phrased the question, "A lazy slob that hates to do work?"

Female Boss is miffed. She stammers. Stumbles. Then comes back at him, "What do you call him? Do you know?"

"Stop raping me. What idiot? What do you call him?"

"Male Boss."

"YYYYYYYEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!" cheers Male Boss. He continues, "You're very energetic and wasting my time, why don't you call your cousin to cool you down. Cuz its Feliz Navidad Time, right Northe?"

Yes, Male Boss, yes indeed.