Dunkirt the Unclean

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Well the pig has grown up to be a big fat bastard. He's pushing upwards of about 200lbs now and they are saying he is about 2/3 grown. This means this feed pig will make plenty of carnitas for all my readers when I either gun him down or he passes due to natural causes.

By that last statement it seems that my opinion of little Dunkirt has changed over the last half year or so. Indeed it has. He's not a pleasant pig. He is quite the ass. Stay tuned for further examples on this. For now, I want to share with my Angry Timers a pretty sticky tale.

During the summer, this pig does next to nothing. He is constantly in the shade and sleeping. That's fine, I don't blame him. Its hot as fuck out. If he only did that it wouldn't be something news worthy; however, Dunkirt finds it suitable to shed his skin like a snake during these hot months.

"Shed like a snake?" you ask. No, I guess not like a snake but the mother fucker sheds. He sheds these large slices of bologna off his back. I am not kidding. I guarantee you I could set up a condiment table next to that fat fuck and get school kids to line up with wonder bread in hand to make sandwiches for their sack lunch. Its fucking repulsive. The smell? It is very reminiscent of the ol' football locker room.. just dirty and hot. Fuckin' foul.

So during these glorious summer months Dunkirt and his stench is beginning to attract flies.. likely due to the basketball size piles of feces he leaves around and that whole unpleasant odor thing. This particular day, Dunkirt has posted up shop next to the front door.. outside of course. When I come in to work, Male Boss is having some sort of fit. Female Boss is doing her usual shun and ignore technique but this doesn't stop Male Boss from insisting on what he saw...

"I seen it, Female Boss! I fucking seen it! Come look, they crawl thru and in, thru and in," says Male Boss with that child-like glint in his eye.

"Leave me the hell alone, Male Boss."

"Get the fuck up out of your chair and clean that fucking pig. That is not right!"

"Oh grow up."

"Northe, have you seen it? The flies crawl thru and in his ass! The flies are coming out of his ass!"

Ohh, that's good.. so Dunkirt's ass has now become a brood home for flies. The sad thing is that I don't think Male Boss is exaggerating when he says this. I believe it.. tho I am not sure how exactly flies are crawling "thru" and then "in" the pig's ass. I guess you'd have to see it and I am not ready for that quite yet. Unreal how much I dislike Dunkirt now. I mean, that pig is something foul.. unholy even. My once proud little piglet has become a disagreeable swine. There can only be one lesson learned here today, kids.. yeah you guessed it.. wash your ass.