You Don't Know Jack

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

So Male Boss is on the phone with one of his Clients. Said Client is introducing Male Boss to a new guy at the company since he is going to start taking over the majority of the communication between us and them. The conversation is rife with Male Boss using slang or common phrases that are completely butchered. I am trying to think of some of the stuff he says but my dumbass is catching a blank right now and I didn't write the terms down. Ah okay, I remember one. Instead of saying drives me up the wall, Male Boss said, "hangs me from the walls."

Its truly sad bcuz now that I think about it there is probably a hell of a lot more shit that I can add to this blog if things weren't so "normal" for me to hear, see or experience. So much madness goes on here and I literally cover maybe 30% of it. Oh well, underachieving has grown my anonymous internet fame to sapling proportions.. that's what's important.

As Male Boss' conversation is coming to a close its time to start giving the new guy the contact numbers. The office, fax, his cell, The Professional's cell etc. This is where the embarrassment really ensues. As a side note of thought, I really don't know what these people think of Male Boss when he speaks to them over the phone. He is a really good guy but when he tries to be cool guy he makes so many mistakes speaking its sad. They have to think he's nuts but that's neither here nor there.

The point is he starts giving the fax number to this guy. While doing such, he is really giving the fax number to one of our other clients. Not only that, he is fumbling the numbers around in his mind and giving a number that isn't ours or the other client's office that I originally thought he confused with ours. I can't see this happen without doing anything, so I correct him.

"Oh shit, I am sorry. That is the wrong number. This is the right one."

Male Boss gives him the correct number and moves on to the next number. For The Professional's cell he starts giving Female Boss' home phone number. Holy shit. I am awestruck but at the same time what the hell do I expect here? I correct him again. He stutters and is now starting to get embarrassed.

"Wow, I am so sorry. I keep mixing the numbers in the head," he says.

The final straw is when he is giving the guy his own cell phone number. His own fucking number! This is literally what was said.

"Number, XXX-XXX the area code is XXXX."

I imagine Client asks, "What?"

Male Boss responds, "Area code XXXX."

I imagine Client is still wondering what the fuck he is saying.

"Yes. That's it. The area code. The numbers before the number. Uh huh. Yes, its XXXX."

Needless to say after strike three I tell Male Boss to hand me the phone and I get things square within 45 secs. Well played, Male Boss. These are business professionals, Clients, and they deal with his incompetency no problem. Not even flinching. I mean, these fools keep coming back for more! I sometimes wonder if they have a sick sense of humor like myself and just make fun of the guy nonstop. Can the world be that close to my heart? Doubtful but hey, let's pretend.