Dunkirt vs. The Professional

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Go ahead and take some time to refresh yourself on what Dunkirt once was. The world was once this pig's oyster, he had it all. He was entertaining, energetic and most of all a pleasure to be around. Now that you remember young Dunkirt, lets continue to delve into what has become of this land cow.

The reason I link to you that particular post is to demonstrate that how some things at one stage in life are cute and how the exact same thing can eventually become just plain fuckin annoying. Over the months, Dunkirt's brain soaked in everything like a sponge. Female Boss rightfully was recognized as the general caretaker. I became, "morning banana peel guy" as I would give Dunkirt the pleasure of eating what I consider a portion of my daily waste, and The Professional became "the tag guy" to Mr. Kirt.

One thing was for sure, nothing made Dunkirt happier than seeing The Professional. If Dunkirt was in the right mood, as a burgeoning young adult pig, he would squeal and charge The Professional with wanton disregard. The poor guy was only hoping that The Professional would stick around and play tag with him. The problem is that as Dunkirt aged and grew the act went from playful tyke to a battering ram ripe to cause internal bleeding. This upset The Professional very much. Often he would scold Dunkirt when coming into the house or use his briefcase as a makeshift shield to fend off his foe. The Professional would act up the most if Female Boss wasn't around. He would curse at Dunkirt and scare him off. This turns out to be a bad move.

Now that Dunkirt is hulking house of flies, he has learned to hate his one time Huckleberry Friend. Nowadays, whenever The Professional comes to the house, it turns into a dangerous game of cat and mouse. The last time The Professional was at all amicable with Dunkirt he paid for it dearly. The way he tells the story is he was getting out of his car and Dunkirt was in the front putting around, per the norm. As The Professional approached the house Dunkirt slowly made his way over toward The Professional and as he turned his back on the pig, Dunkirt smashed his forehead into the side of his leg.

Needless to say The Professional came in ranting and screaming about "that fucking pig." To no one's surprise, Female Boss stepped in to her oblivious role of pet owner and refused to believe it was anything malicious or even something to be concerned about. Where have we seen this behavior before? Hmm..

So now, The Professional avoids Dunkirt at all costs. On weekday mornings I can look out the window and seeing him dodge from left to right and even leaping as he crosses the path of Dunkirt to get around him. When Dunkirt is blocking the front door, he'll use the side door. Anything to get away from him. When asked why he doesn't come in the front door by Female Boss, The Professional replies, "Tell me when you want to turn that pig into sausage and I will come in through the front door when that fucking guy is in my way."

I put my money on The Professional in anticipation of a good meal.