I Know a Guy Who Knows a Guy

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

One of the most ridiculous purchases of all time took place before I started working here. Male and Female Boss bought an authentic slot machine for the house. I guess they thought it would be a good idea to have in the house and pass time with. Initially it seems like a good idea but you'd be surprised to find out that if there's anything slightly more boring than work its fake gambling. Nothing says Lord, take my life like winning jackpot after jackpot on a machine that refuses to pay out. Terrible shit.

So, here's the deal. Female Boss thinks its a good time to retire this thing from the main room of the house to the corner of the den. The den is more like a dungeon. The den is windowless and appropriately has a light bulb with a pull string in the center of the room. The fate of the slot machine lies within the confines of that personal hell to become a dust collector and depreciate until it becomes something that Female Boss wishes to give away.

Here's the rub. The reason why I even bring this up is cuz the thing weighs a good 250lbs. Its a big clunky beast likely made in the late 50s from old WWII tank parts. Female Boss needs this thing moved and is scared to move it because she does not want to damage the marble flooring in the house. Ingeniously, Female Boss calls up the company or warehouse or whatever the fuck she bought it from trying to see if they can send over some guys to move it. They are more than willing to perform the task and kindly let Female Boss know that its gonna cost $175.

A little perspective here. This move is no more than about 25ft, if that. I tell Female Boss that I think that the cost is a little steep. Female Boss, rather than listening to the logic in my statement, boasts about how they are going to be arriving this afternoon. I decide to keep my mouth shut and get back to work. If she wants to spend $175 for 10 min of work then so be it. I just wish she'd pay me that well.

A team of three clown college graduates get to the house about two minutes before I walk out the door to go home. Female Boss makes no mention to their faces that they are a mere 4 hours late and starts putting them to work. I am in no mood to stick around and watch, so I leave.

The next morning I stroll in and ask Female Boss how everything went. Her face lights up as she begins to tell me how these guys were done in no time at all. She might as well be swooning.

"These guys knew exactly what they were doing. I mean they were great!! If you know anyone who needs a slot machine moved I recommend these guys with high marks. They're the best."

Now hold up, before you start in-mailing me, asking me what the phone number is to get your slot machines moved, lets figure out an orderly way to handle this. Okay, I got it. How about you in-mail me if you don't need a slot machine moved cuz it will save me a lot more time taking one or two people off my mailing list than checking on dozens and dozens of people that are in need of this valuable service. Fuck man, finally.. someone that can move that slot machine. Female Boss has the hook up, guys! We're in!