Fat and Itchy

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Oh, Pigfoot. He's as ripe one. Ripe as I've ever seen a dog that's for damn sure. Ol' Pigfoot doesn't really do much nowadays. He pretty much never moves. Female Boss is getting pretty pissy too. She is constantly checking up on him whenever she thinks about it and sure enuff he is on his comfy dog pillow just wallowing.

Oh yeah, Pigfoot is now pretty much indoors most of the time since his weight gain. To the average person this makes no sense. Why you ask? Bcuz Female Boss wants him to desperately lose weight but instead of keeping him out back with Puppy where he can get a good bit of exercise playing with her she keeps him inside to do nothing. The negative side of all this is that our once proud Usurper is now a lame duck. Pigfoot literally does nothing.

On a typical day before, I'd come into the office and he'd be either at the door to greet me or barking at me thru the screen door in the back to come play with him. Now, if I come in and he's already inside he barely lifts his chin to acknowledge me. He gives me this smug look proclaiming his rightful claim to the throne which he sits atop. I guess he has won. I never looked at it that way before. All the pooch wanted was some recognition and he's finally got it. What a fat fuck.

The funny part is, when he actually musters the will to expend the thousands of calories it must take to move his planetary girth, he'll come over to me and just stand there. I used to have no clue what Pigfoot wanted. I mean our normal reaction to a dog coming on over is to pat him on the head or something along those lines. Not Pigfoot. Pigfoot demands a proper scratching. I mean I can sit there and scrape him up and down with both of my hands and watch him melt like butter for a long time.

I recently bought a dog brush for him that I keep on top of my desk. Female Boss didn't understand why I would buy it but now she sees its potential. Pigfoot will come over, I will brush or scratch him pretty aggressively with it and he can hardly stand as he switches back paws scratching at dead air in response. Its frikkin hilarious. I guess all that extra skin and mass has really changed his day to day needs. Before it was chaos and mayhem, now its gorging and itchies. Poor, failed king.