A Chameleon

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

No, no, no. We're not talking about the lizard here. We are talking about the type of person that is able to adapt and blend in to any situation, have calm during any amount of pressure and seem in control even when they know that they are not the sole controller. You know what I mean. Its that type of person that no matter how sticky things get they are the person that keeps things straight, the reality check, if you will.

Now who would be farther from that description, being a chameleon, than Female Boss? Then again maybe not. Maybe there are times when she can be so slick that she can fool every single one of you guys and myself included! Let's probe this further.

Setting up the scene she is on the phone with her friend. It is the usual day to day nonsense speak of infected baboons. Nothing relevant is being said. For a few moments there I coulda swore they talked about pistachios for a good four minutes.. no, I'm not kidding. I am debating a lobotomy in the next week or two so I can become a peer to my employers, any in-mail that highlights Pros or Cons on this decision are welcome.

As many things do in my world, the conversation turns toward irony. Female Boss is now on a self-aggrandizing kick about how she has made "progress" with the pooches. Progress? I have no clue what she is talking about so my AngrySense kicks in to start jotting down notes. Apparently she has been using some sort of psychological mind play against the dogs to communicate what she wants them to. Female Boss tells her friend that when at home she can "trick" them into doing the exact opposite of what they are doing. This is when it happens.

The gardener arrives at the property. I shit you not, no more than three seconds prior to him showing up, Female Boss had just boasted to her friend, "Well come on, they haven't even made a peep. They are absolute dolls, I mean listen to how quiet they are."

Then, hell breaks loose. There's something sinful in my appreciation for the situations in my life that take me on a journey from the plateau of ironic to the cliffs of sardonic. I recline back in my chair and watch the fireworks. Mind you, Female Boss is not in the actual office room right now, she is a couple rooms over facing the backyard so her friend gets to hear the full brunt of the dogs going bonkers. Now after such an outstanding report on the dogs, the last thing Female Boss would want to do is admit defeat. So now what? Stuck between a rock and a hard place, what is the logical thing to do? Indeed, friends. Queue the chameleon!

"What's that guys? Oh do you see a bird outside? Is that a bird?"

Again, dogs going ballistic out here. Loud as shit. Female Boss still standing by the sliding glass door drowning off every pathetic means of communication in a deluge of barking and growling.

"No? Is it a puppy? Do you guys hear a puppy?"

Moments later and over a fevered pitch of more madness coming from the dogs, "Okay, I gotta go."

Well played, Female Boss, well played.