A Stink in the Nose

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Something stinks in the kitchen. Bigtime. I am talking rank odor. Its like a corpse is rotting that was slathered in shit and the shit is becoming more and more humid. Its the type of smell that pierces your nose, literally. When your nose catches the scent you get a slight tinge of pain. Its disgusting. The silver lining is that Male and Female Boss have insanely phenomenal senses of smell, unlike thy king. They can smell it when they walk in the hallway across from the kitchen and sometimes while they are in the office area. I, luckily, can only smell it when I am in the kitchen getting something to drink or raiding the refrigerator. Either of which is angry times bcuz it does stymie my pilfering, tho only minimally.

So for a few days the stench becomes progressively worse. Female Boss is cleaning the hell out of the area. Mop 'n Glo, grout cleaner on the tiles, ridding the cupboards of all outdated foodstuffs and the other morning as a last result, incense. After all of that the smell seemed to escape me from that day forward but that wasn't enuff for Female Boss. Every time she would walk by the kitchen she would shriek about the odor. Male Boss started saying that she left a full plastic bag, which she uses to pick up dog shit, in one of the cabinets on accident. She didn't like those comments bcuz he was only doing it to piss her off. She even started to give it so much thought that she threw out the old garbage can just in case fecal matter had latched on inconspicuously. Credit where credit is due, sirs. Male Boss knows how to play her.

So after a couple more days of the drama, going on more than a full week, the odor had magically disappeared. I asked Female Boss if she had found the source. A decaying corpse of a skink, you ask? Nay. In fact, she found nothing. What was the cause of this stench? It could have deteriorated, yes? It could have been something jammed in the garbage disposal. Yes.. perhaps.. or perhaps it could have been a Fuck You Egg planted by yours truly in the fan vent over the top of the stove that was shuttled in, and eventually out, with such stealth-like underhandedness it would make a bugbear lose sleep at night. Angry Timers, you be the judge.. and if you need more time to think about it, when I start writing about my college days and touch on the art of the Fuck You Egg, maybe then the answer will be within reach. Stay tuned!