Chakhtee Visits

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Do you know my friend Chakhtee? That asshat comes by to visit the other day. Its late afternoon and we're in End of the Day Mode. Male Boss is in the sitting room pretending to watch TV while taking a nap. Female Boss just went into the restroom. Just as I am starting to browse the internet, while I have the opportunity to avoid work, the dogs break the silence with their alerting of an intruder. We can easily deduce that either an intruder has come in, maybe even someone they know or absolutely nothing is going on and they just feel like making noise.. any of these examples generates the same response.

After a couple minutes barking, the sheer annoyance of it all, leads me to realize that someone could very well be on the property and since Male Boss is knocked the fuck out I might as well do the investigating. I head out back, nothing. I go to the side of the house and I see Chakhtee poking around on the ground. Literally. He has a stick in his hand and he's poking at the ground.

"What's up Chakhtee?" I startle the poor guy.

"Oh hey, Northe. Is Male Boss around?"

"Yeah, lemme get him."

I head back inside and wake up Male Boss. This is when the fun starts. He practically shits his pants when I wake him up. He accidentally drops this metal piece of artwork off the sitting room table and it goes crashing to the ground with no damage. The effect of Male Boss being startled is the dogs are now freaked out due to the bang and really start going insane, much worse than before.. as hard as that may be to envision. Demonseed, king of noise making, deems the time right to chime in as well. Amidst the chaos, Male Boss heads outside and a conversation of yelling starts taking place between Male Boss and Chakhtee to overcome the noise coming from inside the investment property. The neighbors must truly love us.

Female Boss has been in the restroom the entire time. The restroom she is in is located on the side of the house that Male Boss and Chakhtee are. To make things interesting Female Boss starts yelling to me while still in the restroom, "Who is it out there!?"

I kind of wait to see if she really wants an answer. Female Boss yells at me again, "Who's out there."

Speaking to my boss while she takes a dump, heh, new one. I tell her its Chakhtee. She starts asking me more questions. Why is she doing this to me? Let's put things into perspective here. Female Boss is up in the restroom, we're talking well past 5 minutes, I know what she's doing in there and she finds it the right time to speak to me while on the can during such a stint of noise? I mean fuck, we have to yell in order for each of us to hear one another. Luckily neither of us had to shout over any basoon-like blasts. No, this isn't awkward.. not at all. I am sure all you guys deal with a situation like this during your average work day.

Before long, Male Boss starts whistling loudly. Those really high pitched, sharp, look the fuck over here type whistling.. I wish I could whistle like that. Why is he doing this? He reveals his intent and starts screaming for Female Boss to come outside. All of a sudden Female Boss has a case of the zipped lip. Male Boss gets annoyed as she is not answering him and rattles on the exterior side bathroom door. She screams. Good lord, I can only imagine.

"What the fuck are you doing? Get out here Chakhtee wants to talk to you!" yells Male Boss.

"Fuck you. Get you and your fucking friend the fuck outta here!" Absolutely shrill the way she screamed that.

"Come on Female Boss, Chakhtee doesn't care if you shit the bathroom and it smells. Lets go!"

I think my jaw would have hit the floor even if it was wired shut after that comment.

"I hate you!" fires back Female Boss.

"Come on! Get the fuck out here and finish your shit!"

Wait, he wants her to finish taking a shit outside?

Female Boss doesn't answer anymore. After everything is said and done, Female Boss couped up in the restroom for the entire 30 min duration of Chakhtee being at the house, I come to find out that he is going to pour a small concrete slab out there on the side of the house for whatever reason. The pair of bumbling clods never did open the bathroom door, Female Boss merely freaked out that they were trying to get in while she was in there. Man was she pissed recanting the details to me. Then came the oddest thing I have ever head outta her mouth to date.

"Fucking asshole. I can't believe they tried to open the door. I was naked in there!"

Naked!? While taking a shit? Oh, I know, you're thinking she was gonna take a shower? Sorry folks, its a half bath. No shower in there. Putter that thought around in your head for the rest of the day.