Boss Warfare 8

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Sole Scenario: As I touched on in the past Male Boss is smoking those good ol' really gay looking, slim cigs. I guess his smoking is really becoming a nuisance to Female Boss who is waging her own personal anti-smoking campaign. Whenever he lights up in the office she starts talking about how real office buildings have rules against that type of behavior. Male Boss, like a typical dunderhead of something resembling a man, doesn't really give a shit and decides to constantly test the bounds of Female Boss' already fragile mental condition. Empirical evidence would suggest this to be quite foolish but we have grown to expect nothing less out of this dimwitted duo.

This time Female Boss' reaction to his insolence is not found in the might of the sword but rather the use of non-violent protest and turning to the strength of the pen. Like most who protest, Female Boss finds the taste of failure to be a trough of therapeutic gruel that can only be more fulfilling by taking in larger and larger mouthfuls each time she rehashes her poorly thought out plans. Her first attempt to quell Male Boss' smoking rebellion was to get up and turn off the lights every time he lit up. Color me impressed, Male Boss can still smoke in the dark. Good thinkin' Female Boss. Why not give it another go..

The second idea Female Boss had was to hold up her pen over her head whenever Male Boss started to smoke in the office. I'm sure you can see the shock on my face when I find out that, like most out of shape desk gremlins, Female Boss can't even hold said pen over her head for more than a minute before it starts drooping down to shoulder level.. not to mention that Male Boss probably never even realized what she was doing to begin with. Realizing that this new tactic wasn't going to work, Female Boss wrote "Smoke Free Office" on a piece of paper with a Sharpie and started walking to his desk holding it in front of Male Boss' face whenever he would puff on a smoke. Male Boss responded by lighting the piece of paper on fire after the third time Female Boss encroached on his territory.

Female Boss only had one option left.. to go for the jugular. She waited like a lion stalking her prey for the precise moment to launch the offensive. Male Boss was smoking a cigarette and started to shuffle thru papers frantically on his desk.

"Lose something?" asked Female Boss who had slyly taken what Male Boss was searching for.

"I can't find this fucking papers. I know I has them right fucking here!"

Female Boss holds up the papers and asks, "Oh these?"

Male Boss gets pissed, "What the fuck are you doing? Give me them fucking now those papers!"

Female Boss, with lighter in hand, sets the papers aflame. Male Boss' face goes pale. He leaps from his desk and yelps like a stuck pig, "What the fuck are you doing!?"

Female Boss drops them into the metal trash can at her feet. The papers are now completely on fire and the unintended consequence of smoke starts to billow. Male Boss is livid.

"You fucking bitch! This is not funny!"

Before Male Boss could do anything too crazy, Female Boss starts laughing and brings out the original documents.. the others were copies. Female Boss stamps "Gotcha Again!" on Male Boss' forehead! The color returns to Male Boss' face; however, he is still pissed.

"I don't understand what the fuck your problem is," he says as he returns to his desk to continue his smoking.

"You don't get it do you?" Female Boss asks.

Male Boss doesn't care what the hell she has to say and continues doing what he had to do.

"Your problem is you have a *cough* better grip on your cigarette *cough* than you do on *cough, cough* reality," chokes Female Boss.

At this point I leave the office to grab a bite to eat and give the office some time to air out. This is probably the most realistic case of fighting fire with fire I can think of. Female Boss hates the smell of cigarette smoke in the office and ends up combating her hatred of the smoke by producing her own smoke. Could this happen anywhere else?