Got Milk?

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Female Boss starts off the day by telling me that The One and Puppy had a bit of a tiff last night that involved The One clamping down on the throat of Puppy which Female Boss had to break up. There was no damage, no blood, not even a scratch, probably just a warning shot across the bow letting Puppy know if she fucks with The One again its gonna be angry time. Of course I am delighted to hear the news cuz any potential for a story about the dogs always gets high marks by you folks. The info pays off as we get a small delivery here likely linked to the events of the night prior.

In her infinite wisdom, Female Boss brought in a small doggy enclosure to give the two dogs a little bit of space.. which I think she mentioned that she uses in the kitchen at her place. She puts The One in the enclosure and Puppy is allowed to roam free.. since its rainy out the dogs get to stay inside if they wish. As for Pigfoot he's taking up his normal roost outside and sleeping the day away, poor weather or not. The morning was as normal as any.

Post-lunch a hyper Puppy starts testing The One's waters. Although I can't see what exactly is going on, I can hear Puppy running around the whole house and stopping in front of The One's enclosure. The One is starting to get a bit peeved about Puppy's taunting but rather than react like a regular, angry, fuckin dog with growling, The One acts like a pathetic, whimpering bitch and starts to whine for his mommy. Enter Female Boss with her across-the-house inquiries to her precious pooch, "What's the problem, The One? Did Puppy do something gross?"

I have no idea what that means but it isn't shutting The One up. Before long Female Boss will lose it and in short order does. Building on her repertoire, Female Boss introduces me to a new means by which to deal with her mounting frustration. While she pounds the clickable end of a pen into her forehead she pleads to her pagan gods, "Please, please, please, please.."

I sit in sheer amazement that her method is not working.. but this has never stopped her before, "Please stop, please stop. Fuck.. please be quiet."

Hmm, still not working.. in fact, The One's crying is getting much, much louder.. likely due to the fact that he knows he has piqued Female Boss' interest in him. So what better way to get what you want than make a bigger fuss. Female Boss' reaction is a bit harsh.. even for her, "I hate myself."

Hopefully her hate for herself lies within the fact that she is the one that has created these mentally disturbed dogs.. among other things, too. Finally she gets up from her desk and stops The One from behaving like a complete puss. Oh wait, she's treating him like a complete puss so she is merely facilitating the behavior further.. After pampering The One with smooches and hugs, Female Boss does what any smart animal lover and pet owner would do and sets The One down on the ground.. out in the open.. the same open that Puppy, you know the dog that was taunting him a few seconds ago, is roaming free..

Within seconds, The One runs down Puppy and places her gentle, swan-like neck into his clamping jaw. Female Boss shrieks like a banshee, I go over for a closer look. The One has Puppy planted firmly on the ground with a paw, Female Boss is frozen in terror and can't even speak, tho no signs of the chewing action going on by The One so thats a good thing.. I guess. Seeing that Female Boss is not going to do anything, I give The One a swift kick to his soft, white underbelly and he lets Puppy go. I get in between The One and Puppy using the Shaolin blade that is my foot. The One still has fight left in him and starts trying to snap at Puppy who is cowering against the wall a couple feet away. Simply shoving my foot in front of The One's face prevents him from charging at Puppy again. Female Boss finally gets her wits about her and picks up The One.

"Jeezus! Thank you so much I didn't know what to do!"

It is my opinion that freezing up during any time of duress is a terrible sign of weakness that should be eliminated from our society. We don't need people like this. They serve no purpose. Really, what's the point if you have no mettle? Everywhere else in nature dictates that you will be phased out, period. Controlled extermination, c'mon people, get with it.

Coming back to the story now, The One is scooped up by Female Boss and is like putty in her hands, its like the whole thing never happened with the way he is acting. Its kind of disturbing when I think about it. Wait a second, here's the big moment! Its another of Female Boss' opportunities to take any disciplinary action against any one of her unruly dogs. Here we go! Wait for it! Female Boss puts a stern look on her face and holds The One up to her eyes and, and, and..... starts to laugh..

"Ha ha ha, look at this, Northe! He has white on his lower lip like the dairy commercials!"

Female Boss is stricken with joy.. sure, why not? Is there really anything else in the world that would make sense, really? The "white" on his lower lip is anger foam from trying to snap his jaws at Puppy.. easily mistaken by the unlearned eye for something cuddly and sweet. The "dairy commercial" is obviously the Got Milk? ad.. tho I believe she has the upper lip confused with the lower lip.. another expected hiccup for someone who in society helps run a successful and profitable business. I must admit tho, I'm actually kind of surprised she made an almost-accurate pop reference.. which obviously overshadows any type of concern for the dogs and the evening's home situation for Female Boss. Keep on encouraging and/or ignoring the warning signs Female Boss.. a truly epic Angry Time hangs in the balance for that to happen sooner rather than later.