Recent Happenings

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I have quite a few very short stories here that have been piling up that really don't relate to anything monumental. I usually save these on the side in hopes that things snowball into something greater but nothing seems to be happening in these departments anymore. So I'll take the day to bang out a few stupid plots that have failed to go anywhere.

First Happening:The first one is a new behavior Pigfoot has been picking up on. In short, whenever I go over to see the dogs they all do the typical dog thing and welcome you with wagging tails. However, as of late, Mr. Foot has been doing his best to make sure that I greet him first. Typically its just Puppy and Pigfoot that come running while The One goes over his Female Boss complex before reassuring himself that its okay to acknowledge someone else's existence.

So the way it goes down is Pigfoot and Puppy race to get to me first. Since Puppy is quicker than Pigfoot, cuz he's fat, he has come up with a tactic to counter her speed with brawn. As Puppy begins to slow down, Pigfoot speeds up and jumps paws first at her. This results in him shoving the shit out of Puppy and she tucks tail and literally gets in line behind him. It was a pretty interesting thing to see unfold the first time and sure enuff its been happening with regularity.. not all the time but often enuff to put a grin on my face.

Next Happening: One of The Plastics purchased a shiny new kitten. Female Boss was on the phone with her just last week. They basically just called to give her the news. Female Boss asks what the name is.. turns out they haven't named it yet. So in proper Female Boss fashion she wants to lend a hand. I hear her saying "no" with that drawn out disappointed tone that she tends to have which translates to "only my answer is good." Her brilliant name is Matzo. Now some people pronounce this matsa, she pronounced it with a very hard O.. just sounded weird the way she was saying it. Then, to the best of my knowledge they answered how they weren't Jewish.

An offended Female Boss strikes back with, "You don't have to be Jewish! Where's your Christmas spirit!?"

Need I go on?

Last Happening: Some neighbor is having a movie shoot go on for the week at their house.. I imagine its porn. Notices are posted on the trees to let everyone know. Being the people watcher that she is, Female Boss is now spending more and more time outside in the front.. problem is the shooting doesn't start for a couple weeks from the time she started making her rounds.

A week goes by and she finally meets the neighbor that is having the crap done at their house. There is very little information that the neighbor offers up to Female Boss.. cuz its porn. After a few more days, Female Boss calls up Neighbor and lets her know that if they need a place to park they can use her driveway. The investment property has a pretty good size driveway with ample parking for about 8 cars and with construction going on at two neighborhood houses the parking on the street is pretty slim.

Female Boss' parking proposition comes at a cost of course and the Neighbor knows this but if they don't want to march for a half mile it may be in their best interest to take Female Boss up on her idea. The Neighbor lets her know that the studio is very pleased to here about her generosity and offers her 8 cars for $50 a day each. Female Boss tells me, I congratulate her. Two days drop off the calendar and she comes into the office very anxious. Finally she spills the beans.

"I don't think $50 is fair. I am going to tell her $100 per day."

I don't stop her. Female Boss delivers the rate negotiation to Neighbor. She is told that Neighbor will get back to her on Monday and that she should be at the office, that morning, just in case. Monday rolls around, Female Boss is bitching left and right about how she doesn't want anyone to park on her property. She starts talking about how she should be charging even more.

When noon thirty hits, it is apparent that no one is going to be using the driveway. Female Boss is livid, "Why has Neighbor not called!? Where are they!? She said they would be here!"

Female Boss makes a phone call to Neighbor. Neighbor explains that they did not want to pay that much for the parking and they worked out a busing solution. Female Boss puts on her best bartering dashiki, "Well we can charge 'em like $30 a day if they want, I could really use the extra money."

Neighbor tells her that everything is arranged and taken care of but thanks her for her offer. When Female Boss hangs up with Neighbor, she is completely offended. I am talking disgusted. She can't understand why they wouldn't use her driveway for such a good deal. Then, after all that stupidity of going back and forth on what she wants and for what price she says, "Well I guess its better this way, I didn't want anyone parking here anyway."

Now tell me there aren't several really stupid people fighting for control of her brain in there.