Saleswoman of the Future

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Every now again there is change in all of us. From humans to the amoeba to lowly Female Boss we all experience some sort of change. The type of change is sometimes up to us. We can change our role, let's say.. from chair moistener.. to marketing guru. Sure, why not?

First Scenario: I didn't mean that Female Boss was going to become a marketing guru literally. What Female Boss is becoming, I suppose, could be classified as pushy, irritating or downright worthy of her hamstring being snapped in half with a scythe. She is really into her new pain in my ass attitude too. Why just the other day she was complaining about how she has been feeling sluggish all the time. I imagine that with the modern world we live in, her feeble brain is so over stimulated that before she gets out of the house she's exhausted. A while after, Female Boss came in to work telling me about her latest and greatest cocktail of herbs and vitamins to really put some pep in her step.

Indeed, it was about 9am, shockingly Female Boss was at work. She starts in on her being on time as a result of this line of crap she's been gagging down a few times a day to give her energy, "Aren't you tired in the morning?"

"No, I am pretty good at starting my day," I answer.

As if I answered yes and begged her for a solution, Female Boss rev'd up, "Uh huh. Well you gotta get on these!"

"Get on what?"

"These vitamins! I feel like I can work all day and then some!"

Then some, eh? So basically Female Boss is admitting that she needs some sort of crutch to really struggle thru a day. It probably takes that brain of hers so much energy to remember to perform the involuntary functions of the body that come evening she drools herself to sleep. However, I must say she is on top of her game. She takes her usual lunch break at around 11:30am and comes back on time, pretty incredible stuff.. maybe she is on to something here.

"Oh yeah, I am feeling good. If you want I can pick you up some on the way home, Northe."

"No thanks."

Female Boss moves to some sort of pyramid scam pressure tactic, "You don't want to feel this good all the time?"

"Nah, I'm feeling good as it is. No need to spend money on that kind of thing."

"Well, maybe you'll change your mind."

Sure, hold your breath while I grab lunch. When I get back from my lunch break, roughly a quarter to 2pm, she is still pecking away at her keyboard. I settle in and start banging out what I have to do. She starts up again with the bothersome salesman shit.

"So how can I get you on these vitamins, Northe?"

"Are you serious? I don't think I need them," I say with a bit more disdain in my voice than usual. I just can't stand shit like this. Leave me the fuck alone. I don't need some ground up, dry goat shit packed into a capsule to get my day going.

"Oh," she responds sadly.

Did I take the wind out of her sails? Nay. The truth was much more interesting. Little did I know Female Boss had already hit the wall. Perhaps conversation was the key to her salvation. At approximately 2:15pm, "I just have zero energy."

My hand reaches for the trusty Angry Time ledger, ready to write more.

"I am pooped. I think I need a nap."

No more than 20 minutes go by and Female Boss reaches for the phone.

"Male Boss, I think I am gonna go home. Yeah. I am sapped."

Oh yeah, you sold me on those vitamins. Can't wait to give 'em a whirl. Nie nie, peppy.

Last Scenario: Turns out that Female Boss is on some major airline spam in-mail list. The idea is to catch 24 hour deals on flights. I know this due to her habit of reading just about everything out loud like a kindergarten teacher during show and tell.. like I give a shit. She goes on talking about various air fares and deals going to this city and that city. Unless I'm getting surprise vacation time that I can take on a whim Female Boss needs to shut the fuck up as far as I'm concerned.

After a couple minutes her sharing ceases. While I am entrenched in what I have to do, I can't help but notice that Female Boss is extremely quiet. I kinda perk up my senses in her direction. Nothing. No sooner than I start to pay attention does she grab the phone. A phone call goes in to one of The Plastics.

"Hey, I have been thinking. You know how these Airline companies try to get you to buy tickets from them?.. Yeah, well I think I have an idea that they should try. You know, say they want you to buy a ticket to Delhi, they could put Delhi! Price is only $XXX, WOW!"

Never seen anything like that before in my life. Its like the airline would be promoting and drawing attention to their low fees! This is crazy! You wonder why they never used something like TV or print ads to do this!

After listening to The Plastic either belittle her for stupid she is or brainstorming the idea, Female Boss has more to say.

"Right, saying things like Direct flight home! Strange cities! Get it? I know!"

I really, really wanted her to take it to the next level and call up the airline company. You know.. give em some suggestions. What? You think she hasn't done something that absurd before? You don't know Female Boss then. Lucky for her this was before my Angry Time cataloging days and I don't remember enuff to really put together a story about it, but yeah, she has called up companies before trying to help them advertise before. I'm pretty sure she's still waiting on some checks in the mail for her services.

Conquering teh Internets!

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Ever since the turn of the century Female Boss has been doing her best to keep the office up to a respectful level regarding technology. Little did she know that she was doing a piss poor job until I arrived on the scene a few years later. They didn't use that new fangled in-mail, had no clue that we could .pdf reports or even use the internet as a research tool. Only now are both of these officetime orange roughies (c'mon, Fish Game!) really starting to see the potential of this information age. Next thing you know they'll be stumbling upon this website and we'll all share a good laugh.

One day, Male Boss came home pretty excited about one of our older clients. Turns out that they took some time to show him what their website looks like and does. Let me just tell you, he was quite impressed with all the bells and whistles and also exposure to the world. This became his new mission: Build a Website!

His gumption was summed up in one sentence, "Female Boss, find out how to get us a website."

Shortly thereafter, he set up shop on the ol' couch, tore open a bag of potato chips and had himself dreams of greasy adventures. With Female Boss now on the job the fervor was steadily climbing. We're gonna turn this office into an e-office and doll out shares of stock like toilet paper! We're gonna be rich I tells ya! The energy is really upbeat, save for the snoozing man on the couch, Female Boss' questions like, "Do you think AOL knows how I can make a website?" and my slow yet satisfied hand writing down of all the absurd things happening around me.

After an hour of computer hacking, Female Boss lands herself on a do-it-yourself website that says you can make your own in minutes! The price is right and Female Boss is looking forward to, in summation from her very words, "express herself and show off her personal things" on the website. Sure, why not? This isn't about building a site for the company, its about random images, blurbs and features that have zero to do with us, our clients and our business. Everything is shaping up as well as I could expect. The question was would all that is promised really be delivered with the vigilant, slumbering giant Male Boss keeping one sharp eye on her from his couch?

Answer: Absofuckinlutely

Female Boss goes for it. She calls up the do-it-yourself website company and gives the cc digits to the employee. Before she knows it, Female Boss has a login and password and is ready to design the interweb.. but before all that she has to successfully navigate their website a second time and perform the login. To my dismay this goes by without a hitch. Female Boss starts in on the basics, URL, layout, colors.. all that crap.

All seems to be going well, then, she takes her lunch break. When she comes back, Female Boss wants to go on to the actual site from her trusty AOL browser. Uh oh, we have a problem..

"Hey Northe, what's my site name?"

"Uhh.. didn't you name it?" let's see if the nudge works.

"Yeah, but what is it?"

"Well, what did you name it?" I refuse to help this idiot.

"I want it to be called Website."

"Ok, so is that the name then?" C'mon lady, its not that hard.. connect the fucking dots here.. please..

"Hmm, what do you think? Should I call?"

"You probably have to," cuz fuckin trying ANYTHING is just plain stupid.

Without the usual hem and haw, Female Boss calls back the company. They tell her that the site name is up to her. She asks them again what it is. After a five minute conversation of explaining that it is up to that fleck of creativity blowing in the wind of her proverbial shanty town of a brain, Female Boss may have grasped it. Then, the guy on the other end of the phone tells her that she actually already named it Website.. the exact same name that she said 10 minutes ago. Wow, she might now know what her site name is. Let's check.

After she hangs up I ask her, "So what is the name of it then?"

Female Boss replies, "Oh, it was Website all along!"

Sometimes pulling the wings off a fly gives me great pleasure, "Are you sure? That's the way they said you should get to the site? I dunno.."

"Well.. well, yeah. I mean I guess."

At this point I'm waiting for her spontaneous combustion or an aneurysm.. something. Her brain has to be on complete overload. However, the seed didn't take root. :(

"Well if its not I am going to name it that right now."

Going back on the site and into the page editor she finds out everything is there the way she had originally done it and named it.. but its not over. The final design of the website was hardly business related at all. Instead of putting up a good deal of information about the company, Female Boss put up snapshots of her "art gallery" and dogs. The best part was when she used a photo provided by the web editing page.. they had a whole set of default photos you could use to spruce up your site apparently.. Female Boss chose a night time skyline picture of some random city.. ocean, bridge.. all that. I don't know my skylines so I couldn't elaborate on how far off she was regarding the whole thing, but Female Boss put a caption under the photo and put "Los Angeles at night, this is how we live."

Upon sending the site to clients, and of course, friends and family I was met with a lot of snickering and "its nice" by the typical pussy ass egg shell walkers that I would expect. I mean why be honest when you can lie and come off as nice. Fuckin idiots. Tho I did get a couple guys really laughing at it. Some guys asking if this was really our "business" website. I would just answer yes with a big grin on my face.

The most notable call back was when Female Boss' brother called and started bitching at her for calling that photo the Los Angeles skyline. Per his criticism, he told Female Boss that "everyone would think that she had no clue what she was talking about" if he kept that caption there. What I find funny is that Brother believes that is the barometer for her lack of smarts.. nothing else this blog would point to. Ahhh, I need more days like these..

Recent Happenings

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

I have quite a few very short stories here that have been piling up that really don't relate to anything monumental. I usually save these on the side in hopes that things snowball into something greater but nothing seems to be happening in these departments anymore. So I'll take the day to bang out a few stupid plots that have failed to go anywhere.

First Happening:The first one is a new behavior Pigfoot has been picking up on. In short, whenever I go over to see the dogs they all do the typical dog thing and welcome you with wagging tails. However, as of late, Mr. Foot has been doing his best to make sure that I greet him first. Typically its just Puppy and Pigfoot that come running while The One goes over his Female Boss complex before reassuring himself that its okay to acknowledge someone else's existence.

So the way it goes down is Pigfoot and Puppy race to get to me first. Since Puppy is quicker than Pigfoot, cuz he's fat, he has come up with a tactic to counter her speed with brawn. As Puppy begins to slow down, Pigfoot speeds up and jumps paws first at her. This results in him shoving the shit out of Puppy and she tucks tail and literally gets in line behind him. It was a pretty interesting thing to see unfold the first time and sure enuff its been happening with regularity.. not all the time but often enuff to put a grin on my face.

Next Happening: One of The Plastics purchased a shiny new kitten. Female Boss was on the phone with her just last week. They basically just called to give her the news. Female Boss asks what the name is.. turns out they haven't named it yet. So in proper Female Boss fashion she wants to lend a hand. I hear her saying "no" with that drawn out disappointed tone that she tends to have which translates to "only my answer is good." Her brilliant name is Matzo. Now some people pronounce this matsa, she pronounced it with a very hard O.. just sounded weird the way she was saying it. Then, to the best of my knowledge they answered how they weren't Jewish.

An offended Female Boss strikes back with, "You don't have to be Jewish! Where's your Christmas spirit!?"

Need I go on?

Last Happening: Some neighbor is having a movie shoot go on for the week at their house.. I imagine its porn. Notices are posted on the trees to let everyone know. Being the people watcher that she is, Female Boss is now spending more and more time outside in the front.. problem is the shooting doesn't start for a couple weeks from the time she started making her rounds.

A week goes by and she finally meets the neighbor that is having the crap done at their house. There is very little information that the neighbor offers up to Female Boss.. cuz its porn. After a few more days, Female Boss calls up Neighbor and lets her know that if they need a place to park they can use her driveway. The investment property has a pretty good size driveway with ample parking for about 8 cars and with construction going on at two neighborhood houses the parking on the street is pretty slim.

Female Boss' parking proposition comes at a cost of course and the Neighbor knows this but if they don't want to march for a half mile it may be in their best interest to take Female Boss up on her idea. The Neighbor lets her know that the studio is very pleased to here about her generosity and offers her 8 cars for $50 a day each. Female Boss tells me, I congratulate her. Two days drop off the calendar and she comes into the office very anxious. Finally she spills the beans.

"I don't think $50 is fair. I am going to tell her $100 per day."

I don't stop her. Female Boss delivers the rate negotiation to Neighbor. She is told that Neighbor will get back to her on Monday and that she should be at the office, that morning, just in case. Monday rolls around, Female Boss is bitching left and right about how she doesn't want anyone to park on her property. She starts talking about how she should be charging even more.

When noon thirty hits, it is apparent that no one is going to be using the driveway. Female Boss is livid, "Why has Neighbor not called!? Where are they!? She said they would be here!"

Female Boss makes a phone call to Neighbor. Neighbor explains that they did not want to pay that much for the parking and they worked out a busing solution. Female Boss puts on her best bartering dashiki, "Well we can charge 'em like $30 a day if they want, I could really use the extra money."

Neighbor tells her that everything is arranged and taken care of but thanks her for her offer. When Female Boss hangs up with Neighbor, she is completely offended. I am talking disgusted. She can't understand why they wouldn't use her driveway for such a good deal. Then, after all that stupidity of going back and forth on what she wants and for what price she says, "Well I guess its better this way, I didn't want anyone parking here anyway."

Now tell me there aren't several really stupid people fighting for control of her brain in there.

I'm a Helper

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

If or when you have kids you'll better understand this. I guess you don't even need kids to relate. You just need to be that fed up with spoon feeding your brainless peers, inferiors or even superiors to get the gist of this. However, the way I look at it is trying to get a young person to figure out the answer by themselves. All that is required is a gentle nudging in the right direction and their little eyes light up as the solution or whatever it is pops in their head. Its a win win cuz they learn and you don't have to go about wasting much time trying to explain something that you already find pretty simple to begin with.

I have taken this approach with Female Boss a couple times with disastrous result. There is nothing in her poor brain that can click. Nothing that can muster the power of logic and make her feel good about herself, on her own.. with or without help from outsiders. Well, enough about that, gather around and I'll tell you a tale.

I had a great opportunity not too long ago to assist Female Boss in a little brain work. I was in the kitchen grabbing a drink and the phone began to ring. I have no phone in there with me so Female Boss is gonna have to answer it. Clearly, life couldn't be that easy.

Instead its, "XXX-XXX-XXXX... Who the hell is that?"

The phone is on its 4th ring and getting ready to be rocketed to voicemail if she doesn't grab it. Still ringing. Is she gonna answer that shit or is she awaiting a response from me?

The phone stops ringing. Female Boss never picked it up. Jeezus, what a reject. I decide that I am going to extend my break and have a snack. I stay in the kitchen. A few moments later the phone rings again.

"Same number. Who the fuck is calling?"

I decide to give Female Boss an answer, "No clue."

"Well, I'm not getting it."

"Heh, you're not gonna answer?"

"Nope."

Great. Why answer your own question by figuring it out yourself? Why would you do that? That would make sense and that has no place within these walls. My threshold for such stupidity is non-existent yet somehow while I am at work I can grin and bear it, I guess its bcuz I know the situation will continue to revisit and revisit and revisit until there is some sort of satisfaction. The gods deliver no longer than a minute later. Ringy ding ding, grab the fuckin phone you idiot.

"Its them again. Do you know who it is?"

Hmm, in the last 60 seconds I gave a fuck enuff to browse my memory to set your fuckin nerves free from being hassled. I don't think so. Try answering the phone your damn self. The phone call again goes to voicemail. So dumb.

Less then 10 seconds go by this time. *Ring*

"They're calling again!"

"You gonna grab it?" I ask.

"No, I'm not answering it!" she says with her arms crossed and staring at the phone.

You have to understand when the dumb don't understand something they lash out against it in one form or another, be it thru fear or anger. Female Boss has taken the anger route. This phone caller is becoming a threat and she is taking it personal now.

I have finished what I was doing in the kitchen and I head back to my seat. Amazing, the phone is ringing again. Oh, and looky here, same number! Couldn't have guessed that was coming.

"Do you want to answer it to solve the mystery or is the pleasure all mine?" I ask.

"I'm not picking it up," answers Female Boss with a salty look on her face.

I grab the phone. Mystery solved, "Female Boss, your best friend is on the line."

"Oh yeah!!! I thought I knew that number!"

Hey I tried to help the clown. I tried to coax her into falling into the tiger trap of answering the phone but the conversation blasts off into the ether and nothing that would transpire between normal humans takes place. When Female Boss got on the line with her best friend, it was as if her brain was properly supplied with oxygen the entire time.. likely priming the gears for a good talk about keeping eggs warm.. totally amazing to me. This woman calls about 10 times a week and she doesn't recognize the phone number instantly? Who's up for a neck stabbing?

Female Boss Shorts 11

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Oh yeah, have another dose!

Scenario #1: The other day Female Boss asks me, "Is it gonna rain?"

I check the forecast, "Nope, no rain. The weather is just gonna stay cool."

A good 5 minutes later, "Is it gonna warm up?"

At first I don't answer but the burrowing parasites keep stimulating the same section of her brain, "Northe? Did they say if it was gonna warm up?"

Deep breath, "Nope.."

"Oh and you believe them?"

Aaaaa.. ha ha.. aaaah.. ha ha ha.. oh.. ha... She must have been waiting to drop that funny one. How do I figure that it was a joke? Cuz she did one of those pbbt sounds by pressing her lips together trying to hold in her laughter. Yeah, good one.

Scenario #2: Here's a brain teaser. We have several lines here in the office. Female Boss uses different lines to dial out a lot of the time. In other words, she'll just randomly push a line # and start dialing, whether it be line 1, 2 or 3. Whatever.

So lately, Female Boss has been the main character in this ludicrous saga where she has no concept on how telephones work. Here's a typical example. She makes the phone call to the person. The person calls back. The phone line ringing isn't the default line 1, its the line she called from. I answer the phone, tell her that So-and-so is on line whatever and it starts..

"How'd they get on that line!?"

I never answer her. There's literally no reason why I should have to waste my time and breath on such stupidity. Like all things at Angry Time the situation has begun to snowball. Now it goes something like this..

"Where are they getting this number???"

Female Boss answers the phone, "Why are you calling on this number? I don't think you guys have the right phone number in your database for us."

Then, just the other day, "Here let me give you the right number to call..."

Followed by Female Boss refusing to talk to them on that line, hanging up and them having to call back. It was pretty much the last straw for this person so they told her why the fuck they called on that line. I could practically see that dim bulb appearing over her head as she realized how easy that it is to figure out. Fuckin idiot. Of course after the phone call I get hit with, "Northe! Its bcuz of caller ID!"

What a time to be alive..

40 Days in a Month

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Oh Female Boss, you are truly a miracle of science. Oh! So one of The Plastic's husbands went under the knife to repair his ticker. The surgery was a success and this fine gentleman is recuperating without any problems thus far. Female Boss followed up bi-weekly with them to keep tabs on any needs they may have had and for her own peace of mind. Good friend, just dumb.

After a conversation with The Plastic, Female Boss hangs up and starts giving me the scoop as if I asked and as if I was at all interested. Hey lady I'm working here, and no I don't care. Sorry, I don't. Fuck you if that's a problem, I have my own shit to deal with. During her insipid monologue, Female Boss does a little flexing of her perception muscles and demonstrates to me how well she understands the Gregorian Calendar.

"Well anyway, he's doing just fine. Which is great news. Hmm, let me see.. he had his surgery on July 19th, right? Annnnnndddd todaaayyyyyy is, ah! August 27th! Wow! Pretty soon it will be a whole month and the man is doing great!"

I drop a condescending, "Yeah, its only been a few weeks."

Like a moronic mackerel (cmon HMT, what ever happened to the Fish Game?), Female Boss takes the bait and swims away with it.

"Well yeah, but it hasn't even been a month yet!"

You know, you'd think that Female Boss might be able to just do some quick arithmetic in her head. Not even arithmetic, you'd think that when she flipped thru her calendar she might have noticed skipping thru like 5 or 6 lines of weeks before speaking. All it would take is counting. Counting! Of course not. Sometimes she makes it too easy to get the type of response I am looking for..

Female Boss Shorts 10

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Jeez, over the last few days I have really been dumping out the Female Boss Shorts. I will have another update with another set of stories before the week is up too. She just never has a dull week. No one here would have it any other way I'm sure.

Scenario #1: This first one was during one of Female Boss' short lived phases. She was in one of those moods where she was taking no guff. All day she was just bitter at about everything; however, the one thing that stood out that day was when she was on the phone with some client and said client brought on one of their clients to complain to Female Boss about their experience dealing with her. Needless to say she was caught off guard, embarrassed and pissed. To deal with her frustration Female Boss had some scathing words to say to the poor, helpless base of her phone, "Great! You fuck! Great! (Changing her voice to emulate someone with a speech impediment now) Oh, hi my name is Jack and I had some concerns (Angrier now) about how stupid you are! (Switching to stern) I bet your last name is Jack Fuck! (Trailing off into mumbling) Writing it down as Fuck, Jack on resumes."

Scenario #2: After receiving some in-mails about how horses are killed in the United States, Female Boss has gone on a short-lived PETA kick. Everything is oppressed, the world is caving in, severe depression.. the life of so many idiots in this world.. I am sure you know the type. In her newfound world view that lasted all of 4 days, Female Boss made the decision to let Demonseed "roam free" as she says. No more cage for the bird. Sounds good to me. Let's go over how it played out.

Day 1: Two rolls of paper towels and her kitchen towel shredded.

Day 2: In the night, Demonseed found interest in all 4 of the pillows on the couch, not the cushions. Too bad the couch stayed intact.

Day 3: Female Boss finds herself cleaning up and complaining about bird shit "hiding everywhere."

Day 4: On Demonseed's final day of freedom the hose of the vacuum was split in two by one powerful beak. The cord was also frayed in three places.

Expensive lesson. So much for that idea, brainiac.

Muttonhead Sangwich

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

What'dya know we're having another meltdown in the office and I am caught between this boisterous, travesty of a baboon and the vacuous mind of a mentally defunct banana slug. Male Boss calls me up from his car and is going ape tits. He is repeating himself over and over again.. some shit that, first of all, I can hardly understand and, second of all, I definitely have no clue what the fuck he's talking about. As his voice gets louder and the crisis seems to be getting crazier in mind of Male Boss, being that its already his 3rd phone call in no more than 10 minutes, Female Boss is completely unaware of it all.

Once Male Boss gathers what's left of his wits (read as: phone call #4), he starts to demand to speak with Female Boss. Oh, by the way, reason why Female boss is oblivious to whats going on is cuz she's on the damn phone with one of her reject Plastic friends. I have no clue what the hell she's talking about as I have only been able to listen to the rantings of Male Boss' best impersonation of a schizophrenic vagabond the whole time. With the tepid thought process of Male Boss slowly infecting my brain, I attempt to disrupt Female Boss' conversation and tell her that Male Boss is desperate to speak with her. My request is met with outright refusal. Of course, why would it be anything different in this shitfest? I unclick the hold button and deliver the news.

His response is, "Fuck her." *click*

Another phone call comes in sooner than I can let an exaggerated sigh to get as much dumb outta my lungs that I may have accidentally inhaled. Hey, guess what, he wants to speak with Female Boss. I place him on hold, interrupt Female Boss and before I can get out his full name Female Boss is shaking her head adamantly. I give him my best narration on the latest and he hangs up extremely pissed.

Again, call back. Again, no dice. Again, hang up.

Here we go once more, only this time Male Boss is fed up, "Tell her I am coming home to kick her ass!" *click*

Knowing that this could very well be the highlight of the last fortnight, I don't exactly follow thru with his request. In fact, I don't think I said a fucking thing to Female Boss. Whoops. Oh well, I figure that in my absentmindedness things will go much better if its a surprise anyway. Its fun to play god in this demented universe.

The final time he calls, Male Boss is only a few minutes away. I go ahead with the same song and dance of trying to get Female Boss on the phone for him. This time, Female Boss gives me a bit of a rant about she is having an important conversation and whatever the fuck it is, "it can wait." I am sure to give Male Boss the message. He's about as bent as I have ever heard him. Only profanity seems to be able to escape his mouth and that itchy trigger finger keeps hanging up before he can finish a sentence. Oh well.

So as soon as I set the phone down and focus in on Female Boss' conversation the first words I hear outta her whore mouth are, "So they take the egg and sit on it to keep it warm! Yes! I know!"

These words were emphasized as if she was reporting that the cure for cancer had been found. Good thing Male Boss has been completely blown off for that profound exchange. I do regret to report that the disappointing part of the story is the ending. It was really nothing at all. Turns out Male Boss was just being a dramatic bitch. Its all too ridiculous either way.