Cripes!

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Three weeks passes by quicker than you think. What the hell am I doing? I am coming up on the 1 year anniversary of this mofo known as Angry Time and I'm sittin here acting like I have a life. Well that facade is over! The in-mails have been pouring in (at least 2 or 3 in like a month) and I must get back on top of my game. At least thats what I think those Cialis in-mails are suggesting. So let's go with just a random rant post shall we? Why not, its Friday.

Let's see. This morning on my way to work I came across a pretty crazy visual. Now before I get into it, lemme again preface this post with that even tho I am a complete asshole I mean only maiming harm by it. Nothing fatal.

So, as I am driving in I catch easily the fattest woman I have ever seen riding a bicycle. Let me make that clearer. Not the fattest woman I have ever seen. I am saying the fattest woman I have seen that is riding a bicycle. I mean she was huge. I am not hating. I think its great. She was really moving on that thing and I was impressed. Its just the whole process that you get to become that big. I mean that takes some serious time. Whatever, that's not important.

Here's my point. I made the comment to my friend I was on the phone with. Then I started to get visuals of the past. One of my favorites regarding people of larger girth than others is the vast difference between a wedgie on a person of average build versus a wedgie on a water buffalo of a person.

The way the ass eats the person's pants or shorts. Nay not eats, engulfs them. A voracious ass that pulls the shorts into it's maw and turns an already unflattering sight to a gut wrenching, wretched scene. The clothing stretches skin tight, the craterous form of their supple, over-sized ass is revealed much to my dismay! The humanity.. I mean come on. Jeezus! I suppose the real question is how do these people not feel it? How do you not feel your own ass eating the shorts off of your body while it defecates the fibers out your urethra!? How!?

This lady on the bike.. it was like a snake eating an antelope. Its like her ass-jaw unhinged itself and was slowly taking in the back tire. Surely, by the time she had reached her destination she was walking. An inanimate object versus an ass with the hunger of every third world nation combined makes quick work of its prey. I don't even want to think about it.

Instead, just take that into the weekend with yourselves. My plans this Saturday is to eat a steak the size of a toilet seat. Maybe, by the time I stand up from the meal my ass will have started on my slacks. Let's just say I can only hope that's the case.