Ya Know What...

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

For the title of this one its important you read it the way I'm saying it. The times when some mother fucker crosses your path with some bullshit. The times when somebody is irking the shit out of you and the first thing that comes out your mouth before you either check the shit out of them or drive a poison thumb thru their eye is, "Ya know what..." followed by whatever invective you decide to follow it up with. Now that we're on the same page lets spelunk this latest chasm of frustrating stupidity.

I think I have mentioned it before but we have a local guy that takes our office orders. We work with him on an arm's length basis. He comes in or we call him and we get whatever we need from the clown.

Female Boss tells me, the other day, "Hey Northe, let's not order trash bags anymore. We don't need em. They're a waste of resources and not environmentally conscience."

Hey, I got no problem with helping out the environment but this is just an inconvenience. Just like you mother fuckers that want public transit to take over. The city's too big for me to hop down 6 freeways and take half a day to go catch some sushi with my boy's out in Orange County. I'll buy a Hybrid but I ain't buying a bus pass. Fuck that. Whatever tho, this is what Female Boss wants to do, I have my problems with it but let's see how it works out. I don't have to clean up after my office debris anyway, that's her function.

Knowing that on the surface that it really isn't a big deal, survival mode kicks in regardless. Survival mode in this case happens to be gathering all the trash bags in the house that aren't used and stashing them away for my own use to line my personal trash bag.. this is her social experiment, not mine. You gotta realize something here, if I bring in a banana or something like that into work for snacky time, the last thing I want is a smudge on the side of the trash can to start stinkin a week later at the side of my desk cuz some jackass wants to save the planet. I get my trash bag stash and I know I am good on being odor free for a good 3 months. We had a shit ton of em all over the investment property.. was kinda shocking how many I found and where.. not the most conventional places to put trash bags.

So, after nothing merely two weeks of Female Boss not having any trash bags left she's already flipped the script. Not so much flips the script as she flips her lid. She starts freaking outta no where.. just so you know her freaking out is grounded in sound logic, of course.

"Don't we have any garbage bags left? I am desperate for some!"

Ya know what, mother fucker.. its been two weeks after you deemed the office green and now you're "desperate." As if the last two weeks never fuckin happened. The memory banks of this jackass were dumped along with the trash last night as all of a sudden she's looking at me for a miracle. She seeks me for help.

"Northe, you have a garbage bag in your trash can. Do we have any more?"

"No ma'am. I've been using the same trash bag for the last two weeks since you made the call to cease orders on em."

"Are you sure we don't have any extra?"

"I'd venture to guess no, but you can always go look for some."

Female Boss sits there in distress for a good half hour. I don't see any trash on her desk. She didn't throw anything out that I remember. She just decided to spontaneously hemorrhage some brain cells for old times sake. The kicker is that Female Boss didn't get up from her desk to search for trash bags, she didn't even go out and buy some. It took her 3 days to come into work with a few spares from her house, I am guessing. By the way, we are back to buying trash bags from the local clown. So much for saving the planet. We're all fucked guys, blame Female Boss.