Exercise in Irrelevancy

Not posting the usual link to Day One of the blog simply bcuz Angry Time knows no bounds and as the Champion-King of Angry Time I reserve the right to speak about whatever the fuck turns a possible good time into an Angry Time. This post will not follow the ongoing saga of the Workplace but rather a rant on idiocy and the common man. The idiots we are surrounded by on a daily basis that are an asshair's width away from being dismembered by me at any given time.

Enter the AYSO. The feel good, no score keeping, all-volunteer hugfest that makes soccer look like a sport for sissies. That's right, everybody wins, hugs all around.. anything possible thrown into the mix to be the polar opposite of what real life and competitive sports is about. You know what tho, that's not what pisses me off about the organization bcuz no matter how much trash I can talk about the league, at least it makes playing soccer possible in my local area.. though marginal it may be.

So Opening Day was this weekend. Yes, kids get the Opening Day to celebrate the first games of the season and to march around with their coaches and newly made banners. Lets start with what awards AYSO with their first golden star of idiocy.. the timing. The kids were told show up for Opening Day ceremonies at the unholy hour of 7am on a Saturday. I ask you Angry Timers, who the fuck wants to wake up and wake their zombie of a child up at 6am on Saturday then be forced to feign interest at something that is so preposterously boring I was literally boo-ing during speakers? Those that put together AYSO do.

So I arrive ahead of schedule with my star soccer player at 6:45am. I can see my breath in front of my face and no sign of the sun cresting over the horizon. Hell of a way to start off the day. Upon entering the stadium where the ceremony was to be held we see a bunch of idiots scrambling around passing out bright neon yellow fliers. I take a flier and realize this is the 3rd time I have received the exact same flier since practice started 2 weeks ago, earning AYSO their 2nd gold star of idiocy right off the bat.

After a scan of the field, Coach has not shown up yet, nor have any other players on our team. An hour flies by as my star soccer player and I sit in the stands pointing and laughing at the keystone cops that are setting up the podium, speakers and refreshment tents. An hour. Still no coach. Way to go Northe, timeliness is punished here for it is not the real world.

We are now staring at 8:30 and we have been grumbling to the comic stylings of some AYSO mouthpiece trying to rally the parents. He's actually doing a great job entertaining the masses as the G-Rated version ofBob Saget humor seems to be the standard comedy fare for these idiots. Golden star of idiocy number three earned. I have said, to gauge reaction several times now, "What say we go grab some breakfast, this appears to be a waste of time." Unfortunately, my star soccer player still has the gumption to stick it out and see her friends from years past and actually be there for the team. Sweet, sweet innocence. I can't complain, it shows that I have done a good job instilling dedication into her.

A quarter to nine rolls around and finally Coach makes her appearance. I send off my star soccer player to go meet up with her team. Turns out they all met up across the street at the local pricey hot bean water establishment (read as: Starbucks) without informing me. Turns out men are not a gender favorite among the local soccer moms on our team, so informing me would have only shown their weakness in the presence of my star soccer player. Those ticking packages they will be receiving in the mail next week are from me.

Shortly thereafter, the muppet parade of irrelevancy ensues as speaker after speaker from AYSO steps up to the podium thanking everyone involved for making this season possible. All the chairman, spokesholes, heads of.. all the titles that you can think of. All of them, earn golden star of idiocy number four by, chuckling it up with inside jokes and making sure that everyone realizes how difficult the last month of preparation for the season was. Yes, the entire season that falls on the back of the parents (the volunteers that make AYSO work) and the AYSO answering machine that will do its best to collect all concerns from parents without returning a phone call. Well done you incompetent self-righteous assholes.

Now the fifth and final gold star of idiocy was awarded by special guest speakers. Socialist asshole people from the local city government came out to not speak about soccer and AYSO, but to stand on the soap box and talk about how much good THEY do for the community. As each one was introduced, knowing them by the patent retardation they have displayed in office, I stand up and boo over the clapping herd of caffeine-induced parents. One lady keeps giving me the stinkeye. Northe takes no guff Angry Timers.

I turn to her, look her in the eyes and say, "What?"

The conversation stopped there, way to stick up for what you believe in, whore.

So the last ten minutes consisted of the teams marching around the track field, showing off their banners and nothing more. A good three hours of my life for 10 minutes of what I thought was more important than anything on display that day. What is really worthy of a lead pipe beat down is that opening day has nothing to do with the kids, it has to do with back-patting, firm handshakes, reach-arounds and over the shoulder chuckling while facing a seated panel of moronic colleagues.

All in all, I must say my outbursts at the guest speakers and my star soccer player's sense of humor in the face of incompetence made it a good time. Though, in the end, I must tell you all, we vowed to not come here for Opening Day ever again. Time to go punch granite.

Come back tomorrow for regular scheduled programming.