Conversation With An Accountant

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

In-house Accountant came in today to go over some important tax documentation. She's a swell lady, mid 50s and extremely patient. She reminds me a lot of a kindergarten teacher with her soft spoken demeanor and ability to glance over bouts of mental retardation as if they were nothing.

Its half way through the day and Accountant has some questions to ask.

"These expenses for Paluccio's, Female Boss, entertainment?"

"For what, where?" asks Female Boss.

I perk up.

"Paluccio's I guess, Paluccio's."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"It shows expenditures there once to twice a week."

"Where? On my credit card? What?"

"Yes."

"Oh! Yeah. That's my favorite restaurant."

Personally, I have heard the name Paluccio's in this office so many fucking times since I started working here my mouth starts to water as the result of some sick Pavlovian response. Its Female Boss' favorite restaurant.. the one she raves about damn near every month to me! The one she calls her friends and family up to go and try. The same restaurant that she apparently goes to twice a fucking week and when asked she doesn't have the slightest fucking clue of what Accountant is talking about! Seriously, what the hell? What the fuck is going on in that head of hers constantly occupying every possible brain cell to not gather information efficiently!?

Unfortunately the torture doesn't stop here. Since Accountant has stirred the pot and the creative juices in Female Boss' mind have started to flow she begins to ask about tax write-offs. For most business owners this line of conversation would be normal and savvy. The best item that Female Boss thought should have been a tax write off:

"I bought a mandolin earlier this year for like $5-600 dollars. Is that work related? Can I write that off?"

... sigh..