A Missing Mr. Foot

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Hmm, where to start on this one. I guess let me describe the back yard for the dogs. Its not a large property as I have mentioned before and over the last few months Female Boss has started buying a number of dog houses to put outside. These dog houses vary from Dog-loos to standard wooden dog houses. With the 3 dogs there are now 7 houses out there. What? You want me to explain the mind of a dim-witted sloth with downs syndrome? Just stay focused.

With the number of dog houses out there, our friend Mr. Foot has made finding him quite the challenge as of late. Finding him, you ask? Yes, finding him. You know cuz all of the "dog training" and all the "practice" Female Boss has done with them they still aren't on the whole responding to your own name deal yet.. in time, I'm sure.

So about once a week the office here goes thru the Pigfoot Scare. Its this whole series of shenanigans that involves Female Boss freaking out about not finding Pigfoot after checking 2 of the 7 dog houses and thinking that he ran away even tho there is no possible means of escape for him.. and seriously, why the hell would he leave? He has it made, he's as feral as a dog gets AND he is treating like a king second only to The One. He's not going anywhere but this doesn't stop Female Boss from going thru the weekly meltdown.

This particular instance Male Boss volunteers for the task of finding where Pigfoot is hiding. About three minutes later I see Male Boss come in to the house rather stealthily with Pigfoot in hand. He puts the dog into his jacket concealing him completely and arousing some suspicion to his new 12 pound goiter bulging from his right love handle.

Male Boss walks in to the office where Female Boss is nice and flustered, "I think he's fucking gone, Female Boss."

Just so you know, Male Boss' right side is showing to me and not to her. Upon any type of observation you can still tell I'm sure but I just want it out there that Female Boss isn't completely oblivious.. only extremely. Male Boss' first line elicits no response from Female Boss so he goes on.

"Did you hear me? He's gone! The fucking ppl came today and signed away the papers for adoption. They took him, Female Boss. He's gone."

Female Boss leaps from her chair. She is flush and her eyes are like saucers, "What the hell are you talking about!?"

"You heard me, he's gone. Under new ownership, right Northe?"

Male Boss turns to me and winks. I figure that Female Boss may have caught that and figured out the joke. I assume too much..

"You what? What!?"

Female Boss is seriously erratic. She knocks over her stapler trying to get around her desk to go check out if the people are still in front of the house.. or something. As soon as she brushes past Male Boss, Taadaa! He reveals Pigfoot from his hiding place holding him out towards Female Boss.

The room turns icy cold.

"How dare you! How dare you," she scolds Male Boss.

She takes Pigfoot from a smiling and giggling Male Boss and continues her lecture.

"Oh, you want to stress me out? You want to give me a heart attack? This is the last thing I need and somehow your fucked up brain thinks that this is appropriate to do! I can't take it. I can't fucking take it. How dare you do this to me!"

She presses Pigfoot against her bosom. I can see her eyes welling up. I can't believe it. She is completely flush.

"I am taking the dogs with me!" she screams.

She leaves a few minutes later and didn't come back till the next day. Yeah, I'd say thats pretty rational. If you google pet owner's greatest concerns you'll find out that it indeed is drive-by adopters coming to ppl's houses and getting custody of dogs right under ppl's noses. She has every right to lash out at Male Boss for playing on this common fear. Male Boss just better hope that it doesn't happen for real now since he put it out there. Karma just may bite him for this...